


Constellations

by owleyes37



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Angst forever people, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Character Death, Cussing, Eventual Smut, Fluff, Foster Care, Gay Keith (Voltron), Implied Necrophilia, M/M, Orphan Keith (Voltron), Pining Keith (Voltron), Really I'm just trying something here, Restaurant AU I guess?, Slow Burn, Suicidal Thoughts, This fic gets dark!, You Have Been Warned, also college au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-09
Updated: 2018-05-18
Packaged: 2019-02-12 08:11:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 33
Words: 78,963
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12955035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/owleyes37/pseuds/owleyes37
Summary: Lance is in a relationship that he is quickly discovering is an abusive one.The good times with his current boyfriend, Nathan Wright, are long gone and their future seems bleak.Meanwhile, Keith has fallen hard for Lance and struggles with what to do about it.This is a story I just started and before I get too carried away with it, I wanted to see if anyone would even be interested in this plot so here's me testing the waters. Let me know what you all think! :)Summary and tags may change as I go.





	1. Blue Won't Judge

**Author's Note:**

> This is a story I just started and before I get too carried away with it, I wanted to see if anyone would even be interested in this plot so here's me testing the waters. Let me know what you all think! :)

It was frustrating how easily Lance and his boyfriend Nathan could find things to bicker about lately. The relationship started out with the usual honeymoon phase; everything was great for four whole months. They found comfort and joy in each other’s presence, going on dates, watching movies, talking late into the night- even the silences were calm and relaxed. But it seemed that phase was over because slowly the calmness in the silence was going away. The dates were few and far between and now Lance found himself having to apologize for every little thing he did. Everything seemed to annoy Nathan.

Lance tried not to jump to conclusions. Every relationship had to leave the honeymoon phase eventually right? It’s not like they could exactly afford to go out all the time so there was a reason they didn’t have date nights as often. And relationships were all about communication and compromise. So Lance didn’t mind when Nathan snapped at him for little things. How else would he know what he was doing wrong if Nathan didn’t tell him? At least that’s what he told himself because if he didn’t, his insecurities came flooding in and drowned him in feelings of inadequacy and uselessness.

Once again, Lance was up earlier than Nathan, who worked a later shift than Lance as a server at a local restaurant. That was actually where they met. Once their manager found out that they were dating, he started splitting up their shifts so as to prevent the relationship from interfering with work. Lance usually had earlier shifts and Nathan had later ones. Because of this, Nathan usually slept in, and Lance, being considerate, did quiet things around the apartment until he woke up. He used to play Killbot Phantasm I with the sound on mute, but found that he got a little too enthusiastic while playing and woke his sleeping boyfriend so instead he spent mornings catching up on whatever drama went on in the group chat while he was asleep. 

In the wee hours of the morning, Pidge had sent him a link for cheat codes to find secret levels and upgraded weapons. He thanked his lucky stars that he had the techy gremlin for a friend and was deciding on the perfect meme to properly express his gratitude when Nathan trudged tiredly into the room.  


“Good morning,” Lance greeted his boyfriend enthusiastically. “You’re up early.”

Nathan just grumbled something back, walking over to the kitchen counter and pouring a cup of coffee with no further greeting. Quiet descended. The apartment seemed to echo the ticks of the little clock on the wall. Lance shifted uncomfortably in his seat at the bar and waited. The silence went on and Lance, feeling a bit awkward, went to fill it.

“Hey, so I was thinking, since you’re up early maybe we could go walk the beach before it gets crowded? It’s really pretty in the morning and sometimes if you’re looking out for them you can see dolphins jumping just off the break.”

“No,” Nathan said simply.

Lance slinked over and playfully poked at Nathan’s stomach. “Ah come on,” he whined. “It’s a great way to start the day and Kaltenecker’s Shake Shack should be open! I’d step on a Lego for a milkshake right now!”

“No, we’re not going,” Nathan said swatting Lance’s fingers away and running a hand through his sleep- tangled hair.

Lance shrugged and followed Nathan to the couch. Nathan sat and drank deeply from his coffee while Lance stood behind the couch playing with his hair. In the mornings, Nathan’s hair had crazy curls and Lance loved twirling them in his fingers.

“O-okay maybe later then? You’re not working today right? We can go in the afternoon instead. It’s pretty awesome at sunset too and I’ll pay for the shakes,” he said running his hands through Nathan’s thick curls. “Or later this week? Hunk, Pidge, Keith, and I were talking about getting a fire pit this weekend. You want to go? It’ll be great! Hunk’s gonna make us fancy smores and I really want to try it with Reese’s and-“

A hand suddenly clamped onto his wrist and Lance froze.

“Why do you have to do that Lance,” Nathan was twisting around on the couch to look directly at him, twisting his wrist a bit with the movement. Lance winced and pulled his wrist away rubbing it gently.

“Do what,” he asked trying to sound unphased.

“I haven’t even finished my coffee and you’re jumping down my throat with all this shit. And then you go on and on and on, and cling with the poking and the prodding…Just stop,” He got up to pour another cup of coffee. “Besides you know I hate the beach,” he muttered as an afterthought.

“Sorry,” Lance said lamely. Silence fell again and he glared at the clock unapologetically ticking away. He still had three hours before he needed to be at work. He scrambled for what to do next to defuse the one-sided anxious energy in the air. When his phone buzzed he almost dropped it with how tense he was. It was Shay asking if he could swap shifts due to car trouble and if so, he would need to be there in about a half hour. It was a bit last minute, but even on a normal day he wouldn’t mind doing it. Today however he jumped to say yes. Nathan didn’t pay him any attention as he excused himself to take a quick shower and get ready.

He stood under the hot water relishing the feeling- avoiding looking at the little bruises revealed by the suds washing down his body. Nathan had been getting more physical lately- and not in the fun way, though there was plenty of that too. For each one Lance made an excuse. 

The one on his left hip was from being shoved back into the corner of the counter top. It was during some meaningless argument that they had already worked through and Nathan hadn’t meant for him to hit the counter so hard, probably not at all.

The one on his right hip was an imprint of Nathan’s fingers and of course that wasn’t intentional. He had just been a bit rough when they were last intimate. Same story for the ones on his thighs.

The one on his upper arm was where Nathan had grabbed him when some guy was flirting with him at the campus (they were both taking classes at the Garrison) and that hadn’t meant anything. Lance had told the guy he was seeing someone, but he was persistent. Nathan had just been eager to get them both out of there. Nothing odd about that. Well maybe he had also been a bit jealous. Okay a lot jealous, but with the way that guy was talking to Lance, he had every right to feel that way. 

The ones on his shoulders, back, stomach, and down his legs all had similar stories and none of them were done purposefully to hurt Lance. They were accidents and it’s not like Lance wasn’t a klutz anyway. Nathan had pointed out as much.

He finished his shower with a quick exfoliating face scrub, rinsing and drying off, and grabbing his work clothes. He was starting to get dressed in their room when he felt Nathan’s arms snake around his chest and a suggestive thrust against his still naked body.

“Hey, I’m sorry for snapping at you babe,” Nathan whispered in his ear. Lance shivered at the feeling of his hot breath. “You know I didn’t mean it. I was just tired…needed my coffee…” He began nipping and sucking down Lance’s neck. “I’m awake now though,” he added furthering his point with another thrust.

As much as Lance wanted to make up and start the day on a good note, he had less than twenty minutes to be at the restaurant to cover for Shay and he didn’t want to risk being late. Instead Lance turned his head to catch his boyfriend’s lips in a tender kiss. Nathan hummed in pleasure and Lance smiled into the kiss. He loved making Nathan happy.

“It’s okay Nat. I know you worked late last night. I should’ve given you more time to wake up,” he said and before he let things go any further he added, “But…is it okay if maybe we make up later?”

Before he had a chance to even explain why, Nathan’s hands shoved him hard into the dresser. Lance yelped in surprise and from the pain that shot up his hips. The air suddenly felt thin in his lungs. He whimpered as his hip bruises flared in pain. Not knowing what else to do, he curled himself submissively over the dresser. Letting Nathan have what he wanted would be faster than arguing about it. But Nathan was muttering to himself as he left the room. “Fine, I don’t want you right now anyway.”

Lance slowly straightened and paused, catching his breath. Nathan had never been so aggressive, even in the mornings. He was having a hard time finding justification in his actions this time. But he didn’t have time to think about it right now. He dressed quickly and grabbed his phone and keys. Before leaving the room he took another moment to collect himself. He was still shaking a bit and he didn’t want Nathan to see him so flustered. He tried not to think of it as hiding from his boyfriend so much as collecting his emotions before going into work. The last thing he needed was a coworker or customer noticing that he was off his game.

When he did finally leave the room, he rushed to grab whatever else he needed and out the door. He was closing the door behind him with a sigh of relief when it was yanked back open and Nathan was standing there looking angry.

“Where the hell do you think you’re going,” he said.

Lance took a moment to find his voice. “To work,” he said and was glad when his voice didn’t sound small or shake.

“You don’t have to be there for hours,” came Nathan reply. He didn’t outright accuse anything, but Lance knew he thought he was sneaking out to see someone else. It had taken a whole week to convince him that the guy at the Garrison was nothing to worry about.

“I got called in to cover someone else’s shift. I have to be there in fifteen minutes.”

“Tell them no,” Nathan said looking irritated.

“I already said that I’d do it and…and it’s not like I don’t need the money,” he said slowly losing steam his argument the angrier Nathan appeared. He prepared to make a better point when without further comment Nathan slammed the door in his face. Lance flinched, his next words stuck in his mouth. He let his breath out and quickly made his way to his car, a 2012 Proton Persona Elegance. 

Well technically it was his momma’s car, but she let him drive it to get to work and classes. By this point it really was more his than hers, but she paid the bill. It was nothing fancy- the Auto-driver-window button only automatically rolled it down, never up, there is a rattling or squeaking somewhere from the back, (He hasn't yet figured out what that was), and there was no cruise control, but he never really used that anyway. 

All in all, Blue was a great car and he trusted her with his life. She didn’t judge him for using the drive to shed a few tears, wishing things with Nathan could go back to sweet words and gentle touches. When did that stop? He hadn’t even noticed the transition, but now those little bruises he tried so hard to ignore this morning were coming back to mind, his body aching as to emphasize the reminder. Was this how it would be from now on? Another tear made it’s way down his cheek and he angrily swiped it away. He needed to get a grip before someone saw him like this. Blue’s deep rumble comforted him as she pulled into the parking lot of Vrepit Sal’s two minutes after he should have started. He was already tired.


	2. Into the Blue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith's POV: So this is what it's like to fall in love with Lance McClain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So obviously I can't promise that future updates will be this fast, but I thought since I had this written, I may as well post it for you guys! This chapter takes place before the events in the previous chapter. Thank you so much for the encouragement on this! I'm usually on the reader's side of fics, so I tend to be nervous as to how people will receive my writing. But reading your comments is the best motivation ever! So here's chapter two! Let me know what you think! :D

It happened so slowly that Keith wasn’t even aware it had been happening. There was no single turning moment that made him fall. It was more the sum of all the little things. But mostly, everything had just become so easy with him. It was easy to feel joy, it was easy to laugh, to be sad or angry; not necessarily directed at him but he didn't disregard or deny Keith those feelings, even if they were for no reason at all. No, it wasn’t something Keith saw coming. Until suddenly it was so blatantly clear that he was struck with it square in the chest. He lost his breath and wondered how he hadn’t realized it sooner. He was in love with Lance McClain.

They’d met in high school and Keith had not taken to Lance immediately, even as a friend. He thought Lance was too loud, too flirty, and impossibly irritating. Life had not been very kind to Keith. It left him bitter and guarded. He wanted to keep to himself and for others to leave him alone. Not that Keith particularly enjoyed being alone all the time, but it was just easier that way. He didn’t know how to really interact with others and others never seemed to know what to make of him, so he worked very hard to distance himself. Keep everyone at arm’s length and they can never get close enough to hurt you. Or so the plan was.

However, it seemed Lance had other plans. He thrust himself onto Keith like an overly excited dog on a very displeased cat. Oh, did Keith try (very, very hard) to push Lance away, but Lance saw a kid who needed someone in their corner and was apparently determined to be that person. When Keith sat alone at lunch, Lance brought Hunk and Pidge to sit with him. For a long time Keith would just move seats, but eventually he grew tired of doing so and reluctantly stayed. He didn’t talk. The others never asked him to. They just existed comfortably around him until over time Keith grew to enjoy their company. He found himself wanting to be part of their group. He unwittingly craved their acceptance and friendship. And he received it openly. 

Hunk would bring them homemade food every Friday to escape the horror that was school gruel and to try out his newest recipes. Pidge eventually got Keith taking part in conversations, most enthusiastically when it came to conspiracy theories and cryptids. And Lance, annoying as ever, never resisted the urge to rile Keith up- if for no other reason than to see Keith defensive in a way that didn’t carry a look as vulnerable as the first day he saw him. And despite how much Lance drove him crazy, it was always good-natured jabs, bickering, and competition. In the end, Keith was so thankful to Lance for never backing down when Keith pushed him away. In the beginning, Keith had even been a bit nasty toward Lance, saying things he thought would be harsh enough to chase the lanky boy away, but it didn’t.

And as the years passed, Keith found that Lance’s antics didn’t drive him any less crazy, but he didn’t mind it in the least. He found that for every side of himself that Lance projected to others, there was an opposite side of him that he kept locked away for only those closest to him to see. He portrayed himself as confident, but also had insecurities. He was obnoxious, but he was also serious. He flirted with anything in a skirt, but he’d never actually had a relationship. Lance was a never ending puzzle that Keith couldn’t help but try to put together. Why would someone like Lance go so out of his way to make him feel welcomed- accepted? He could have walked away when Keith put up his defenses in the most aggressive way he could think of, and again when their one-sided rivalry gave opportunity to nag at Lance’s insecurities. Keith got better grades, he got better scholarships, he was given a full ride at the Garrison when Lance was having to rely on grants and loans because God knew his momma couldn’t afford to send him there. Lance had a lot of reasons to resent Keith, yet he didn’t. He just wasn’t that type of person. While of course Lance was competitive, he never made Keith feel bad for his victories. He was always cheering Keith on, sincerely happy for every one of Keith’s accomplishments.

By the end of their freshman year at the Garrison, Keith considered Lance the best friend he ever had; the first person he turned to when he needed help, the only person other than Shiro who really knew Keith and was never deterred by his prickly side. Lance saw the sides of him that he was too wary to show anyone else, even Shiro. Lance knew before anyone else about his being gay. He helped him come out to everyone else and he was showered in acceptance.  


He came home from class one day, ready to start his homework and meet Shiro at the gym later to train, and got a surprise instead. Because instead of walking into his immaculate dorm, he walked into a-thick wrack of clothes? What the hell? After a moment of perplexed staring, he separated the coats and sweaters to find a rainbow of color awaiting him.

“SURPRISE,” everyone yelled when he finally made it past all the clothes. Rainbow streamers were hung from the ceilings and walls, balloons floated at the roof and danced along the floors with rainbow pompoms hanging in the spaces between, and he was suddenly showered in a pop of confetti courtesy of Lance, Pidge, Allura, and Matt.  
“What is all this,” He asked not bothering to brush the confetti from his hair or stop Hunk from donning him with a rainbow cone party hat. Lance, he noticed was wearing two hats and a rainbow tutu.

Pidge liberated him of his ‘I Don’t Believe in Humans’ backpack (complete with stereotypical alien heads all over it) and Lance took him by the shoulders, turning him back to face the door where the clothes wrack stood.

“This is your coming out party! Get it? You’re coming out of a closet! Ha! That was my idea! Not Pidge,” Lance said in a whirlwind. Pidge gave an indignant squawk. 

“But I already told you all. What,” but Lance spun him back around and sat him in a lazy chair so covered in streamers that they fell around his shoulders like a cape.

“We know, but that doesn’t mean we can’t celebrate you becoming that much more of your true self,” said Shiro smiling. “Could you be more of a fortune cookie,” Matt teased as the dorm filled with Lance’s party playlist which included an almost obscene amount of Ke$ha. Shiro leaned in over Keith’s shoulder a bit to say, “Also Hunk insisted on a big shindig to present his Gay Pride pastries.” And Keith couldn’t stop the wide genuine smile on his face. He took the moment in because this was the happiest he had been in all he could remember- surrounded by the people he loved and the ones who loved him.

They never made it to the gym. The ensuing party was crazy enough that eventually the dorm leaders dropped by to ask them to quiet down. The drinks had rainbow ice cubes. Allura and Matt were blowing bubbles non-stop. They took rainbow jello shots. They played never have I ever, and of course Twister. Lance was banned from playing because even drunk, he was kicking everyone’s ass (he was very flexible). By the end of the night Matt and Shiro had retreated to Keith’s room, Pidge was harassing Hunk for the leftover MM’s he didn’t bake into the cookies, Keith was lounging on the lazy chair buried in nearly every streamer that had come down during the course of their partying watching Lance braid the remaining ones into a sleeping Allura’s hair giggling and snorting at every lame pun Lance came up with related to coming out before, to his horror, Lance started drunkenly screeching Diana Ross’ “I’m Coming Out”. Keith groaned and Lance put a hand to his chest in mock-offense. 

“What you don’t like my singing,” he squawked.

“You sing terrible sober,” Keith retorted. He was starting to sober up, but he was still a bit giddy from the drinking, the games, the dancing… He was also very pointedly ignoring how much of a rainbow mess he’d have to clean up eventually.

“You’re terrible sober.”

“That doesn’t even make sense,” Keith laughed.

“You don’t make sense,” Lance spat confidently.

Keith smiled as he drifted off to sleep watching Lance’s fingers weave through Allura’s hair, and by morning forgot all about his wisp of a wish that those fingers were in his hair instead. It had been a good night.

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The semester went on. They studied, procrastinated, stressed, lost countless hours of sleep, ate junk food, stressed some more, blew off schoolwork for a weekend (and yes, sometimes a week night) of ‘screw school and work and whatever else, let’s do something fun!’, only to circle back to stress, and studying. On some nights, Lance would bring everyone to the restaurant for his employee discount and afterwards they’d have themed movie nights. Hunk made a specialty dessert and they’d all pretend they had no responsibilities waiting for them for a night. Adulting sucked sometimes anyway.

It was during one of these movie nights that Keith began noticing Lance more- his smile, his laugh, his eyes. Who the hell had eyes like that! Keith tried not to think too much of it. Lingering glances didn’t have to mean anything. But Keith’s glances were becoming less of moments staring at Lance and his clear, blue eyes, and more of staring with moments of schooling his gaze away. Lance made plenty of terrible puns and gave bait for Keith to start the bickering back and forth, but most of them went over Keith’s head. He was having a hard time focusing on Lance’s jabs, trying to cover the fact that his was becoming more and more flustered. Since when did he get butterflies when those eyes were focused on just him?

Tonight’s movie night theme was old- timey creature features with the worst special effects to ever make the big screen. It was a theme that normally would have had Keith hooked, but he hardly noticed the fake blood, forced screams, and bad costumes. All he noticed was how the shadows, flickering colors, and lighting from the movies played across Lance’s face and how it made him look even more captivating.

They were all spread out on any available surface around the TV- Hunk, Pidge, and Allura were laying on the floor covered in as many blankets as they could find. (Pidge was hogging the pillows, but the others didn’t mind). Shiro sat in the arm chair with Matt asleep in his lap, snoring quietly much to Shiro’s amusement. Which left Keith and Lance to the couch- which by the way was tiny! Keith couldn’t decide if that detail was good or bad. On one hand, it put him closer to Lance. He could actually feel Lance’s body heat from where he was sitting! And…on the other hand, it put him right up next to Lance- where he could easily notice Keith's sidelong staring or that Keith was fiddling with his hands to distract himself from his hands sweating beneath his fingerless gloves. 

Between the shifting lights and dark shadows cast by the TV, Keith watched Lance toss candied-popcorn in the air and catch it in his mouth. Keith tried not to imagine what Lance’s mouth would taste like if they kissed. And then something happened in the movie- Keith didn’t even know what- because all of a sudden Lance was laughing again. The sound was light and pleasant and Keith heart stuttered at the sound of it. Because that was when suddenly all the little things came together into a tsunami wave of affection for this lanky, Cuban boy with a goofy smile and Keith was swept under- into the deep- into the blue. He forgot to breathe and spent the rest of the night wondering how on Earth he missed the fact that, slowly over the course of the years he knew him, he had fallen in love with Lance McClain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys are still on board for this! I'm in the process of writing the next chapter so hopefully I can get that up soon! Thanks again for reading this!:)


	3. The New Wave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So Keith is in love with Lance. Now what is he going to do about it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yaaaaaayyy I finished chapter three! I'm really on a writing binge right now so future chapters probably won't be undated this fast, but here's this one. This chapter is Keith's pov and still takes place before chapter one. I think chapter four should catch us up, but we'll see. I hope you like it! :)

Keith couldn’t believe how inconsiderate the universe was for going on as it always had, as though his whole world hadn’t just shifted. Like someone close to him had been replaced with a stranger and he was the only one who noticed. Except Lance himself hadn’t changed; just Keith’s perception of him. He had the same smile, the same laugh, the same electric eyes so full of life. But Keith was affected by them in ways he never had been before. They made his stomach flutter, and his heart swell. He wanted Lance to never stop smiling and laughing because damn he was beautiful and amazing and deserved so much happiness in return for all his kindness. As days and weeks passed, Keith’s feelings became more and more persistent in his mind until they conjured up hundreds of different fantasies- holding hands with Lance to and from class, leaning into his warmth during movie nights, Lance playing with his hair until he fell asleep, cuddling close to one another and breathing each other’s air, a loving kiss on the forehead, a shy kiss on the lips, a deeper kiss, a passionate kiss, a hungry kiss, Lance murmuring his name as they made love- 

And that was where he would abruptly stop his wandering mind because that wasn’t fair. The world might have changed for Keith, but Lance’s had not. Keith was Lance’s friend. It was such a betrayal of trust to think of Lance that way.  
As discreet as he was trying to be about locking his feelings away, it was obvious to everyone that something was bothering him. He was more moody than ever and was clearly losing more sleep than even a college student should be. Any attempts to approach Keith about what was wrong was met with deflection and avoidance. Even if he wanted anyone else to know, how could he explain himself? There was no way he could put any of it into words. He was never good with words. He always said the wrong thing.

Even if Keith could bring himself to tell anyone, Shiro or even Lance, about his feelings, it wouldn’t matter because Lance was very, extremely, unmistakably straight. There was no denying it, no getting around it. Lance was never shy about expressing his interests and those interests never included men. Keith felt he had already betrayed Lance. Lance accepted Keith for being gay. As easy as if came to Lance, acceptance was not as common as many would think. He was already doing more for Keith as a friend than a lot of other people would. So why couldn’t he be content with that? Why did he have to need more? It didn’t matter though because he did. Weeks turned to months and Keith needed more. 

He longed for Lance to notice him, love him, touch him, need him as much as he needed Lance. The swell of affection in his chest became more of an ache. It was physically painful. He reasoned with himself that for years Lance had had a one-sided rivalry with Keith, it was only fair that now Keith would have one-sided affection for Lance. That didn’t make it any easier.

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Midterms were coming up and the gang was having a cram session in the library. They had been there for hours. Everyone was fried. After a while, any studying turned to sluggishness and groaning at any attempt to continue so they decided to call it done and sniff out something to eat. On the way out Keith discovered a new thing about Lance that had not changed, yet had a new effect on Keith- his cheesy flirting… 

“Was that an earthquake or did you just rock my world,” Lance purred to a group of girls on their way out of the library. The girls giggled and to his horror, Keith’s cheeks grew hot as his mind conjured up an image of Lance- his ‘world thoroughly rocked’.

There was a chorus of groans from his companions that normally he would join in with, but didn’t, as he needed that time to think about hippos and Mothman and literally ANYTHING other than a flushed and sweaty Lance. It was not working. At all.

He didn’t even make an excuse as he split hastily from the group and back to his dorm where he refused to let Shiro in when he showed up demanding for Keith to tell him what was going on. Nope! His lips were closed. His pants zipper was not. Which later brought him even more shame and guilt. He was such a horrible friend.

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Just when Keith felt he had reached his lowest point of misery, the universe decided to play a joke on him. Because right here in the middle of movie night (the theme was chick flicks) Lance got everyone’s attention for a big announcement. Keith thought about every horrible thing Lance could say; got a girlfriend was top of the list. Let the record show that Keith was a horrible friend as well as a bad guesser.

Lance was stalling, rambling about who even knew what.

“Spit it out already!”

“Give me a sec Pidge! This is huge news okay! Geeze. Okay, yeah, here it goes,” Lance took a big breath. “Okay, okay so all of you need to make sure you’re free not THIS Friday, but NEXT Friday night. We’ll all meet here around sevenish? Nothing fancy, but Hunk’s baking-“

“I am,” Hunk asked.

“Yeah and Allura, Matt, and Shiro are in charge of deco,” more confused looks, “And I’m on beats because my taste in music is way better than everybody else’s-“

“Wait, wait Lance! What are talking about,” Pidge interrupted.

“My party!”

“Party?”

“My… my Bi Party,” Lance laughed nervously because there it was out in the open.

Keith froze. Did he hear that right? No way. It had to be a joke. Had Lance somehow found out? Was he mocking him? Of course not. He wouldn’t do that would he? He still expected Lance to start laughing at him.

“YES,” Matt shouted. “Our forces grow stronger each day!”

The room was suddenly full of sound and movement. Keith missed most of it, as well as the rest of movie night (and Shiro’s knowing looks) because for the rest of the night he was stuck in his head. Part of Keith knew that this didn’t change anything. They were still friends. Good friends. Lance coming out as Bi didn’t mean he’d be interested in Keith. 

Confessing could still ruin the closest friendship he’d ever had. Even if Lance wasn’t playing a joke on him, the universe still was and it thought it was hilarious. He was one step closer to his fantasies and still out of reach. He had been wrong before. This was a misery way worse.

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Keith hadn’t slept that night. He growled at his ceiling as the late hours ticked by and morning came despite his cursing of the sun. He thought about skipping his morning class, but decided he couldn’t afford to miss that much material so he begrudgingly parted with his bed and dragged his feet toward the smell of coffee. Wait what? Keith had a private room. He wasn’t making coffee. He quickened his pace into the kitchenette where he found Shiro annoyingly chipper and in his space.

“What are you doing here,” he asked while helping himself to the coffee.

“Morning to you too Sunshine,” Shiro retorted with a wide grin.

“Screw sunshine. The sun is evil,” he said and Shiro had his nerve to laugh at him. Keith took a sip of the coffee and raised an eyebrow waiting for his answer.

“So you like Lance huh?”

Keith spat his coffee and cursed at the mess it made on his sleeping shirt.

“I take that as a yes.”

“Wha- no! I-,” Keith cringed as his voice went up six octaves. Well there went that. “Okay fine, whatever,” he gave up. “So say I do. It doesn’t matter. I can’t tell him!”

“I don’t think you have as much to worry about as you think,” Shiro said handing him a paper towel to wipe his front.

“I have everything to worry about! He’ll hate me Shiro! He’ll think I’m a creep and he won’t want anything to do with me,” he felt like he’s already lost him. “How did you get in here anyway?”

“You gave me a key!”

“To use for emergencies!”

“Well this is important! Look, after Lance made his announcement, he kept looking at you like he was expecting something. You were too busy sulking to notice.”

“I wasn’t sulking,” his voice went up again. It was quiet for a moment before he sighed. “So what should I do?”

Shiro’s hand came to rest on his shoulder. “I’m not going to tell you what to do,” he said and Keith made a face, but Shiro went on. “Whatever you do is up to you, but you don’t have to be so scared about it. You’re worried about ruining your friendship?” Keith nodded.

“You’ve been friends for years Keith. When has he ever judged you for the way you feel?” Keith had no answer to that because that was it wasn’t it? That was one of the best things about Lance. He was one of the few people that didn’t make him feel like whatever he was feeling was invalid- like he really mattered. Would this be any different?

VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD

All that time he had spent agonizing over keeping his feelings a secret now felt like it was worth it because all his doom and gloom turned to excitement. He was forming a plan. Nothing spectacular, because if he did he just knew something would go horribly wrong, but he had a plan nonetheless. He went to a local shop and found a plush whale shark he thought Lance would like. He thought about getting a card, but decided against it. He was more a man of action than words. So he was going to show Lance how he felt. He ordered a bouquet of roses dyed to the colors of the Bi flag. He planned to give Poseidon (the whale shark plush) and the roses to Lance at his party as a prelude to a date proposal.

As the date of the party came closer, his excitement turned to nerves and doubt, but Shiro would give him encouraging pep talks and he was back to excitement. He couldn’t wait for the party!

It was nothing like Keith’s party. Since Lance had basically planned his own party, it wasn’t a surprise. It had more of kickback vibe. There were Bi colored decorations, fruit tarts, and fruity drinks. Everyone was having a great time. Keith was almost late because he ran into traffic picking up the flowers, but he got them and Shiro helped him hide them and Poseidon on a low shelf in the hallway cabinet to pull out at just the right moment. 

Keith was a ball of nerves. He’d worked himself up so much that Hunk and Pidge were starting to notice. Weirdly enough, Lance seemed to be acting nervous too. Did Shiro tell him something? Did he see the flowers? Maybe Keith was just being too obvious and Lance suspected something was up. Either way, Keith waited, his nerves making his hands twitch in anticipation. The music started in on a song he thought was sounded nice and he thought now was a good a time as any. Shiro gave him a thumbs up and encouraging nod as he started making his way back to the hallway closet when there was a knock on the door and Lance sprung from his seat to get it. Seeing the perfect moment off kilter, Keith decided to go back to waiting. Another moment would come.

He was wrong again. When Lance came back into the room he wasn’t alone. A tall man with a sharp jawline and thick head of hair trailed behind him.

“Everybody this is Nathan,” said Lance excitedly. “Nat this is everybody,” he went around the room supplying names. Keith’s heart sank in his chest as he watched Lance’s hand curl around Nathan’s. “Everybody,” Lance said sounding both nervous and excited. “This is my boyfriend.”

“Hi,” Nathan greeted them. He had a nice smile. The room welcomed him warmly and went to ask the standard new boyfriend questions: How’d you meet, when, how’d you get together, etc. Shiro hung back watching the look of devastation on Keith’s face. He looked defeated. His eyes were distant and glassy. He sat slowly in the nearest chair and starred at his hands. Shiro went and put a hand on his shoulder, but it didn’t seem to register.

The party went on around them, but now the lull of music and conversation were background noise to Keith’s new wave of misery. And this one was so devastatingly worse than any of the previous. He didn’t want to make a scene by leaving early so he stayed and tried to look like he was enjoying himself, but his heart wasn’t in it. He hated the distressed looks Shiro kept shooting him and even Hunk and Allura were starting to pick up on the shift in his mood. 

Keith was glad when the party was over. Shiro drove him back to his dorm and graciously, he didn’t try to talk. Keith resting his head against the window and stared into nothing. It didn’t matter what he did after all. Either way he still lost Lance. Yeah, the universe had a cruel sense of humor and the joke was definitely on him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You didn't forget about Nathan did you? Well I want to! Anyway, I hope you like/hate(?) this chapter. Let me know what you guys think! Till next time! *finger guns*


	4. The Wake of Devastation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith tries to deal with losing Lance as well as he can (which is not well at all).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter will catch us up with the events of chapter one! I know this chapter is a little shorter than the others, but I've already started writing the next chapter and developing ideas for future chapters. Anyway let the angst continue! :)

Keith began pulling away from the group after that. Lance would sometimes bring Nathan to their study sessions and he usually joined them when they ate at the restaurant since he worked there too and Keith hated having to sit through those long hours and pretend that his chest wasn’t constricting painfully every time they held hands or casually kissed. It didn’t look like he needed to keep his feelings a secret anymore either; everyone seemed to know to varying degrees. All except Lance of course. He resented the looks of pity he got on a constant basis and if Shiro put one more hand on his shoulder for comfort he thought he’d explode.

But the worst thing about any of this was how undeniably happy Lance seemed. Nathan made him laugh and smile and blush and Keith wanted to hate Nathan so badly for being the one to give him all the things Keith ever wanted for Lance. He couldn’t bring himself to do it though. As easy as it would have been to get spiteful and jealous, Keith found that he just didn’t have the energy. He just felt so tired and beaten. The cold twisting in his heart at seeing Lance happy with someone else hurt too much to pretend anymore.

So he chose to distance himself, from the others and especially from Lance. He studied alone in his dorm. He opted out of movie nights. In the classes he shared with the others, he would sit as far away from them as he could get or skip class all together and catch up on the material on his own. Shiro was worried and Keith could appreciate the concern on some level, but he wished he would just leave it alone. There was no way he could fix it- nothing he could say to make the ache go away so what was the point?

He was such a selfish ass. He knew he was. How long ago was it that he would’ve given anything to see Lance exactly as happy as he was now? But now that he was, Keith STILL couldn’t be content. Apparently there was more to Keith’s wish for Lance than just happiness. He wanted happiness for, from, and most importantly WITH Lance.

He missed Lance. A lot. Distancing himself didn’t stop Keith from thinking about him. It didn’t stop him from wanting to see Lance or hold him, lay with him, make love to him. He would never admit that in his lowest moments he cried quietly to himself and wondered why he had decided to wait so long to ask Lance out after he announced he was Bi. Why did he have to wait for the party? There was no particular reason was there? It just seemed right. For two whole weeks he could have done it and he could have had his answer.  
Now he wanted to kick himself. Maybe he could have been the one Lance looked at the way he looked at Nathan.

He secretly hoped that they wouldn’t stay together long- that the relationship would have no real spark and would just die out, but that did not seem to be the case. Lance didn’t move in with Nathan, but he did begin moving some of his things from the apartment he shared with Hunk into Nathan’s house for when he spent the night, which was becoming more and more often. So instead of dying out, the relationship seemed to be getting more serious.

Keith hated being alone. Once upon a time, he preferred it. Being alone had become so much easier to him than having to navigate social landscapes, but that had changed after finding a niche of people with whom he was comfortable and happy. Now the quiet surrounding him breathed down his neck. It made him so anxious and lonely. 

So on occasion he decided to suck it up. He would pretend that everything was back to the way it was before. He made appearances on social outings; the brief opportunities to see Lance were both torture and relief. To everyone else, he seemed back to normal, Shiro being the exception. He’d known Keith too long to be fooled so easily, but Keith was isolating himself less and Shiro wasn’t going to say or do anything to jeopardize losing that major bit of progress. So he kept a watchful eye on Keith and otherwise remained silent.

Going on this way seemed to work for a while. The group fell back into their rhythm, balancing responsibilities with kickbacks and chill sessions. Little by little though it was Lance that began showing up less. At first it was because he and Nathan were on dates, but after a while it seemed like there was no particular reason at all. He would just not show up.

No one liked this development, Keith least of all, so he made it a habit of stopping by Vrepit Sal’s during the times Lance worked if for no other reason than to see Lance. It was a bonus that it was just about guaranteed that Nathan would be nowhere in sight, since he worked different shifts. It became a regular stop for him that he told no one else about.

When he showed up today, he was surprised to find that Lance was already there catering to tables of demanding and hungry people. Lance looked tired. His shoulders were slumped, his step lacked the usual bounce, and his smile didn’t quite reach his eyes.

When Lance made his way over to Keith with his usual order of coffee and lactose- free triple chocolate cheese cake, Keith internally cringed at how very visibly excited he was to talk to Lance. If Lance noticed he didn’t say anything.

“You look like shit,” Keith cringed again. ‘Yes Keith,’ he thought, ‘Because that is such a romantic line!’

“I feel like it too,” Lance said keeping an eye on his tables while talking. “The customers today are giving me hell,” he added more quietly.

“How long have you been here,” Keith asked. Lance looked too haggard to have just started his shift.

“I was supposed to switch shifts with Shay. She was having car trouble, but she couldn’t get it fixed in time or find another ride so I’m working my original shift too.” Were Lance’s eyes red too or was Keith imagining that? Had he been crying?

Before he could think of a response, a man at one of Lance’s tables started obnoxiously calling, “Waiter! You done chatting it up with your boyfriend? Hello!”

Lance sighed and started to walk away, when unbeknownst to him, Keith’s hand shot out to Lance’s wrist to stop him. He wanted to say something. Lance just looked so exhausted, but his voice left him when he saw Lance wince in- pain? Lance pulled his wrist away and floundered for something to say to cover up the unguarded reaction he just had.

“Hey, I’m serious! They pay you to stand around? Waiter!”

“I- I have to-,”Lance turned away quickly and Keith could see a nervous tick to his step.

What just happened? Keith could hardly process it. It had been so quick, but he knew he had seen pain on Lance’s face. He wanted to pull Lance aside; take him somewhere quiet where he could get the rest he clearly needed and figure out what on earth that pained look had been for. But things were so busy at the restaurant. Normally during his visits Lance would tend to his tables then wonder over and talk to Keith while watching his tables, but today even if Lance wasn’t swamped with customers, he didn’t think he would come back this way. Lance was avoiding even looking in his general direction. He wanted to talk to Lance, but now was not the best time. So he made an attempt to eat and drink while thinking about what he would say to Lance later before paying his tab, leaving a generous tip, and leaving. He was not dropping the matter, but Lance had too much happening at once for him to pursue it now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will probably be a lot longer due to the amount of things I have planned to happen so it'll take me a minute to write, but I've said that again and again about the others and still updated quicker that I thought so what the heck do I know. Anyway let me know what you think! I thrive on feedback! :D


	5. Petals on the Floor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance is having a really bad day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING!!!!: There is a reason I tagged this fic as explicit with depictions of violence! This chapter will have triggers for those warnings as well as attempted rape so if that's a trigger for you please read with caution or skip this chapter!

Lance was having a bad day. He thought that getting a little break from Nathan would make things better. Everything from this morning would seem less daunting and he could go home and make up with Nathan and they could go on like it never happened. But the constant motion of his work wasn’t helping clear his head like it usually did. He didn’t know what it was about today that was bringing out the worst in people, but today’s flood of customers were giving him such a hard time.

He was never usually intimidated by a big rush; he could usually handle it, but today he was just not on top of his game. His aches and pains made him slower. He felt clumsier and while he didn’t make a mistake on anyone’s order or drop anything, his customers were impatient and short with him. He tried to be polite when people snapped at him and he tried to be extra attentive to the tables that seemed most annoyed with him, but nothing was helping.

When Shay texted him saying she couldn’t make it, he sagged. He knew she couldn’t help it, but he had actually looked forward to getting the hell out of here. That is, until he saw a certain familiar mullet across the room. He’d know that mullet anywhere. He went to get Keith’s usual order and checked on his tables quickly before making his way over to Keith. Keith saw him coming and perked up in his seat in anticipation for his order and Lance smiled internally.

He didn’t get to see the gang as much nowadays. Nathan insisted on spending time together alone a lot, even though that time wasn’t spent doing anything specific, but Lance went along with it because he didn’t want Nathan to get upset with him. Lance still met up with everyone when he could, but not as much as he’d like. He still saw Keith though.   
He liked when Keith came into the restaurant. It gave him the tiniest break to relax and talk. He missed Keith. A lot.

“You look like shit,” Keith said and Lance cringed at how obviously over-it he was.

“I feel like it too,” Lance answered, scanning his tables to make sure no one needed anything. “The customers today are giving me hell,” he added in a hushed tone so no one would overhear.

“How long have you been here,” Keith asked.

“I was supposed to switch shifts with Shay. She was having car trouble, but she couldn’t get it fixed in time or find another ride so I’m working my original shift too.” Lance answered feeling all the more tired as he said it.  
Before the conversation went any further however, a man at one of his tables yelled, “Waiter! You done chatting it up with your boyfriend? Hello!”

He sighed. Today was just going to be one of those days. He started to walk away, when suddenly Keith’s hand shot out it his wrist and stopped him. A flash of hot pain shot up his arm and he winced, startled. 

Now he was facing Keith again, his wrist still in Keith’s hand, and he knew Keith had seen him flinch. Lance pulled away and struggled to find something to say to cover up the unexpected reaction he’d just had. Keith’s grip wasn’t even that tight; why did that hurt?

“Hey, I’m serious! They pay you to stand around? Waiter,” the man started snapping his fingers.

“I- I have to-,”He turned away quickly and he tried to cover the nerves bouncing in his system as he made his way to the man’s table.

What just happened? Lance could hardly process it. It had been so quick, but he knew Keith had seen his look of pain. He went to put in the man’s order for onion rings and shrimp bites, then stepped aside and pulled up the cuff of his long- sleeve shirt. There on his wrist was the perfect outline of fingers. Not from Keith, but from Nathan where he’d grabbed Lance’s wrist angrily this morning. It was dark and ugly. How had he not felt that forming? He didn’t think Nathan had grabbed him hard enough to bruise, but apparently he had and his wrist was now throbbing painfully.

He quickly covered it, as if to put it out of mind, but his mind was alight with renewed distress and his body ached even more where all of his other bruises hid beneath his clothes.

He avoided looking toward where Keith sat. He was afraid of what sort of expression he’d have. When he did finally build the nerve to glance at Keith’s table he discovered that Keith was gone, his cheesecake only half eaten and a healthy stack of bills for tip. He felt guilty. Keith hadn’t done anything but grab his wrist. And Lance had ignored him. Wow, he was such a horrible friend.

He continued his shift and was so glad when he had his break. He made his way over to the break room anticipating a moment to get off of his sore feet. On the way, his manager stopped him and informed him that he would need to stay later to help with the rush.

“But I’ve been here since 8AM,”Lance argued. He didn’t mind working a little over his shift, but Shay and Lance’s shifts combined was already a ten hour workday. He didn’t have the energy to work even longer than that! His feet were already so tired.

“We need the people Lance. We weren’t anticipating the amount of people that have been coming in,” His manager said, “I’m calling in other servers, but they’re either not answering or they can’t come in. As soon as I get someone else you’re the first to leave. I promise,” he went back to the little office and Lance groaned. He collapsed into a chair in the break room and texted Nathan that was likely going to be working overtime. He got no response, which he tried not to think about.

To distract himself from thinking about Nathan and the mood he’d left him in this morning, Lance spent his break watching old snap chats he’d saved to his phone. There was no reason really other than to occupy his mind until his break was over, but Lance watching the videos snippets with a strange feeling forming in his gut.

They were just blurbs of random conversation and joking, Pidge starting a flour war, Hunk protesting before taking a face full of powder, the ensuing battle ending on Keith- his hair more white than black. Then there was a short blurb of Lance and Allura at some department store runway walking in the ugliest clothes they could find. Another of Pidge imitating Professor Coran. “Blah, blah, blah, crazy words, mustache!” Lance laughed. They went on and on and that’s when Lance noticed something.

All of these were from back before Nathan was in the picture. Looking at these blurbs of Past Him, he realized that he wasn’t as happy now as he was then. He used to have so much more confidence and life! And now that confidence was missing. He missed that Lance. Now he walked on egg shells in his day to day life and he never second guessed himself before as much as he did nowadays, even with his insecurities having already existed long before Nathan came along. The bruise on his wrist throbbed insistently.

When it was time to return to work, he didn’t feel like his feet had gotten any rest at all. He kept checking in with his manager to see if he could leave soon, but he could never get a straight answer. The rush ebbed and flowed, but never really died down. His whole body was getting tired; his feet were throbbing now too, the ache having traveled up his legs and into his back and shoulders. The longer he stayed the more he was getting anxious to get home before Nathan thought he was right about Lance seeing someone else behind his back. 

When he had time to take a breath, he went to check his phone to see if Nathan ever answered. His heart froze when he saw Nathan’s reply from and hour ago. He hadn’t felt his phone vibrate.

Nat: COME HOME NOW

Lance’s hands began shaking as he typed in a quick reply.

Lance: I can’t. Not until the next server comes in to take over. 

The reply came immediately.

Nat: YOU HAVE BEEN THERE ALL DAY- COME HOME NOW

He wanted to cry. This whole day was a mess and it was just getting worse. He went again to ask his manager when he could leave, this time unable to mask his distress and was finally given a straight answer. Start on his side work (the tasks he had to do before leaving each shift) and he could go home. Lance rushed through it all, not even sure if he had done it well, in too much of a hurry to get home and fix whatever mess was waiting for him. 

Blue’s usually comforting hum on the drive home did little to console him this time. He was crying again and back to angrily swiping at his eyes. He kept thinking of how angry Nathan had been this morning after shoving him into the dresser. If he was angry then, he was definitely ten times as angry now and Lance didn’t know what he’d do. He didn’t want to think Nathan would take it out on him, but that’s just what he had done this morning. He had to fix this.

By the time he was running up the front steps to Nathan’s porch, it was about to be 9PM. He dreaded what he’d find on the other side of the door. It took multiple attempts with his shaking hands to open the door with his set of keys.

All that anticipation made him jumpy as he walked into the house. That damn clock and his nervous breathing were the only noises he could hear. It was dark. There were no lights on. There was a subtle glow from the direction of the kitchen however. He made his way slowly toward it.

“Nat? H- Hey, where are you,” His voice betrayed his nervousness. There was no reply. He rounded the corner to the kitchen and gaped at what he found.

There were candles glowing softly from the countertops. They set a romantic tone for the formal dining set Nathan had on the table. There was a whole meal also waiting there. Lasagna, garlic bread, soup, and a small salad. There was a huge bouquet of flowers that Nathan held in his hands. He was sitting in one of the chairs in his best formalwear smiling gently up at him.

“Wow,” said Lance. This is not what he had been expecting at all. “What- what’s all this for?”

Nathan stood from his seat and walked slowly to Lance, handing him the flowers then leaning in for a tender kiss. All of Lance’s tiredness and anxiety melted away and he leaned into the kiss, opening his mouth to allow Nathan to pull him even closer and explore past his lips. Nathan seemed reluctant when he pulled away. So was Lance.

“I wanted to make it up to you for this morning,” Nathan said taking Lance’s hand in his. Lance smiled timidly and bit back the lash of guilt he felt. Look at all that Nat had done for him and look at what Lance thought he’d come home to.

“I was thinking about it today while you were gone and I never should have treating you like that Lance. You didn’t do anything wrong. There was no reason for me to act like that.   
I know we haven’t done anything romantic lately so I wanted to put this together for you.”

“It looks amazing,” Lance scanned the table again, his heart warmed by the gesture. His stomach growled in anticipation.

But that’s when he realized couldn’t spell the food. At all.

“I’m so glad you think so,” Nathan’s tight grip clamped down on his bruise- sensitive wrist. Lance yelped as suddenly he was thrown harshly to his knees on the kitchen floor, Nathan’s angry form looming over him.

“I had this ready for you hours ago Lance,” Nathan stalked around him like he was about to pounce. Lance scrambled to get to his feet, the flowers forgotten on the floor, and his throat closing with fear and betrayal.

“I was at work! I told you,” Lance saw the blow coming and raised his arms in defense.

“I wanted to show you how much I cared for you Lance,” Nathan’s fists coming at him again and again, “that I was sorry for snapping at you over nothing!”

“Nat stop,” Lance was backed up against the table. His hand closed on the closest thing he could find and swung it at Nathan. The bowl broke over Nathan’s head, the salad inside flying everywhere. Blood trickled from Nathan’s forehead and into his eyes, which didn’t look any less terrifying, especially in the flickering candlelight. Nathan’s arms were around his shoulders and before he could try to pull away, they were both on the floor again. He screamed for Nat to stop, but he wasn’t listening.

Lance fought back. He landed several hard punches and even a good kick to the shin, but Nathan’s punches were harder. One caught Lance right on the bridge of his nose. His eyes watered and his face exploded in pain, his head in dizziness. He only registered Nathan leaving and returning due to the shift in body heat. Lance felt nauseous. Hands were on him again, clamped in his hair, and he went back struggling. 

“Nat, please,” Something cold circled his wrist and Lance’s fear spiked even more when he registered the fluffy red cuffs Nathan used the last time they’d fooled around. He was flipped to his stomach, his free arm wrenched behind him and cuffed to the other. “PLEASE NAT LET ME GO!”

He didn’t hold back as he flipped around and kicked both feet as hard as he could into Nathan’s balls.

Nathan howled in pain and Lance scrambled to his feet, ready to run, but his ankle was swept from beneath him and hands were pulling him back by his clothes, by his hair, until and thick leg clamped around both of Lance’s and he couldn’t move.

He was cradled in Nathan’s arms in a mock show of affection where he could see just how furious Nathan was. He almost regretted the nutt-shot he’d just taken. Almost.

Then Nathan’s attitude changed completely. Lance shook as Nathan petted his hair.

“Please just let me go Nat. Please,” his voice was just a whisper.

“Do you want to know why so I’m pissed at you Lance?” The hand in his hair was gentle. It made Lance shake even more. He choked on a sob, tears tracking down his face and into his ears and hair.

“All this time you keep telling me you’re not seeing anyone else,” Nathan casually wiped away a drop of blood that was dripping into his eyes. “You were lying weren’t you Lance.”

“NO, I wasn’t I swear, I-,” Nathan clamped his palm over Lance’s mouth and Lance sobbed into it.

“You think because I don’t work the same shifts as you, I’m not keeping tabs on you? I have friends there. They tell me everything that goes on and every fucking week that little bastard friend of yours comes in. You dating him Lance?”

‘You done chatting it up with your boyfriend?’ That’s what that man at the restaurant had said. He shook his head as much as he could. This was a mistake!

“What really pisses me off is I have to find out through someone else that you’re cheating on me. I was always faithful to you, I hung out with all your dorky friends… I spent all this time getting this dinner together for you and this whole time you’ve been seeing someone else- well you know what?” The hand over Lance’s mouth was removed so Nathan could move the lasagna into Lance’s lap. Lance tried to wriggle out of Nathan’s grip, but there wasn’t much room to move. “You’re going to eat it anyway,” Nathan finished shoveling a fistful of the food into Lance’s mouth.

Any protesting Lance was saying was cut short by the intrusion of the food. It was cold and felt wrong in his mouth. He tried to spit it out, but the hand was now over Lance’s jaw, keeping it clamped shut. Lance’s eyes shot wide. He was an ugly crier. When he got upset there were tears, there were scrunched, pained faces, and there was snot. He had been crying hard and by that point, he couldn’t breathe through his nose. 

Now he couldn’t breathe through his mouth either. So as quickly as he could he chomped the food and swallowed it, taking a big breath when he did- only for another chunk of food to be forced into his mouth and he hurried to swallow that too. He tried to breathe without opening his mouth too much, but Nathan just pried his jaw open and continued, until Lance felt sick and was sure he was going to puke it all back up. His stomach began spasm from being filled too quickly with hardly chewed food and a lump formed in his throat. He tasted bile.

He gasped for breathe and swallowed hard, trying not to let it come up. He had sauce on his face and down his neck. Nathan began wiping it gently away with napkins until he was clean again.

“Care for dessert?” Lance hadn’t noticed the chocolate covered strawberries before, but Nathan was presenting them now with pride. Lance shock his head. “No,” he whispered, his voice was raw. “Please, no more. Please.”

Nathan shrugged and placed them somewhere out of sight.

“I guess straight to the bedroom then,” he said and unraveled himself from Lance. Lance screamed himself horse as Nathan grabbed him by the ankles and began dragging him toward the bedroom. He twisted and kicked until he was being dragged on his stomach, and his nausea multiplied from the strain. His shirt rode up on the way causing harsh heat from the carpet along his chest. He noticed petals on the floor as they went, leading to the bedroom. The sight of them made him cry harder.

The bedroom was also lit with candles; there were petals on the bed. Lance was dumped face first onto the mattress and Lance swallowed bile as he twisted around to face Nathan. He spat and screamed and kicked at any part of Nathan he could reach. Nathan was getting noticeably frustrated. As they struggled, Lance landed a solid kick that launched him back off of the bed and into the dresser he’d been shoved into this morning.

And that’s when Lance remembered about the cuffs. Not that they were still there, that much was still very obvious, but that he’d only agreed to wear them because of their safety feature: a little latch that released the cuffs if pulled. His fingers fumbled beneath him to pull the latch and as soon as it was free he charged at Nathan who was already back on his feet. He put all his weight and momentum behind the sucker punch to Nathan’s face and Nathan went down hard.

Lance didn’t waste time waiting to see if he stayed down. As soon as he’d landed the punch, Lance was racing out of the bedroom, down the hall, and out the front door. The cold air outside burned in his lungs as he ran and the day’s toll on his body made him want to stop and just rest, but he ran and he didn’t stop running until he was on the porch of his apartment. 

He slammed his fists on the door, mind too terrified to remember about the spare key hidden under the loose board on the stairs. When the door finally opened he forced his way inside and locked the door behind him, sliding the chain in place.

He was inside. He was safe. He collapsed on the floor and only then realized Hunk was crouched in front of him looking terrified. He was saying something to Lance, but he didn’t hear it, nor did he care. Hunk would keep him safe. He would take care of him. With that last thought, the exhaustion of everything that happened that day caught up to him and he sagged into Hunk’s warm chest, completely passed out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I know you all probably wanted Lance to show up at Keith's dorm, but there's a reason I didn't do that which I'll get into later. Really I just hope you all don't hate me right now. I'm still brainstorming how I want the next chapter to go, but I'll get it down in writing once I've got it all planned out. I'm gonna go hide in a cave now. Bye.


	6. Soft Words and Honey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hunk taking care of Lance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter, but here you go.

When Lance next woke, he felt horrible. His body was sore and sensitive to every tiny movement he made. He knew Hunk was there. He didn’t want to open his eyes; there was a pulsing pain across his entire face, but he knew Hunk was there because he could smell honey and he could feel his warm fingers gently applying a lavender scented serum to his face, probably something to help clear his bruises.

Once Hunk realized he was awake, he began talking to him quietly. Lance didn’t even try to decipher what he was saying. His head hurt too much for that. But the soft, rounded edges of Hunk’s voice was soothing. He hummed tiredly, hoping Hunk would understand that he appreciated the soft words. Hunk seemed to get the point because he didn’t stop.  
He was in a soft bed, covered in a thick layer of blankets. He shifted under the blankets to test the soreness of the muscles in his legs. It hurt about as much as he expected it to. 

The movement also told him that he was wearing one of Hunk’s big T-shirts that hung loosely on his thin frame and a clean pair of his own boxers.  
When he did finally find his own voice he asked, “Did you shower me?” He could smell his shampoo. He opened one eye to peek at Hunk, who looked a little sheepish.

“Yeah, I did. I hope that’s okay. I had to get you cleaned up.”

Cleaned up? Lance didn’t remember anything that would warrant him needing to be cleaned. He hadn’t bled at all, he didn’t think. He must have made a face because Hunk went on.

“Well you woke up briefly after you got here, and well- you sort of- puked… a little bit.” (Lance had also puked all over the floor, but Hunk decided not to mention that. It was clean now anyway.) 

Lance thought for a moment and felt tears running hot down the sides of his head. Hunk had showered him. That meant that he’d seen all his bruises- new and old. Shame and guilt warred in his chest. That meant Hunk knew. Of course he did. There were only so many conclusions one could draw from the scene he’d made coming in.

Hunk immediately dove into action, helping Lance blow his nose, “No, Lance it’s okay. Don’t cry.”

“Did- did you tell,” he couldn’t finish, but Hunk understood anyway.

“No, I haven’t.” Hunk had wanted to. The second Lance had collapsed Hunk’s panic subsided enough to connect the dots. Lance had been pulling away from them lately, and Hunk thought it was strange. When he first met Nathan he’d seemed nice enough- but Hunk didn’t know if his hesitation to like Nathan was something to do with Nathan himself or the ever- evident fact that Keith had been so entirely crushed by Nathan’s introduction on the scene. 

But the scene before him now made it very clear that Nathan was responsible for the state Lance was currently in and he felt a surge of rage toward him. How dare he hurt Lance! How dare he even think to lay a hand on him! He wanted to call in the cavalry, mount their forces, and hunt Nathan down- tear him apart for doing this to Lance. But he also wanted to respect Lance’s privacy. As much as he knew Nathan deserved it, he knew Lance might not want everyone knowing his business just yet. Not when he was still so vulnerable. That vulnerability grew as Lance roused enough mumble incoherently only to become extremely sick everywhere. The anger Hunk felt didn’t go away, but he stored it somewhere in the back of his mind. Right then Lance needed him and that was way more important.

Lance was relieved. He didn’t want ANYONE to know; he felt so ashamed and stupid. He thought about all the ways he could have prevented this. He’d been afraid of going home after work. Why then did he go? He should have skipped Nathan’s house and come back to his own apartment. In the snap chats he’d watched during his break, he had seen how his relationship with Nathan was changing him. Why had he thought fixing things was even an option? He should have made the decision then and there to break things off with Nathan.

“I- I don’t want to see him again Hunk,” he was crying harder, “I can’t!”

“Then you don’t have to,” Hunk said wrapping an arm around Lance as gently as he could without disturbing any of Lance’s bruises. The angle was awkward, but he didn’t care as long as it made Lance feel protected. “You don’t ever have to see him again. We’ll get your stuff for you-“

“Oh God, Blue! I left her there! I didn’t even think-“

“We’ll get her too Lance.”

“I’ll have to see him Hunk! I want to break up. I don’t want anything to do with him anymore. I- I can’t do that over a text or phone call.”

“You don’t owe him anything,” Hunk pulled away a bit to look Lance in the eyes. It was hard not to look at the dark mask of a bruise that spanned the bridge of his nose and both eyes- or the other colored blotches along the left side of his face and head. “After what he’s done, he doesn’t deserve anything from you. The second he touched you like this he was dirt,” he was about to go on, but Lance was nodding tiredly and he decided to divert the conversation away from Nathan. The bastard didn’t even deserve Lance’s thoughts. 

“You must be hungry. I made you some stew,” he reached for the bowl, ready to spoon-feed his friend, but Lance was suddenly crying again.

“NO, no please. I don’t want it,” Lance grew rapidly pale and Hunk rushed to help Lance sit up a bit and dry heave into a big, plastic bowl Hunk had ready in case Lance got sick again. Now he was glad he’d set it aside, even though nothing was coming up. Lance was coughing and catching his breath and Hunk rubbed slow circles on Lance’s back until his breathing evened out again. He helped Lance lay back; he could feel Lance shaking a bit.

“I’m not hungry. I don’t want it,” Lance was in fact starving, having puked up everything previously in his stomach, but the thought of even Hunk feeding him was too close to Nathan, shoveling food down his throat. “I’m not hungry,” he repeated, but his stomach betrayed him by growling so loud that for a moment neither of them spoke.

“Lance, what’s going on,” Hunk ventured.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Lance hoped Hunk would understand. “Please, don’t make me.”

Hunk knew he was missing something, but let it slide. He was not about to force anything out of Lance. If he wanted to talk, he’d be there for him. He knew Lance knew this. 

"Okay,” He said, “But, you gotta eat something Lance.”

“’m not hungry,” Lance shook his head. “I can’t.”

Hunk thought for a moment. “What about something to drink? If I made you a smoothie would you want it?”

Lance paused, then nodded slowly. “I-yeah, I think that would be okay.”

“Okay, I’ll be right back,” Hunk took the stew from the room and put it away before starting the smoothie. He used yogurt and as many fruits as he could fit into the blender. If this was going to stand in place of a meal, then it needed to have substance. He made sure to blend it until it was smooth- no chunks at all and took it as well as a bottle of water to Lance.

He watched Lance carefully. He hesitated at first, but drank deeply after that. When Lance finished, Hunk went to put away the cup, but Lance stopped him.

“Could you- um, maybe stay? Here…with me?”

“Of course buddy. I’ll stay as long as you need me to,” he got up into the space in the bed Lance made for him and gently pulled Lance into his warmth. “Go to sleep. You’ll feel better once you’ve rested more,” he reached for the remote on the nightstand and found a Disney movie to play quietly in the background. They hadn’t even made it all the way through “The Circle of Life” before Lance was asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hunk is a precious bean. Feel better Lance! Till next time! :)


	7. Let Love Speak

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith wants to talk to Lance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for breaking consistency with updates! Our wifi is currently out (I come to you today from my Aunt's house.) I kept writing chapters though so I might upload more than one chapter today! Hopefully I can get my wifi fixed soon.
> 
> Anyway down to what you really want to know! I know there are a lot of expectations for how this scenario would play out. This is how I imagined it would happen. So here it is! I hope you all like it!

Keith was really getting anxious. It seemed Lance hadn’t just been planning to avoid him at the restaurant after the ‘incident’. It had been almost a week since then and he hadn’t seen him once. They only had a few classes together, but there were numerous times throughout the week he used to see Lance outside of class before Keith began isolating himself. He was nowhere it be found even in those in-between moments. Now that Keith was specifically seeking him out, it was even stranger that Lance was suddenly missing.

He’d texted him several times, but the messages went both unseen and unanswered. His attempts to call him went equally unanswered. He had approached Professor Coran, worried about Lance missing assignments, planning on picking them up for him, but the eccentric man informed him that Lance was receiving and submitting the material online.

So Lance had planned on missing this class. The same went for the other classes Keith shared with him and he could only assume that meant Lance was going very far out of his way to avoid seeing him. That stung a little more than he’d care to admit.

Had he crossed some sort of line? God knew he was horrible at reading social situations. Maybe at the restaurant, Keith had been projecting. After all he hadn’t been sure if Lance looked like he’d been crying. Or maybe he’d just cried from his hard double- shift and not being able to leave. He had seemed stressed; and for good reason, based on the words of that man that had ended their conversation, the customers really were being pretty nasty. 

But he was sure he had seen Lance flinch. The moment following it had been awkward so he KNEW he hadn’t imagined a false reaction. Then a horrible thought occurred to him. 

What if Keith himself had hurt Lance? 

He hadn’t meant to grab him; what if his grip was tighter than he would have intended and Lance’s reaction was the shock and pain that Keith would hurt him like that, seemingly for no reason. It would explain why he was avoiding him. The thought sent him into a mini panic attack. He wanted to go to Lance and Hunk’s apartment to check on him- apologize and beg forgiveness. But he didn’t want to force himself onto Lance if he didn’t want to see him. So he did the next best thing: he called Hunk.

When Hunk picked up the phone, he suddenly realized that he had no idea how to word what it was he wanted to say. If he asked what he really wanted to know- if he had hurt Lance and if so how badly- he was afraid of the answer he’d get so instead, after a lengthy, awkward pause he asked lamely, “Have you seen Lance?”

Hunk’s voice came stuttering over the line, “Do I know where Lance is? Ah… nope, no I don’t- haven’t seen him, I have no idea where he is.”

Bless Hunk and his inability to lie. At least that meant Lance wasn’t completely AWOL somewhere that no one knew where he was. Or with Nathan. He wasn’t sure why that thought bothered him, but it did. A lot.

“Where is he?”

“H-He’s kind of a little bit… here. But he doesn’t want to see anybody right now,” He added hastily and Keith’s mind immediately translated: he doesn’t want to see you.

“Is- is he okay,” the question sounded riddled with strain from the guilt Keith felt.

“Um…,”Hunk didn’t answer immediately. Keith’s heart shattered. He’d hurt Lance and now he was avoiding him- maybe even afraid of him. His eyes were watering faster than he could process. Even if he couldn’t be with him, he never wanted Lance hurt, and he NEVER wanted to be the one to hurt him.

He heard Lance’s voice in background and felt his guilt and relief from hearing his voice for the first time in almost a week. “Let him come,” He sounded tired and a bit reluctant. “He…kind of already knows something about it anyway.” There was Keith’s confirmation and the tears were now falling freely.

He rushed to the apartment thinking of any way he could explain himself without having to explain everything, his feelings included, but he could think of nothing so he settled for groveling. He didn’t want to lose Lance as a friend too.

He hesitated at the sidewalk for a moment before scaling the stairs to the porch. Hunk met him at door.

“Just a warning dude,” Hunk said, “I don’t know any of the details, but…it’s pretty bad. I- yeah, I don’t know, you’ll see,” he finished, leaving for his night class. 

He was first struck with dread. What happened had been so horrible that Lance hadn’t even told his best friend the details. He must be more upset than he thought, but then Keith was confused. This whole scenario seemed off. There’s no way Keith grasping Lance’s wrist could warrant lash back to this degree. But if that’s not what was going on here, then what the heck was?

“Lance?” He stepped into the apartment and closed the door, locking it behind him.

“In here,” came his voice a ways off. He hurried toward it. He rounded the corner to the bedroom and gaped at what he found.

“Oh my God Lance!” Keith rushed his way to where he sat- in a chair at a desk, likely doing homework before Keith’s arrival. He crouched in front of the chair taking Lance’s multicolored face gently in his hands- his touch feather light. He didn’t know what to say. The bruises on his face had turned a sickly yellowish color with small spots of green; the same went for the ones on his forearms from defending himself and the one on his wrist, all of which were on display in his short sleeve shirt. 

Lance had stopped his efforts to hide them away beneath clothes. He was now completely disillusioned to Nathan’s treatment of him and hiding the bruises were just helping hide how much of an ass Nathan was. He was perfectly fine displaying them, though he had asked each of his professors for his school work online. He didn’t know if he necessarily wanted to brave the hallways of the Garrison with his face the way it was right now.

“Did- did he…,” He finally focusing on Lance’s eyes, blue as ever, and struggled to keep the rough tremor of fiery emotion from his voice. “Did he do this to you?”

Lance let out a breath he’d been holding and nodded slowly.

Keith was known for his temper. He wasn’t called the hothead of the group for nothing. And in this moment a raging hot inferno of disgust and hate erupted in his chest, but he swallowed it down. He was not usually one to stifle his instincts and right now his instincts were telling him to burn Nathan alive, but he knew what it was like to be where Lance was now, and a display of anger was not what he needed. ‘Not now,’ he thought. He let the anger fester inside to put to better use later, while allowing his heart- and his love for Lance- to speak instead.

“I’m so sorry,” he breathed, and leaned in close to Lance, his hands still on either side of his face. “God, I’m so, so sorry.”

Keith didn’t realize he had tears again until Lance went to wipe them away. “It’s okay, Keith.”

“No! No it’s not! I-I saw the look on your face when I-,” he looked to Lance's exposed wrist where the bruise left a bracelet of dead and dying skin cells. “I should have known.”

“How could you have known,” Lance asked. He was glad he’d already cried himself dry by now or he’d be crying again too. “I didn’t even know, not that he was capable of this.”

“I’ve seen abuse Lance,” Keith said, letting Lance take his hands from his face and hold them in his own. “I know what it looks like. I suspected, you- God, I never should have let you go home to him! I should have said something!”

“If you had, I would have denied it. I never thought he’d go as far as he did,” Lance whispered.

Keith froze at that. He didn’t want to ask, ‘How far did he go,’ but Lance seemed to know what he was thinking because slowly, Lance started, “He was wait- waiting for me-“

“You don’t have to tell me,” Keith interrupted.

“I want to,” Lance answered and with that blue gaze on him, there was nothing Keith could say to refuse him so he stayed silent and listened. The more he spoke, the more the red pit of hot rage in his chest flared dangerously. Lance discovered he was wrong, he still had some tears left because as he stuttered over the details of Nathan dragging him to the room with intent to rape him, he started crying again. 

Keith couldn’t stop the urge that overtook him at seeing those tears. He pulled Lance gently from the chair and onto the floor with him where he physically enveloped himself around the man he loved, who sniffed loudly into his shoulder. He didn’t miss the cruel irony of being able to finally hold him in such an intimate way, but not at all for the reason he wished.

He was crushed beneath the weight of his guilt. He had wanted Lance and Nathan to break up, but he never wanted this. 

He took a moment to appreciate the fact that Lance trusted him enough to tell him about all this- things he apparently hadn’t even told his best friend. He felt like he was taking advantage of his vulnerability holding him like this and thinking of him as a lover when what Lance needed was a friend. He was determined to be the friend Lance needed him to be. There on the floor, with him cradled in his arms, he decided that Lance was never, ever to find out how he really felt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all like how this chapter came out.  
> Cuddles are the best medicine. :)


	8. Sleepy Morning Light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance wakes up in Keith's arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yaaaaayyy! Two chapters in one day!  
> This is to make up for the fact that I may not be able to post again for a minute until I can get wifi in my house again.  
> To be clear, there are a lot things said in this chapter about abusive relationships.  
> These are Lance's current opinion of himself.  
> Abuse is NEVER the victim's fault!

Lance was so grateful to have people in his life like Hunk and Keith, who cared for and supported him far more than he could have dreamed they would. He had been a bit afraid of how Keith would react when he found out. The thing he feared most was that once everyone found out, they would say things like, “Why didn’t you say anything, why didn’t you leave him, why did you ever go out with him in the first place?”

These were the questions that haunted his dreams and he hated them because he had none of the answers. He never said anything because nothing Nathan did ever seemed to him like this would be the outcome. Not at the time at least. Now it seemed so plain he felt stupid for not seeing it. But what was that saying about vision of the past being 20/20, or however it went? He never sought help because he never thought he needed it. His relationship with Nathan had been good for a majority of the time they’d been together. He would never have even agreed to go out with him if he knew what he was really like.

And as for why he never left, Lance wanted to scream at himself. The night Nathan had assaulted him, he’d been having doubts! Thoughts of missing how happy and confident he used to be and how they began to fade away after Nathan came along, distress from the events of that morning, and wondering if that was what he could expect for the future. But so much had been going on that day. He never had the opportunity to think about breaking things off with him. On top of that, Lance had made excuses for him. Over and over he explained the things Nathan did away, never took them seriously, or just outright went out of his way not to see it. So in the end he could blame Nathan all he wanted, but ultimately all of this was his own fault.

When Keith came through that door, he braced himself for these questions. He prepared for Keith to judge him for not preventing this from the start or being able to stop Nathan during the assault. He knew all of these possibilities were unlikely- but he couldn’t stop the fear from being there nonetheless.  


But Keith had done the opposite of all these things. He didn’t judge him or blame him in the subtle ways those dreaded questions did. Lance saw the flash of anger on Keith’s face. 

He saw Keith assigning blame, but assigned it to Nathan and to himself. Instead of blaming Lance for not recognizing the abuse for what it was, HE had apologized for not recognizing it in Lance. That’s something Lance hadn’t been expecting. Lance was so overwhelmed with relief because Keith was understanding in a way his fears told him he would not be. He was gentle and light and Lance was touched by the out-of character reaction.

He knew Keith was angry. He’d seen it boiling in his eyes, but right then he was looking at Lance like he was the most important thing in the world and Lance knew he could trust Keith with this. With all of it. So he told him everything. Well mostly everything. He left out the part Keith played in Nathan’s anger toward him that night. Keith was already blaming himself. There was no reason to add to it.

When he began crying, Keith had held him and let him cry for hours. He never said anything like Hunk did when he cried, but somehow that didn’t matter. Keith was solid and steady and really Lance was just glad Keith wasn’t repulsed by him in the state he was in. It had not been pretty, but Keith didn’t seem to mind. He’d just pulled him in tighter and ran his fingers through Lance’s hair. The motion was different than when Nathan had done it that night. It wasn’t demeaning or dangerous as his had been. It was calming and Lance realized he wasn’t the only one melting into the other’s touch. He felt safe in Keith’s arms.

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Hunk returned from his class late. After his class let out, he decided to stop and grab some groceries for Lance. Ever since Lance came home that night, almost a week ago now, he refused to eat solid foods. They had tried twice to see if whatever was wrong had passed, but the attempts had backfired. The first time, Lance had tried he coughed and choked around the food and had to spit it out. He then apologizing to Hunk over and over for the next hour. The second time, he had forced himself to swallow, but it had come back up almost immediately, along with all the rest of his stomach contents. By now Hunk had given up trying to get Lance to eat solid food- or for the time being at least.

That’s why Hunk had gone to buy more fruit, yogurt, soups, apple sauce, and anything else he could think of that would keep Lance healthy and full while they figured out how to fix whatever it was that was stopping Lance from eating solid foods in the first place. Hunk knew it was something Nathan had done, but couldn’t imagine what it could be. He couldn’t imagine being afraid of food. Food was safety and warmth and the centers that grounded your day. He hated Nathan even more.

He put the groceries away and went to check on Lance. He forgot all about Keith coming over before he left until he found them both cuddled together on Lance’s bedroom floor, their legs tangled, and Lance’s head tucked into the crook of Keith’s neck. He thought they were both asleep until he saw Lance’s red-rimmed eyes peeking at him.

“You alright on the floor buddy? It doesn’t look comfortable,” Hunk whispered so as not to wake Keith. He looked so at peace holding Lance in his sleep. Hunk knew exactly why.

“I want to stay here,” Lance answered quietly. Hunk noticed him subtly nuzzle himself closer into Keith’s neck. Hunk nodded and grabbed one of the bigger blankets and a few pillows off of Lance’s bed, covering them both in the blanket. Lance didn’t use the pillows. He was content where he was, but he kept them nearby. Lance quietly thanked Hunk before he left them to sleep.

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Lance hadn’t slept so well in a long time. Over the course of the past week, he had nightmares that interrupted any peace he may have gotten at night, mostly of Nat. He dreamt of what Nat did to him, and what he could have done had Lance not gotten away when he did.

Lance had turned off his phone. The morning after the assault, Nathan started texting him and calling him, over and over. Lance had been overwhelmed with the flood of notifications and panicked. He’d turned it off without even reading any of the messages and handed his phone over to Hunk so he wouldn’t be tempted to look. He used Hunk’s phone to keep in touch with his momma. He told her he’d lost his own phone, but it should turn up sooner or later. Knowing the chaos Lance’s room sometimes became she hadn’t questioned it.

It felt good to talk to her. He didn’t tell her what happened and vowed never to let her find out. It would break her heart. She had been able to tell something was wrong, but she knew her son well enough to know that he needed her to just talk- about anything- and he would feel better. Prying would not help. She hoped Lance’s friends were being there for him while she could not. Talking to his momma had done his heart a lot of good because God, had he needed that.

They still hadn’t gone to get Lance’s things. He feared for Blue. Hunk had spent all of his time and energy split between making sure Lance was okay and his own classwork. They were going to wait until the weekend because there was a lot to grab and they didn’t exactly expect Nathan to open the door and invite them on in. Lance himself was NOT going to go. Hunk had assured him that he would pass on the message that they were broken up, but they were going to ask some of the others to help. Waiting would give Lance time to collect himself and heal before having to rope anyone else in. That also gave him time to prepare for everyone finding out what happened. Well the weekend was here.

Lance woke up to the soft rise and fall of Keith’s chest and dim shafts of early morning light creeping slowly through his galaxy- print curtains. This was the first time Lance had slept completely through the night. He had dreamed in nothing but vague colors and wisps- nothing that stayed with him once he was fully awake, but he didn’t mind that at all. He felt rested.

Keith was not very warm. He found that between the two, Lance supplied most of the body heat they were currently sharing, but Keith was grounding. He didn’t move much in his sleep and Lance was able to drape himself over him in any way he found comfortable and it didn’t seem to bother him. 

Lance felt a little bit like a creeper watching Keith sleep, but he couldn’t help it. They’d known each other for years, and of course he’d seen Keith asleep before. He’d fallen asleep tons of times during movie nights, but now somehow felt different. Keith looked vulnerable. Not in the way he had when they first met. That had been an aggressive and very defensive vulnerability; like a dog that growls at anyone who comes near because it had been kicked too many times. 

No, this was different. It was like the peace at the center of a storm- something powerful and fantastic at rest. His usual guards and defenses that were up when awake- yes, even towards his friends- were down right now. He was laying on his back, head slightly tilted and his bangs swept back, revealing his forehead. His mouth- usually tight with a frown- was soft and slightly open, his breathing silent. The line between his brows was gone and his dark lashes swept gracefully over his pale skin. Lance never noticed how long they were before.

But then those lashes began to flutter and suddenly Lance was looking Keith straight in the sleep softened eyes.

“Wha’re you doing,” Keith slurred, blinking the sleep from his eyes.

“What’re YOU doing,” Lance countered. He could feel his face heat with the embarrassment of being caught staring.

“I was sleeping,” Holy Hell Keith’s morning voice was sexy! Lance actually squeaked as the thought crossed his mind. “Were you watching me sleep,” Keith’s cheeks were pink now too.

“IT’s cause you snore!”

“No I don’t.”

Lance thought maybe Keith would want him to move away now that they were awake so he started to sit up, intending to create some distance, but Keith stopped him.

“Where are you going,” Keith cringed at the how desperate he sounded. He hadn’t meant to say it, but he didn’t want Lance to leave.

Lance heard the need in Keith’s voice. He blushed harder, but he really didn’t want to leave so he returned to his space in Keith’s arms, head resting under Keith’s chin.

“N-nowhere,” he murmured. He could feel Keith’s steady heartbeat under his hand and a soft sigh in his hair. 

Lance knew Keith was touch starved. He would never admit it and if anyone claimed it aloud to him he’d deny it till the day he died, but Lance knew it was true. Even the dog who’d been kicked too many times craved love. It’s why Shiro always went to ground Keith with a hand on the shoulder. It’s why Keith never initiated hugs, but if pulled into one, he would be reluctant to pull away. He was always hesitant in physical contact with others and let others dictate the rules of the contact. That’s part of why Keith’s very physical reaction to seeing Lance’s bruises the day before had been so unexpected, but not unwelcome. So Lance knew that Keith was getting as much out of staying here like this as he was and he didn’t mind sharing it with him. They both needed it.

They were quiet for a while, just breathing together. Keith was in fucking Heaven. If the circumstances were different, this would be absolute perfection. As it was, he regretted how they came to be here, but damn if he wasn’t going to soak in every second of holding Lance like this as he could, while he could.

He bought had a heart attack when Lance spoke, somehow fearing he’d read his thoughts.

“Hey Keith?”

“Y-yeah?”

“Can I ask you something? And, and you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.”

“Sure? I guess,” He was suddenly nervous.

“Well, you said something yesterday,” Oh God, had he said something stupid? It became rapidly apparent to Keith how touchy-feely he’d been and realized how intimate that seemed. He hoped Lance wasn’t staying here because he felt like he had to.

“O…okay.”

“You said that- that you…knew what abuse looked like. That- that you should have known…,” He had said that hadn’t he. Shit.

“What did you mean by that,” Lance moved so that he could look Keith in the eyes. Keith was working very hard to avoid meeting his gaze. “You don’t have to answer,” Lance looked away regretting asking because he was sure Keith was uncomfortable now.

They were quiet again for a while. Lance heard Keith swallow and felt guilty.

“My mom left when I was five.” It was just a whisper, but in the quiet hours of the early morning, Lance had no problem hearing him.

“My… dad- he didn’t know what the hell he was doing. He didn’t know how to raise me by himself,” Keith hesitated. The only other person who knew any of this about him was Shiro. It wasn’t as easy to talk about as he’d hope for it to be, even to Lance. “He resented me for my mom leaving us. At first he was just neglectful, but later he’d drink himself into a rage and he’d take out his anger on me.”

Lance could hardly breathe. He wanted to say something, but he knew this was hard for Keith to get out so he didn’t interrupt.

“After a while, he didn’t need alcohol to beat me. I learned to be afraid of him, but made excuses for him like he was justified. I- I blamed myself for her leaving too. I was a little kid, I didn’t know any better,” Keith swallowed again.

“And, despite everything he ever did to me…I still loved him; he was my dad.” Keith breathed a humorless laugh. “How fucking up is that? I HATED him,” his voice shook a bit, “But I loved him. I hated him FOR loving him. How was that fair? What reason did he give me to grant him any kind of affection?”

Keith took a moment to collect himself. Lance hugged an arm around Keith’s shoulder and pulled them tighter together. 

“I had just turned twelve when he died. Alcohol poisoning. I still grieved him. It felt like he had won something from me- that he still had power over me to make me upset even when he wasn’t around. I missed being with him though. He was all the family I had left. And- and at least with him I knew what to expect. After he died I was put into foster care,” he knew that this was beyond the scope of Lance’s question, but he had started and now he couldn’t seem to stop. “No one wanted a kid like me. I was too old, too… messed up. I never knew what to expect from the foster homes. They were always different and I usually never stayed in one home for too long. Except two.” 

“The first home I was at for almost a year; the Sacher family. It was just a couple and their kid. He was about my age and we got along really well. That was the first home I’d been in that didn’t make me feel like I was just temporary. I had my own room, my own things, I had my fourteenth birthday with them. They threw me a big party. I think they planned to adopt me,” Lance tensed for the next part.

“But then Henry, their son, he got sick. Really sick…and there wasn’t a whole lot the doctors could do before- he...he died,” Keith had loved Henry. Even if he’d only known him for less than a year, Henry had been his partner in crime. It was hard to watch him go. “They couldn’t bear to have me in the house after that. They said that they were sorry, but it felt like they were betraying Henry by having me there so I went back to bouncing from home to home.”

“And then, just before I turned sixteen, I was placed with the Shiroganes,” Lance knew that Keith wasn’t Shiro’s actual brother, but for some reason had never given the matter much thought. When Keith showed up in high school partway through sophomore year, he never ventured to guess why he was suddenly here. Lance just focused on making sure there was a place for him now that he was.

“I stayed in their home until I was eighteen. They tried to legally adopt me, but the process was so long and complicated that I ended up just aging out of the foster system. Shiro made sure I had a solid plan for when I did. He’s the one who helped me apply to the Garrison and get all my scholarships,” now Lance could hear the small smile in Keith’s voice and silently thanked Shiro for all the things he never knew he had done for Keith.

“I should have known when you stopped coming to hang out, or at the restaurant, or-,” Lance shook his head against Keith’s chest.

“You couldn’t have known. There’s nothing you could have done.”

“Yeah, well… there’s something I can do now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Might we see a confrontation soon? Me thinks perhaps we shall!  
> Anyway I hope you all liked this chapter! :)  
> Also once I go home today I'm back to no wifi. :'(  
> So the next time I update will depend on when I actually finish the next chapter and when I can access the internet again.  
> Hopefully both are soon! :)


	9. What is Love?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone is pissed. Nuff said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for disappearing for a while! I still have no wifi so I just went to a starbucks. Hopefully mine is fixed soon! Anyway here's the chapter you've all been waiting for! I hope it meets at least some of your expectations!

When the sleepy morning light moved to fill the whole room, they finally got up off the floor, both aching a bit from the odd sleeping place, but neither regretting it even a bit. Hunk was making pancakes (and a breakfast smoothie for Lance) and as they sat down to eat, they came up with a game plan.

Hunk would text or call half the crew and Keith the other to tell them what had happened and what needed to be done. Matt was going to come over and keep Lance company and distract him so he wouldn’t worry himself sick about how ‘Operation SMASH and GRAB’ was going. Hunk and Keith added the SMASH. Lance emphasized the GRAB. Lance made a list (it was very long) of all the things he could think of at Nathan’s place and where he thought he left them.

By noon Hunk had gathered his half of the group and Keith had contacted everyone except Pidge, who he figured was probably balls deep in some project or another. He decided to go get her himself.

When he pulled up outside of her apartment complex, he revved his bike as loud as he could until Pidge came out looking disgruntled and confused.

“The Hell are you doing here,” she said.

Keith tossed her a helmet, which she caught looking even more put out.

“Get on.”

“Keith what the actual fuck?”

“Nathan beat the shit out Lance. Now get on, we’re going to go bash his face in.”

Pidge made a face that very clearly read, ’BITCH!’ and climbed onto the bike behind Keith without another word.

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Pulling up outside of Nathan’s house was like an army arriving at their enemy’s door. Everyone was pissed and ready to get their hands on Nathan. Hunk had made copies of Lance’s long list and assigned people different things off of it to grab. They weren’t leaving until they had everything, but for some reason once Keith arrived they all looked to him for what came next.

“Let’s go,” he said simply and they made their way up to the porch. He didn’t bother knocking. He’d seen the bastard look out the window at them and now he was hiding. But there were a few nefarious skills one picks up when fending for themselves and one of those many skills was picking a lock.

Once the door was open everyone came bursting in, splitting up to their sections of the house to gather Lance’s things.

Nathan came charging in from the kitchen looking pissed, but before he had the chance to say a word, Hunk had him trapped against the wall. Nathan wasn’t exactly small, but neither was Hunk.

“Get the fuck out of my house!”

“You shut up and pay attention,” Hunk shook Nathan hard until he had it. “You go anywhere near Lance again I'll set you on fire and use you to roast marshmallows understand?” 

Hunk was not usually one to make threats, he didn’t particularly care for confrontation, but he’d go to the ends of the Earth for the ones he loved, and right now Keith was a little wary of him.

But Nathan had his nerve to smile. “That little twink coward doesn’t even have to guts to come back here and confront me himself,” his cold eyes looked Hunk up and down. “He has to have his little friends come and do it. How sweet.”

Hunk’s punch hit Nathan square in the jaw and was powerful enough to dent the wall where Nathan’s head hit it.

Somewhere down the hall came the sound of something glass breaking. “Oops,” followed Pidge’s voice, sounding not very apologetic.

“You think it’s fun to hurt the ones you’re supposed to care about,” Keith stepped forward. His rage was boiling to the surface and he had to contain it for a little while so he could speak. His words were low and dangerous. “Does it make you feel like a big, strong man?”

“Oh,” Nathan said, sizing him up. “You must be Keith; Lance’s little Side Bitch,” he laughed.  
Keith’s fists were aching to color Nathan black and blue (he was proud to see that Lance’s escape had left Nathan with a few of his own yellowing bruises as well as a beautiful shiner), but he listened patiently, slowly taking his gloves off and stowing them away in his jacket pocket. He wanted to feel it on his knuckles when he beat the shit out this bastard.

Nathan looked unimpressed. “Have you tasted him yet? Ass is so tight, I got that shit to bleed a couple times-,”And that was all Keith needed to hear before charging forward- his veins drunk on fiery hot rage and adrenaline. Nathan was bigger than Keith, but Keith had learned to fight opponents bigger than him. They exchanged blows and kicks, but Keith was a faster, more disciplined fighter and far more motivated than Nathan, whereas Nathan had only brute strength.

Hunk stayed back. Keith could hold his own. Allura wondered casually past the fight to grab things from the kitchen. After a lengthy exchange of punches and tumbles, Keith had Nathan back against the wall again. Nathan, who seemed to sense he was losing, decided he’d need to play it a little more dirty.

“You- you should have seen the look on his face,” he said between heavy breathes. “When he FINALLY got that we weren’t here to have a cutesy little date. He- was begging me to let him go!”

Keith was holding nothing back, but Nathan’s words were getting to him and Nathan was able to block his blows before delivering one straight to Keith’s face. It snapped Keith’s head back and left his lip and nose bleeding.

“And when I had the cuffs on him? Oh, he was just precious- struggling and- screaming and crying,” Nathan was landing more and more punches- his words hitting home with Keith more than any blow could. He was faltering. A hard punch to the gut landed him on the floor. Nathan swung his foot for a kick to Keith’s face that never landed because  
Hunk suddenly had him pinned to the wall again none too gently.

“What, you can’t even keep a fair fight,” He yelled. “Two against fucking one!”

“Actually it’s more like five to one, Bitch,” said Pidge as she strolled into the room with Allura and Shiro close behind and all of them with boxes of Lance’s things.

“You have your nerve to talk about fair fights after you cuffed Lance so he couldn’t fight back,” growled Keith, using Nathan’s kitchen towel to wipe off the blood from his lip.

“Yeah? Well what’s stopping me from calling the fucking cops? You break into my house, steal a bunch of shit, and fucking jump me? Huh? And you,” he pointed to Keith. “I’m gonna make sure YOU do time. If I can’t have him I’m making damn sure you never get him.”

Keith was about to explode again with anger, a new wave of adrenaline overtaking him, but he stopped when the room suddenly filled with Hunk’s laughter. It was sort of unsettling and wiped the stupid smile off Nathan’s face.

“I wish you would,” Hunk said slowly. “See, I’m the one who took care of Lance when he showed up on the porch. As soon as I saw what you did to him I figured I wouldn’t be the only who wanted to tear you a new one. So I got insurance.”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean,” Nathan scoffed.

“Yes, Hunk what’re you talking about,” asked Allura.

“Once Lance was okay enough to go, I took him down to the Police Station. We made a report against you, had pictures taken of Lance’s injuries and had them all cataloged. Then we got all your neighbor’s statements as to anything they heard or saw, and they confirmed that you were the aggressor. We’ve got a whole case built against you. But Lance is holding off on actual charges,” Hunk wasn’t so happy about that part, but it gave them leverage. “What’s stopping him from going ahead with those charges?” He finished with a huge grin. In the end, Nathan couldn’t try to report any of this without bringing charges for assault and attempted rape against himself.

He seemed to realize this because he suddenly didn’t look so cocky.

“So, I just need one more thing from you and then you can go back to doing whatever scum like you does,” said Hunk, coming up into Nathan’s space. “Where…is…Blue?” They had found Lance’s keys- a NASA lanyard, with Varadero Beach and Zelda key chains accompanying his actual keys. But Blue had not been out front where Lance had parked her that night.

Nathan’s smile was back. “I don’t know where that Junker is.”

Before Hunk could say or do anything, Keith had his knife at Nathan’s throat and Nathan was visibly sweating. “You wanna try that again?”

“Whoa Keith!” Shiro started to come forward, putting his box down. He stepped between Nathan and Keith, a hand on his chest, but Keith glared past Shiro at Nathan and they got their answer quickly.

Keith wasn’t backing down though. All he could think of was Lance crying and begging for Nathan to stop. He thought of Nathan’s intensions before Lance escaped. He wanted to carve Nathan’s heart out and shove it up his ass, but Shiro, trying to prevent Keith from getting blood on his hands, pried his knife from him before releasing him. Keith charged 

Nathan and released the anger that he’d set aside to fester. It was anger for what he did to Lance, for what he tried to do, and what he was.

He was yelling, and after a moment he was crying too. “WHEN YOU SAY YOU LOVE SOMEONE, YOU LOVE THEM! YOU RESPECT THEM AND YOU CHERISH THEM BECAUSE THEY ARE  
EVERYTHING! YOU WORTHLESS PATHETIC SHIT!”

Nathan was blocking some of Keith’s blows, but most hit home.

“YOU DON’T GET TO HURT PEOPLE AND CALL IT LOVE! YOU DON’T GET TO MANIPULATE THEM INTO THINKING THAT THAT’S WHAT LOVE IS LIKE!”

Only when Keith’s emotions and sudden drop in adrenaline drained from him did he stop. They stared at each other for a moment- Nathan browbeaten and Keith with hate. “Stay the Hell away from Lance,” Keith growled, breathing hard. “I’m warning you this once. And next time I won’t stop.”  
He didn’t want to leave it at that. This bastard deserved to rot. But now that his energy had faded Shiro was there at his shoulder telling them that it was time to leave, that Nathan wasn’t worth the trouble they’d get into if this went any further.

They went and packed their boxes in whatever transportation they all came in, not shy about knocking things over and making final threats (Pidge threw in a satisfying kick to the family jewels) on the way out. Allura drove Hunk out to the parking lot of an abandoned warehouse across town where Blue sat lonely and waiting. He stopped and refilled her gas on the way home. Apparently Nathan had siphoned it all out before leaving her there. She purred to Hunk as they drove, as if she knew she’d be back with Lance soon and she couldn’t wait to see him.

The span of time following ‘Operation SMASH and GRAB’ could be classified as a roller coaster of emotions. Lance had been both shocked and relieved to see Blue was okay. With the boxes of Lance’s things stowed safely in his room, everyone showered Lance in reassurance and gave him the best thing they could have: providing an environment of normalcy. They sat around playing music and did homework all the rest of the day while regaling Lance and Matt with some of the details of their ‘mission’. Through all the rush and excitement, it took a moment for Lance to notice the absence of a certain Mullet.

Everyone noticed the emotional state Keith was in when they left Nathan’s house. After making sure Blue would be retrieved, Keith got on his bike and skidded out, leaving a worried Shiro and stranded Pidge behind. “He just needs a minute,” is all Shiro had said to Pidge before giving her a ride here (and promising a rode home) and that’s what he said again when Lance asked.

Lance wasn’t sure why he was so disappointed. Having all of his things back and cutting himself free of Nathan felt amazing. This was a huge victory, but he couldn’t help but feel that the victory was hollow without Keith there to celebrate it with him- them! All-Everyone…including him that is.

After Keith’s confession that morning, Lance felt he understood Keith a bit more. He felt closer to him, and his absence now just somehow felt wrong. He spent the rest of the day feeling a bit off, wondering why on Earth Keith’s absence was having such an effect on him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that happened. Next chapter update again will depend on when I finish it and when I next get wifi. :p


	10. Shifting Sands

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time for a bon fire on the beach.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Here's the next chapter! I know it's short! I'm sorry!

In an attempt to return to normalcy after the events of the last week, they decided to go on with the plans they’d made previously to get a fire pit on the beach. Lance was looking forward to it because he was hoping Keith would show up (after all he had been planning to come before). Lance hadn’t seen or heard from Keith since Saturday morning. It’s not like a whole lot of time had passed since then (it was only Sunday afternoon), but given how tense and emotionally charged everything had been during that time, he was itching to see Keith.

Lance was also excited to have the focus shifted off of him. Normally he was all for getting attention (there was nothing wrong with that), but not the type of attention he’d been getting lately. He appreciated his friend’s concern, but after so much of Hunk looking after him and Allura calling to see if he wanted her to get him anything, he was beginning to feel like a burden. As understanding and supportive as they were to him after what happened, he wished they would just leave him alone for a bit.

And anyway, he was embarrassed. He felt helpless and naïve. The thought that for all those months he had held hands, kissed, and even slept with that man made him sick to his stomach. Nathan hadn’t just been his first boyfriend; he had been his first EVERYTHING. As much as he flirted and openly flaunted his sexuality, he had never been in a relationship. So Nathan had been his first kiss.

And Nathan had taken his virginity. Or rather, Lance had given it to him. When that particular detail reared itself in his head he felt even more stupid and cheated. At the time it had felt special enough, but he hadn’t known what Nathan was or that he wouldn’t object to having sex with Lance whether it was consensual or not. He just wanted to forget about Nathan- forget they had ever even been together- forget that he even existed. They were broken up. That was a start, but he couldn’t get back what he had willingly given. But who could he blame? His first time hadn’t been forced. He thought Nathan was special. He thought Nathan thought HE was special. What a lie both of those turned out to be. He felt even more pathetic and used. 

Well it looked like he was going to be disappointed on the Mullet front because he, Pidge, and Hunk were all at Kalenacker’s Shake Shack stocking up on milkshakes to last them the night and Keith was nowhere to be seen. He felt even more restless when the only comment on his absence was Pidge’s, “Guess he needed more than a minute,” remark. Again, he couldn’t say why Keith’s absence was making him feel so jittery. But it felt like Keith had gone missing and no one seemed to care. Lance cared. He wanted Keith here.

“Maybe you should text him,” he said.

“Nah,” Pidge shrugged. “Let him come out when he’s ready.”

That didn’t make Lance feel any better.

The sun was just beginning to make its decent into the ocean, casting vibrant oranges and reds over the sky and dancing waters when they made their claim on a fire pit. Once they finished setting up the cushy outdoor furniture they always brought for nights like this, Lance took a moment to let the churning waters rush around his feet and legs. The water was cold. The sand shifted beneath his toes. It grounded him. The salty smell, the ebb and flow of sound, the push and pull of the water- everything about the beach left alive to him. It renewed his spirits in a way he hadn’t realized he needed.

He returned to their pit when the sun finally disappeared, leaving the sky a dramatic scape of burnt purples and blues. Pidge was buried deep in her thick beach blanket and Hunk already had the fire growing in the pit, giving the whole area a bubble of warmth. Lance sat so the fire was at the edge of his vision, but still had a view of the water. Despite the setting, the atmosphere was awkward and he still felt a bit uncomfortable. The conversation felt forced- like they were actors who’d forgotten their lines and were making everything up on the spot to fill in time.

It didn’t help when Hunk began making the specialty Smores he’d been so eager to try and Lance couldn’t bring himself to eat them. He had been doing well as far as eating goes. He could now have more than liquids without becoming sick, but only with small things like raisins or something equally sized as well as oatmeal, soups, and stews- things that, granted could probably be considered more liquid than solid, but it’s further along than he’d been that first night when the thought of Hunk feeding him stew had made him retch. Instead he went through a few of the milkshakes, feeling defeated at the fact that Nathan didn’t even need to be around to make Lance feel worthless.

Hunk was looking at him like he wanted to ask if he was okay or apologize for the fact that Lance couldn’t eat the Smores. Pidge was humming to herself, trying to avoid looking Lance’s way and make him even more uncomfortable. Lance was starting to think this night was a mistake, when suddenly Keith was at his shoulder. Lance blushed at how quickly he sat up, excited to see him. He hoped the glow from the fire covered it up.

“Hey Keith, buddy, you made it,” Lance scrambled over to make room for Keith to sit next to him. Lance felt a pang of guilt when he noticed Keith had bruises on his face and down his neck. Had Nathan done that? But he also felt himself blush deeper when he noticed Keith was wearing a blue sweatshirt; he never thought of blue as a color that would look so good on Keith, but it brought out the intense violet color of his eyes- well the one that wasn’t black that is.

“Yeah,” Keith rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. “I finally finished Coran’s paper. Decided I could still make it out.”

Lance jumped at the opportunity for a normal conversation. “Ah man! I totally forgot! I haven’t even started it!”

“Well you have till Tuesday to do it,” said Pidge smirking. “Looks like somebody’s got some catching up to do!”

“You’ll help me right?”

Pidge scoffed. “I still need to finish mine! Besides I think I found a secret side-quest on level forty-eight of Killbot. I’ve been saving up life points so I can check it out!”

“Awww come on Pidgey,” Lance whined. “Everybody knows you can poop out an essay in two seconds flat and still get good grades on them!”

Pidge sighed, “It’s a gift. Besides all a paper is, is a bunch of obvious statements, a few fancily worded phrases, and a healthy dose of BS.”

“Well you BS better than me,” Lance smirked, then dodged the flaming marshmallow that sailed past him. It skidded out into the sand. Pidge giggled at Lance’s affronted look. 

Hunk gave a short laugh and Keith smiled. 

The tension in the air blew off with the breeze. Things suddenly seemed normal again and Lance finally felt himself relax into the cushions. The shift in mood made him feel brave.

“Hey Keith, can you pass me a piece of Kit Kat?”

Keith went to oblige and Lance watched in horror as Keith snapped the Kit Kat, not along the intended breaks, but in half across them before holding the piece out for Lance to take.

“What the heck are you doing,” his voice went up at the tragedy of it.

“You asked-“

“You just killed a perfectly good Kit Kat! What did it ever do to you?”

“It’s not alive Lance. You can’t kill-“

“That’s not the point!”

Keith balked. “What are you even talking about?”

“Look what you’ve done,” Lance cradled the Kit Kat in his hands like a comrade fallen in battle.

Keith looked to the others for help, but Pidge had her hand to her heart, faking tears. “Your sacrifice will never be forgotten!” Hunk sniffed loudly.

“It’s just a piece of candy!”

“It had its whole life ahead it!”

“You were about to eat it! And- and it’s still not alive!”

This is what Lance was missing. Bickering with Keith was familiar. It never had to be forced and Lance was glad for a return to routine. Besides it was so easy to get Keith riled up and Lance would be lying if he said he didn’t take great pleasure in it.

Hunk handed him a piece that was broken as the universe intended and for a moment Lance just stared at it. It was small enough. He could do it a little bit at a time. He could do this.

He went to bite off a piece. A small piece. It crunched loudly in his mouth as he chewed it. So far so good. He didn’t realize how much he missed chocolate. The taste sparked on his tongue. When he went to swallow, his throat closed up. He was prepared for this. Instead of panicking and coughing everything back up as he had previously, he paused then continued until it was down.

He smiled to himself. Baby steps. The others were smiling too. It was a silent acknowledgement of his progress that wasn’t addressed further.

Lance continued to take small bites, really enjoying it now that he knew his stomach wouldn’t send it back up. The rest of the night was as normal as normal could be. Nathan didn’t cross his mind once after that. Listening to the sound of his friend’s joking and laughter blend with the sound of the beach put him at peace. No one woke him when he fell asleep to the lull of it and thankfully, neither Pidge nor Hunk said anything about the small smile Keith was trying to suppress when Lance’s head came to rest on Keith’s shoulder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I know the Kit Kat bit is cliche, but I will never get tired of it. It just makes me happy. Anyway till next chapter!


	11. Coconut Paradise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things happen. That's all I'm saying!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SURPRISE! TWO CHAPTERS IN ONE DAY AGAIN! This one is a little longer than the previous so hopefully this one is juicy enough to hold you all over until the next time I can post. Hope you like it! :)

Lance was disappointed to find that ‘Operation SMASH and GRAB’ did not turn out to be the clean getaway from Nathan that he hoped it would be. Despite being broken up and back to living full-time in his own apartment, he still saw Nathan frustratingly often. They still had classes together and though his friends made sure to sit close and send nasty looks Nathan’s way, Lance still felt like the air was charged with electricity when he was around. They also saw to it that Nathan never had the opportunity to find Lance alone, but that somehow made him feel worse. It was like they knew he couldn’t fend for himself if he needed to. It made him feel weak. And the constant attention addressing the whole Nathan situation made it so Lance could never truly put it out of his mind. He just wanted it to be over. He just wanted to move on.

And even though they never had overlapping shifts at Vrepit Sal’s, Lance could still feel Nathan’s presence looming over him. Now he knew Nathan had friends there who apparently watched him and reported back to Nathan with everything he did and everyone he talked to. He wanted to say it was paranoia that made him uneasy whenever he was there, but he could never shake the feeling of being watched. During his break he inspected everyone around him- his manager, his coworkers, even the customers, but he couldn’t imagine any of them being a ‘spy’ for Nathan. He felt he was being ridiculous, but decided it was better to be cautious than disregard this as pure paranoia. After all there had been someone at least once that had been watching him and look what came of that.

Overall he was just exhausted with everything and the fact that everyone knew he was still struggling with this made him even more so. The only one who treated him as they had before the Nathan situation was Keith. Where everyone else treated him like a glass figurine, Keith was still rough around the edges and not afraid to give Lance a run for his money; they still bickered just as often as they had previous to all of this. Lance would have guessed that Keith’s lack of a change in attitude toward him was due to his inability to read certain social situations, but in this case he knew Keith was more intimately familiar with what Lance was going through than anyone else in the group. He got the sense that Keith knew exactly what he was doing and Lance was grateful for it.

Because of this, Lance ended up spending more and more time with Keith. There was a comfortable easiness between them that contrasted so greatly with everything else that was going on that Lance craved having time alone with Keith. He craved the normalcy of their interactions; the natural ebb and flow of it was comforting. He craved being held by Keith too, because those were some of the few moments when he truly felt safe- that he could forget all about Nathan and just focus on the reassuring hold around him. Sometimes he would fake falling asleep just so he could stay there longer. Thinking Lance was unaware, Keith would slowly thread his fingers through his hair and that felt amazing! A few times when Keith did that, Lance really did fall asleep.

But the more time they spent together, the more Lance noticed something off about him. He was still awkward, and moody, and overall prickly, but there would be times in the middle of some argument or another when Keith would look like he was holding something back. At first he thought that this must be Keith’s way of being delicate with him just as the others were, but after some time he decided it was something else, though he couldn’t guess what. He couldn’t even really point out specifically what it was about Keith that made him think something was off in the first place; he just knew there was.

He began testing the waters when they were together, constantly trying to find out when Keith would give off such a vibe. He began to notice the way Keith would be about to say something, but then he’d swallow his words- his face flushed and he would shut down. At first he thought this was because of their arguments- that he was getting flustered and annoyed. After all, the reactions looked about the same as they always did, but sometimes the flush would be there at odd times when they hadn’t said anything at all, just peacefully going about their work.

Lance thought about it a lot more than was probably necessary. In fact he probably thought about Keith in general more than was normal or necessary. It was strange. Things between them hadn’t vastly changed, yet he knew that some very important element of it had shifted. Part of it he could attribute to the fact that he had seen a softer side to Keith that he’d never been allowed to see before. And maybe another part of it was Lance’s appreciation of Keith’s unchanged attitude towards him, but that wasn’t all of it either.

That didn’t explain why Lance felt warmer when he was close to him, despite Keith’s relative lack of body heat. It also didn’t explain why Lance thought about him almost all the time. It was like his brain had assigned mullet, indigo eyes, dark hair, etc. as the default to all of his thoughts. If he wasn’t thinking about classes, he was thinking about what Keith was probably doing. If it wasn’t about texting his momma, it was about texting Keith. And then he’d be back to thinking about those weird moments Keith would have when they were together. Maybe he was reading too much into it, but it almost seemed like it wasn’t the arguments that got Keith flustered, but…Lance himself? He wasn’t sure, but was it bad that he almost hoped it was true?

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The whole gang was over at Hunk and Lance’s apartment for another study session. Even if they had some classes that differed from the others, these sessions helped them all focus in a way that being in the library for some reason never really allowed. But the night was drawing late and slowly everyone began trickling out until only Keith, Hunk, and Lance remained.

Keith felt a bit like he was overstaying his welcome and that he too should leave, but he kept hesitating. Despite the relatively stress free environment of the day, Lance looked tired and sad. Keith was dying to hold Lance again. He wanted to make it better. But Hunk was here. He was Lance’s best friend. If there was any comforting that needed done, Hunk could do it. Lance didn’t need him anymore. 

He had just mounted his bike and was getting ready to leave when he got a text from Hunk.

Hunk: Lance wants to know if you’ll stay.

Keith looked back at the apartment and could see through the window Lance trying to physically climb Hunk to get his phone. Keith paused before replying.

Keith: Does he actually want me to?

Hunk read the text with his arm extended out of Lance’s reach. He looked like he was reading out to Lance. There was a pause, then Lance slowly shimmied back down to his feet and looked out the window at Keith. He nodded, looking embarrassed.

Keith smiled and made his way back inside.

They continued their homework late into the night and into the wee hours of the morning, but once Hunk fell asleep in the living room, they provided him with a large pile blankets and pillows before retreating to Lance’s room so as not to wake him up with any excessive noise they were making. Keith quietly wished they were coming here to make a very different kind of noise.

Right now they were doing their very best to procrastinate on their homework (Or at least Lance was. Keith, being Keith, was trudging through it all so he could just get it done and out of the way, though he still found the mental capacity to argue with Lance in the meantime.) The current topic up for debate were the characters of Fantastic Four.

“Hunk would definitely be The Thing,” Lance said while bouncing his leg and chewing on the end of his eraser. “And I would be Johnny.”

“Why would you be Johnny,” Keith finally looked up from his Astrology book.

“Cause I’m the flirty one of the group! Duh!”

“You couldn’t be Johnny because you’d have to be the Elastic Man,” Keith nearly swallowed his tongue as soon as the words were out of his mouth. He wanted to melt into a puddle when Lance’s face broke into a huge smirk.

“Oh, so you think I’m flexible? You think I’m…bendy,” he emphasized the last bit by grabbing his ankle and easily pulling it up above his head. Keith nearly had a stroke there in Lance’s room. Lance’s smile was nothing short of devilish.

Lance’s foot went back to bouncing on the floor and Keith thought he had just skinned by when Lance continued with even more glee in his voice.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right. You’d have to be Johnny since he’s such a hot head… and a hot bod.”

Keith’s face was suddenly so hot his ears were ringing. Was Lance calling him hot?!

Keith went to focus on his textbook to hide the heat in his face, but he was probably too close to the pages to decipher the words or diagrams; he wasn’t sure because honestly he wasn’t even bothering to try.

“And Allura would be the Invisible Woman cause that would mean I’m dating her,” Lance went on as though he hadn’t noticed Keith’s red face. Keith wasn’t sure if he was just ignoring it or if he really hadn’t noticed. He also had to shake himself of the ridiculous feeling of envy at the thought of Allura dating Lance. This whole scenario was a hypothetical; Allura never showed any interest towards Lance’s obnoxious advances. But since this was all hypothetical anyway, he indulged in the idea of himself and Lance being together instead.

He didn’t even notice that he wasn’t listening as much as Lance went on to assign different Marvel and DC heroes (and a few villains) to everyone else in their gang. He was lost in a fantasy of what it would be like to kiss Lance- of what Lance’s flexibility would be like if put to naughty uses. He abruptly stopped himself. ‘Not now gay thoughts.’

Lance did notice the change in Keith and this right here was exactly what he was talking about! Keith was suddenly reserved and now he even looked guilty. But there was no reason for it! None that he could see anyway. Well there was one explanation, but it couldn’t apply to Keith! There’s no way Keith could possibly…

“Hey Keith?”

Keith was drawn from his guilt induced pity party to find Lance’s intense gaze on him. He felt as though Lance had somehow seen the x- rated fantasy his mind had conjured up and he swallowed around a thick lump of guilt and fear that was now stuck in his throat.

Lance was better at reading others than he was. It wouldn’t be impossible for him to find out about his feelings on his own and the moment he did he knew Lance would hate him. He would think he was taking advantage of him, manipulating their friendship into something sexual and possessive. It made Keith feel dirty- like he was no better than Nathan. He couldn’t bring himself to speak beyond that lump in his throat, a heavy pressure crushing his chest.

“Are you okay?” 

Keith couldn’t answer. He tried, but he was afraid to say or do anything that would shatter the moment and bring their friendship to its inevitable close.

Lance could see Keith’s fear. He didn’t like seeing it. Keith never let anyone see his fear as naked as it was now. Lance wanted to reassure him that it was okay. He didn’t need to be afraid, because…maybe they were wanting the same thing?

He wasn’t initially aware of himself leaning in until he noticed how close Keith was- their noses almost touching. Keith’s eyes were half closed, his cheeks blushed pink. He was barely breathing, in fact he was holding very still. Keith carefully looked up and met Lance’s gaze and Lance didn’t miss the quick glance down at his lips then back. He looked like he was asking permission. If he wasn’t so scared to move, Keith might have lost his will to restrain himself then and there. But he held himself back, biting his lip from the effort.

That’s when Lance closed the space between them.

Their lips met tentatively. Keith could taste Lance’s Coconut Paradise Chap Stick. The kiss was soft and hesitant, with Keith still holding very still. Until suddenly he couldn’t hold back. His hands came up to either side of Lance’s head, fingers combing through his hair as he threw himself into the kiss. No longer was it shy or timid, but full of every ounce of love Keith had harbored for Lance for so long. It was rough and passionate.

But as much as he wanted this- God he wanted this so bad- he pulled away, closing his eyes tight so he couldn’t see whatever expression was on Lance’s face.

“Wait,” it came out sounding more like a sob.

“Oh God, you didn’t, you don’t- I’m so sorry Keith! I thought-,”Lance was horrified. Why would he even do such a thing? Why did he think kissing Keith was even an option? He felt sick.

Keith looked at Lance, still holding his head and he saw the panic in Lance’s eyes.

“No- don’t, Lance I want to kiss you! I just don’t think- I mean,” his stupid inability to form the right words was coming to haunt him again.

“You want to kiss me?”

“So much,” Keith poured every bit of sincerity he could into that statement.

“Then why,” But Lance already knew why. He wasn’t all that great of relationship material before Nathan. And after? Now he came with a whole airport’s worth of baggage and on top of that he was damaged goods. Of course Keith wouldn’t want Nathan’s sloppy seconds. He said none of these things aloud though. He didn’t want Keith to look at him with the same pity the others did. He just wanted to leave. But Keith’s hands slid down until they were holding Lance’s carefully and he was reluctant to pull away.

Keith took a moment to organize his thoughts. He wanted to make sure this came out right.

“I just think that…it’s too soon. I-I don’t want to jump into anything you’re not ready for,” Keith wasn’t sure if even that was exactly what he wanted to say, but it at least looked like Lance was listening. “I- I think you need to take some time for yourself…to heal.” Not his bruises. Those had been gone for some time now. So were Keith’s.

But Lance was still not back to his old self. No one expected him to be so quickly, but it felt wrong to Keith to start something romantic- is that where this going? - before Lance even had time to take a breath. “I’ll be here for you anyway you need me to be, but…,” God this hurt so bad, “not like that. Not till you’re ready.” 

The thought of having to go on as he had was overwhelming, but he couldn’t hold Lance accountable for all that time. He wasn’t even sure if Lance KNEW about all that time. And it was only fair to leave him in the dark about it. If they did end up starting something intimate, he wanted it to be because that’s what Lance wanted, not because he felt obligated.

Lance knew he was right. He wasn’t sure he had the energy in him to start something new. He wanted to be ready, but he knew he wasn’t.

So he nodded, “O-okay.”

“Okay,” Keith couldn’t stifle the stupid grin on his face. He had been so afraid of what Lance would say or think of him if Keith ever slipped up and outed himself and his feeling. 

The possibility that Lance would not only feel something romantic towards HIM, but INITIATE it had never even crossed his mind. However long Lance needed and whatever he may need from him in the meantime would be worth the wait if it meant he even got to kiss Lance like they just had, uninterrupted.

Lance let Keith release one of his hands so he could go back to tracing the lines of his textbook one-handed. Keith only continued with his homework because he needed a distraction. If not, his mind would lose out to his heart and he would be back to kissing Lance all over again and Holy Hell did he want to.

Lance would have felt rejected completely if it weren’t for that one hand holding reassuringly onto his. It insisted that the shift in his and Keith’s relationship had not all been in his head and that he wasn’t the only one who wanted to see it through.

Instead of the air between them feeling awkward, it felt like a sigh of relief. Like the elephant in the room was finally gone and now they could just breathe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure if I'm completely confident in this chapter, but I've written and rewritten it I don't even know how many times so I just posting it anyway. I hope things aren't happening too fast for anyone.


	12. Stubborn Stars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steps forward and steps back for Lance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Late Christmas everyone! I hope you all had a great holiday! Also, just in case you forgot, Henry was Keith's almost adopted brother who passed away. Anyway here's another chapter. Hope you like it! :)

As time went by, Lance realized just how right Keith was about taking time for himself. He pulled up all the snap chats he’d watched at work the night Nathan assaulted him and made a goal for himself. He knew he wasn’t the same Lance as he was then, but he wanted to at least be that happy again- that sure of himself. Maybe that was setting the bar too high for himself, but at this point he didn’t really care. If he tried for a goal so high then maybe he’d still get somewhere if he failed. 

So he started by cutting out as many of the toxic things in his life as possible. He got his number changed so he could use his phone again, only after Hunk had gone through and deleted every message and phone call from Nathan so he wouldn’t have to see them.

Vrepit Sal’s carried nothing, but negativity and uneasiness for him (plus they treated him like crap anyway), so he quit. Shay was sad to see him go, but encouraged him wholeheartedly. He did need money though, so he ended up getting a job at a family-run craft store not far from campus where he hosted craft events for kids. They loved his goofiness and though they were a little much at times, he really loved seeing the looks of accomplishment when they finished their creations. Working with them reminded him a bit of his siblings and yes, at times that did make him a bit homesick, but it also warmed his heart to see their joy and be a part of their mischief (it usually ended with him covered in lots and lots of glue and glitter.)

On one particular weekend, he and Blue made the trip home to see his family. He had made sure to finish at least most of his homework and studying during the week so he could really enjoy being home. He pulled in on his dead end street and was immediately swarmed by his siblings and neighborhood kids who waved and ran alongside Blue until he was parked. He had barely pulled his keys from the ignition before the door was open and Mateo, his youngest brother, was scrambling into his lap and hugging him tightly round the neck.

Lance let his brother hang there as he stepped out of Blue.

“Lance! Did you see my tooth? Look it’s gone!” Mateo gaped his maw open so Lance could see the gap where his tooth used to be.

“Oh my gosh! You must have gotten an extra shiny quarter for that one!”

“I got four of um’,” Mateo’s voice squeaked excitedly and he finally let go of Lance’s neck, instead taking his hand and dragging him into the mass of waiting kids.

He was answering their questions and giving them all hugs when he saw his momma walking down the driveway, a huge grin on her face. He stood up straight so he could give her a proper hug.

“Mi Niño, we missed you,” she squeezed him tight and he closed his eyes, taking in her warmth and love. She seemed smaller than she had when he last saw her.

“I missed you too momma,” he finally pulled away. “I missed all of you,” he tasseled Mateo’s hair and he laughed. His momma ushered him inside with the kids following close behind. 

His house was not big, it was not rich- looking, but it was always warm and green and it made him feel like a kid again. This was where he had lost all of HIS teeth (He had stayed up once to catch the tooth fairy. When he realized that it had been his momma the whole time, he promised not to tell his siblings.) This was where his papa had built the tree house that had been their fort, their pirate ship, and their space station growing up. This was where every one of his siblings had a doorway in which they were measured throughout the years. There were family pictures hung on every wall, the fridge covered in drawings and awards and always packed full of homemade food because his momma would be damned if even one of her kids went hungry. As he hung his jacket on the rack by the door, he was overwhelmed by the happiness of being here. It felt good to be home.

“So why didn’t you bring that boy with you Conejito? I want to meet him!”

Lance had prepared for this. He decided that he would not go into details, but he would not lie. He couldn’t lie to his momma.

“We’re not together anymore,” he said simply, sitting in his old chair round the dining room table, the kids having started a game of tag throughout the house. He thought that the answer was covert enough, but his momma paused in her task of chopping veggies for dinner later. She turned to him with a sad look in her eyes. He tried not to give anything away as he met her gaze, but she put the knife down and leaned over him, giving him a softer hug- a mother’s hug.

“Did he hurt you,” she whispered.

He couldn’t lie. “Yes,” he suddenly had tears running down his face and he could do nothing to hide them when she pulled away just enough to wipe them with the pads of her thumbs.

“Then to HELL with him,” she said with conviction. The venom in her voice actually made him smile. She kissed him lightly on the head before returning to her chopping, Lance grabbing a knife before joining her. Thankfully they were having chili for dinner. Lance was sure he could eat it with no problem.

The house was loud with kids playing and his momma’s singing which he joined in. Their voices grew until they were yelling the song more than singing it. Lance even threw in some dancing here and there. Just like that, all the aching in his bones from being away for so long was gone. It was as if no time had passed at all. He missed this so much.

His Papá was surprised, but happy to see him when he got home from work. He was a tall, solid man with a gruff face that looked mean if you didn’t know him. He pulled Lance into a bone-crushing hug and asked him about school, was he keeping up with his grades, about his friends… momma must have said something to him because he never asked about Nathan.

When they sat down for dinner, the chaos that it was, Lance was able to appreciate this time he had with them. It wasn’t often he got to come home, but home was home. It was always there waiting for him when he did.

When it was time to drive back to the Garrison, he didn’t want to leave. The time he spent here suddenly wasn’t enough. He knew it was hard for his momma too. Both of Lance’s older siblings, Adrianna and Miguel were married and with their own families. With Lance gone, that left his parents with just his three younger siblings, all twelve and younger. The house was never quiet by any means, but it did seem quieter with the oldest kids out of the house.

He knew they all missed him when he was gone. He missed them too. The ache in his bones was back before he’d even made it off the street, the same entourage of waving kids that escorted him in now escorting him out and his parents waving goodbye from the driveway.

He wanted to cry. It was always painful to leave them. He thought that with time it would get easier, but if anything it seemed to get harder. He wished he had been there when Mateo lost his tooth, and when Gabby got into momma’s make-up and made herself look like a clown trying to put it on, and when Anthony scored a goal at his soccer match. He felt guilty for missing these things and sad that he would miss more. Blue saw to it that he got back to his apartment safely while Lance’s heart warred with itself. He knew that going to school was the right thing, he needed his education, but sometimes being away for so long just plain sucked.

Overall though, going home for a bit had been good for him. Though his homesickness didn’t go away (it never went away) he felt better having seen and been a part of his family again. He could still feel warmth on his head where his momma had kissed him.

He busied himself with classes and made extra efforts to hang out with his friends, who were now finally beginning to go back to treating him like normal. He was starting to find his happiness again.

Only for it to come crashing down on him. He had finally got himself to a point where he was able to eat again- REALLY EAT- when all of his progress went right down the toilet with his food. Why did this have to be so hard? It seemed so long ago now that the lasagna had been forced down his throat. Why couldn’t he move past this? Suddenly he was back to square one and out of the energy he needed to try to gain back all that ground. He sat on the cold tile of the bathroom, grateful that Hunk wasn’t here to see his relapse. His breath was shaky. He shivered from the cold sweat that made his shirt cling uncomfortably to his skin.

And like this was the lid to the box that held all his insecurities and doubts, suddenly he was flooded with the useless, pathetic feelings he had right after realizing how horrible Nathan really was and how stupid he was for not seeing it. And those feelings joined with those he’s had before Nathan was even around and together they grew and festered. At least before all this, he could be pathetic privately, but now it was so very public. All of his friends knew about it. He hated what they must think of him now. The feelings were heavy and all- consuming, whispering ugly thoughts into his ears and crushing him beneath their weight, filling his lungs with water.

He was so overwhelmed by it that before he knew it, his breath was coming too fast, his chest aching with the effort to keep up. His fingers trembled as he pulled out his phone and dialed the number of the one person he thought of that he wanted to see right now. Keith picked up on the first ring.

“Lance?”

He just sobbed into the phone. He couldn’t bring himself to talk.

“Shit Lance what happened,” he could hear Keith grabbing his keys. “Are you at your apartment?”

It’s a good thing he was because Lance didn’t have the energy to tell him if he wasn’t.

“I’m on my way okay? I’ll be there as soon as I can,” Keith hung up his phone so he could run out to the dorm parking lot, drive his motorcycle out to Lance’s apartment (probably faster than he should have been going), and parking it in what was barely considered a legal spot before running up the steps to the door. Lance was in his arms before he’d even raised his hand to knock. 

Keith hugged him to his chest and tried to say something reassuring, but he couldn’t seem to find the right words and they were lost in Lance’s sobbing anyway.

Okay, Plan B. Through the open door of the apartment, Keith could see Lance’s keys sitting on a little entryway table. He grabbed them, locked the front door, and ushered Lance down the steps and into Blue’s passenger seat. Lance let him guide him into the seat and buckle him in before burying his head in his hands to muffle his cries.

Keith wasted no time jumping in the driver’s seat. As they drove, he noticed a weird squeaking noise. It almost seemed like Blue was whining with worry for Lance. When they reached their destination, Keith rushed to get Lance out of the car and down the slope from the parking lot to the sands of the beach.

It was dark and although the months had been getting warmer, the salty breeze was brisk. Despite this, Keith threw off his jacket and sat them in the sand near a small outcrop to shield them from some of the chilly air.

Lance was still crying and breathing too fast. His face was red and eyes swollen.

“Lance look at me,” he said but Lance wasn’t listening. He was in a full blown panic attack, scratching at his throat from lack of air entering his lungs. Keith grabbed his hands, and forced them into the sand below them. 

“Lance, come on listen,” now he was looking at him. “Describe the sand Lance!”

Lance made a face, the sand slipping through his fingers, “Why…,”

“Just trust me okay? Do it!”

Lance looked down at the sand, kneading it in his fingers with tears streaming hot down his face.

“I- it’s f-fine and, and soft,” The sand was gone and now Keith was pushing the fabric of his abandoned jacket into Lance’s hand. “Now this, what does it feel like?”

“Warm,” Keith didn’t have much body heat, but he had some and he could still feel it on the jacket. “L- Leathery.”

Keith was crouched in front of him. “What do you hear?”

That’s when Lance first noticed his surroundings. “Are we at the beach?”

“Yes, but describe what you hear.”

“I hear,” Lance closed his eyes, and took in a gulp of air, “The w-waves and, and your breathing,” he sniffed loudly. “I hear cars,” he pointed behind them toward the parking lot and road. It was late, but there were still cars driving by occasionally.

Keith grabbed his hands again and forcing one to his own chest and the other to Keith’s. He could feel Keith’s heartbeat through his shirt. It was steady and calming. His own heart was still beating fast. He copied Keith’s slow breathing until his heart was calm too, keeping slow rhythm with Keith’s.

The rush of panic subsided, and then gave way to the constant sounds of the waves until slowly it was gone. He calmed enough to notice Keith’s eyes on him, his dark hair tussled from the breeze. Keith settled more into the sand and looked closer at him.

“Are- are you okay?”

“How did you do that,” Lance whispered, focusing on keeping his breathing calm.

Keith threw his jacket around Lance’s shoulders. “It’s grounding techniques Henry used to do with me when I had nightmares about my dad,” Keith said hugging Lance close to him. “He used to carry around a bunch of mints too for me to suck if I got really bad. The taste helped.” Keith still kept some in his own pocket, more out of his memory than actually needing them. He hadn't needed one in a long time. He didn’t think a mint would help Lance like it helped him though.

Lance couldn’t help but smile at the idea of Henry carrying mints around just to help Keith. He never met Henry, but he thought he would have liked him.  
Now that Lance was calm, Keith wished he had thought to grab him his jacket before bringing him out here. Lance was shivering. Now that he thought about it, he was pretty cold too.

“I have a blanket in the trunk,” Lance said, pushing his keys into Keith’s hand. “And check the glove compartment,” he didn’t have the energy to tell him what for, but he’d know once he looked.

“Will you be okay if I go?”

Lance nodded, looking out at the dark waves, lit only by moonlight. They were slow and churning. He’d be okay as long as he watched them.

Keith made his way quickly back to Blue, who he had made sure to park somewhere close and well lit. He grabbed the fluffy blanket from the trunk then checked the glove compartment where he found a baggy of trail mix. Trust Lance to pack snacks away like a squirrel. After making sure to lock Blue, he ran back to the outcrop where Lance waited. He tried not to be too touched by the image of Lance wearing his jacket. It didn’t work.

He draped the blanket around their shoulders and it cut out the cold air, trapping in their warmth. It didn’t take long for Lance to stop shivering. Keith tried not to lean into Lance.  
It seemed like too intimate a thing to do right now (not till Lance was ready), but he was just so warm. He suppressed a shiver, but Lance leaned into him, sharing his warmth. Keith blushed, but stayed quiet.

The only sound between them for a while was the water and the breeze, but after a moment Lance whispered, “Why am I like this?”

Keith peeked over at Lance who was staring sadly at a peanut from the trail mix he couldn’t bring himself to eat, despite being hungry.

Keith sighed, “Because, it’s not just the physical stuff that gets you.”

Lance furrowed his brow. “What do you mean?”

“Well, it’s the mental stuff too. That’s the stuff that sticks with you,” Keith glared at the peanut like it was its fault Lance couldn’t eat it. “It’s all the times you stay quiet when you wanted to speak because you knew they’d get mad, or all the millions of times you don’t even know why you’re apologizing for nothing, or when things that shouldn’t be hard become hard because of something they did or said,” Keith was kind of mumbling this to himself, but Lance could still hear.

Lance had never thought about that before. When he thought about Nathan, he only thought of the physical things Nathan had done to him. But that’s not all he had done, was it?  
Because Keith was right. There had been countless times that he’d held his tongue on a joke or a pun because Nathan didn’t like them. He’d thought they were childish. And after a while in the relationship he’d had to apologize for everything from getting too enthusiastic when playing his video games because he was being too loud to wearing his face mask in front of Nathan because ‘it made him look ridiculous.’ He remembered all the little things Nathan would say that made him feel like crap. But he’d never said anything because he didn’t want to get him mad. ‘You’re such a fucking klutz, you’re so fucking loud, you sound like an idiot, you’re so fucking stupid.’ There had been so many times that Nathan would just casually say something derogatory to him and he had to act like it didn’t hurt to hear it.

And then there was his phone. Texting or calling ANYONE had become so hard later in their relationship because Nathan wanted to know who he was talking to, why are you talking to them, you shouldn’t be talking to them. The monitoring had gotten so bad that Lance had to find a new lab partner for his Bio class because Nathan was convinced that Lance was cheating on him. When he texted certain people he found himself deleting the messages later because even though they were completely innocent conversations, he knew that Nathan would find a reason to make a big deal about them and he didn’t want to fight about it. He didn’t even know why he felt guilty about hiding them in the first place.

He thought about all the times he’d stayed home from hanging out with the gang because Nathan didn’t want him to go, all the times he’d had to recount second for second his day (now he thought maybe Nathan did that to try to catch him in a lie since someone else had apparently been spying on him), all the times he’d been afraid to even look up while they walked together because Nathan would think he was making eye contact, and therefore flirting with someone else. He thought of all the little things that on their own seemed insignificant, but together were overall condescending, disregarding, and disheartening and how in the moment Lance hadn’t seen it as anything wrong, but as ways he needed to improve himself. He wasn’t good enough. He needed to be better.

Maybe things had been crappy with Nathan much longer than he’d thought. It just seemed so obvious now. And then there was this. The ugly festering pit of thoughts that curled in his chest. Nathan hadn’t put that there, it had been around much longer than that. But Nathan had definitely added to it and twisted into a whole new, much more terrible monster. One that faced him down not only every morning before he got up the courage to face the day and every night before he went to sleep, but now it faced him down too every time he tried to eat. And right now it was winning.

He stared at the peanut. It was winning and so was Nathan. He hated it. Well if he couldn’t beat it with determination alone, than he’d do it out of spite because fuck Nathan and his stupid monster. Lance was better and stronger and greater than both of them ever were. He popped peanut in his mouth and chewed it a little aggressively, but when he swallowed it, it stayed down.

He felt a bit dumb for having retrace the ‘baby steps’ he’d already once accomplished, but if this is what he had to do to get past this, then he’d do it, again. He ate the trail mix until it was gone, lost in his thoughts. As soon as it was gone he felt bad for not thinking to offer some to Keith, but Keith was lost in his own thoughts.

They stayed there wrapped in the blanket staring out at the water until the early morning darkness melted away, the sun creeping up somewhere to their backs and a few stubborn stars refusing to leave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Conejito, the term Lance’s momma calls him, means Little Bunny and is commonly used as a term of endearment for one who are fast-paced. I'll try to get another chapter up soon! Till then *finger guns*


	13. What Needs Done

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance takes steps toward his better well-being.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy crap this chapter is short, but I thought it was important to let it stand alone. Hope you like it! :D

It was a slow process of building back his confidence and beating back his demons. Keith helped him when things got to be too much, which was more often than he cared to admit. But he was finding himself again. There was one step he felt he needed to take though before he felt he could really be okay again.

So when his only class of the day let out, he lingered pretending he was wanting to ask a question of the professor. His friends, who were no longer babysitting him as they had been, left him alone and once they were gone he rushed to the on-campus café and grill where he knew he’d find Nathan.

He was sitting in his usual chair by the window laughing with a group of Seniors. Lance felt a chill run over his skin when Nathan’s eyes found him and a sneer crossed his face.

“I want to talk to you,” Lance said. He’d thought about this for some time and now that he was here, he was determined to get it out.

“What no back-up? You finally grow a pair,” Nathan asked, his grin still firmly in place.

“Now Nathan,” Lance put extra conviction in his voice.

Nathan rolled his eyes, but stood and followed Lance to a quieter part of the café.

As soon as they were reasonably away for the conversation to be private, Lance turned back toward Nathan to find him thoroughly in his space, not at all shy about eyeing him up and down. Lance took a step back, his lip wrinkled. He knew how this conversation would likely go, and so far Nathan was on-script.

“So wha’d you wanna talk about Babe?”

‘Don’t call me that,’ he thought, but otherwise ignored it. “I wanted to let you know that I’m done letting what you did to me control everything I do.”

Nathan scoffed and smiled his perfect smile, but somehow Lance didn’t think it made him look handsome anymore. “I know my friends beat the shit out of you. They didn’t tell me, but I know them and I know they did.”

His smile slipped just a bit.

“I don’t totally agree with everything they did, but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to fight back either.”

“Of course you won’t. You’re my passive little slut,” Nathan was leaning into his space again.

“I’m sorry did you forget that I punched you in your slimy face as hard as I could?”

Nathan's smile cracked the tiniest bit and Lance was satisfied to see it disappear altogether at his next words. “I just thought it would be fair that you hear it from me. So, I went ahead with the charges against you. I wasn’t sure I wanted to before, but I am now. I’m not going to let you do what you did and not face whatever consequences there are to follow.”

Now Nathan looked pissed. He poked his finger hard into Lance’s chest. A while ago that might have scared him, but he knew this is how he’d react. He steeled himself for it.

“You listen here you little Shit,” Nathan hissed. Lance didn’t even flinch. “You think you’re clever or something for pulling some chicken shit move like that? First you send your little friends and now you go behind my back with this?”

“I have a right to charge you for what you did.”

“Bitch, I didn’t even get to finish,” Nathan’s hand came around and grabbed his ass. Lance clamped down on the tendons in Nathan’s wrist until he cringed away looking even angrier.

“And that’s enough of that,” Lance released Nathan wrist. “I just wanted to let you know. Now, this conversation is over.” He walked away before Nathan could even recover his voice.

Nathan didn’t follow him. Now he was a bit shaky. He was a bit nervous about it now that it was out there, but he knew that he’d feel uneasy after that conversation so he planned to have a relaxed rest of the day. It was a bit of a drive (he didn’t mind some one on one with Blue), but he had his membership card, which he intended to use often. He used the rest of the day to take to a trip out to the aquarium.

Of course he thought it would be fun to come out with his friends, and maybe even bring his siblings along sometime, but today wasn’t about that; it was about him, so he went alone. It was teeming with other guests, though the weekday cut down the numbers quite a bit. He made it just in time to watch the otter feeding and a pretty cool shark demonstration (He loved sharks). He spent a lot of time petting and feeding the bat stingrays. It was one of his favorite things to do here. He also stopped to watch the octopi changing color with the rocks and the sea turtles drift peacefully by. 

Once he’d gone to all the exhibits at least twice, he found a comfy spot in front of the Open Sea Tank where the bigger fish and a decently larger hammerhead shark were housed. He popped in his music and continued watching the peaceful view. He followed the long, swooping motions of the shark and the quick pulsing of the fish to make a path for him. The lighting cast watery sunrays over him. He felt himself disappear into the quiet of it. A feeling of peace overcame him. It was one he hadn’t felt in a long while so he took it in, letting it wash over him entirely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More soon!


	14. Stains

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith ruined Hunk's good towel. :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To make up for the super short chapter I just posted. I know this one's short too, but still. <3

Keith was a nervous fucking wreck. There was no calming his nerves. Lance had just texted him that he wanted to meet up today for lunch. He tried not to get too excited. It had only been a month since they’d decided to give Lance time to heal. He couldn’t expect Lance to be ready yet, especially with the setbacks he’d had. Keith was doing his best to help him through it, while keeping his feelings in check. 

He was going to let Lance dictate if or when things went anywhere with them. And he didn’t want to assume that Lance was texting him for that reason. There was a private part of him that hoped for it every time Lance texted or called. He knew Lance needed him and he wanted to be there for him, but that didn’t stop his stupid little heart from jumping into his throat with excitement whenever Lance did contact him at all.

He sat at the outdoor tables the Garrison had set up near one of the lakes. It was a nice backdrop of greens and blues and Keith suddenly wished he was dressed more nicely. He was wearing just a plain grey t-shirt and some comfy jeans with his old combat boots. He was picking restlessly at his fingerless gloves when Lance walked up carrying a large bag of food from the grill for them to share.

They had pasta platters and garlic knots stuffed with cheese. Lance had been working hard to be able to eat again. Hunk helped him with it mostly. It seemed he was still a bit hesitant at times, but otherwise okay.

Keith was glad for the time spent with Lance. They spent plenty of time together, but Keith could never get enough of it. They were sitting side by side under a shady tree looking out over the glittering waters. It was a peaceful spot.

“So…,” Lance was suddenly facing him straight on and Keith went back to picking at his gloves. “I kind of have a surprise for you?”

“You got me something,” Keith scolded himself for the stupid way his voice cracked. Legit, could his heart take a chill pill?

“Well actually it’s kind of for me, but it’s a surprise for you,” Lance said awkwardly.

Keith couldn’t stop his treacherous mind from immediately going to kinky places. He swallowed hard, his hands sweating more.

But his jaw dropped open stupidly when Lance pulled from his bag a familiar whale shark plushy. He stared. How on Earth had he forgotten about Poseidon? 

Lance had been a bit lazy, living out of the boxes in his room instead of putting them away, but he decided they took up too much room.

“I was putting some stuff away, and I found him…. Along with these?” Lance pulled out some dried up old flowers that may have once been the roses he’d had dyed the color of the Bi flag. He noticed that Poseidon had a colored stain on his fin where the dye bled out. His fingers found the stain. He hadn’t wanted to tell Lance how far back this crush of his went, but this sort of gave him away a bit.

“You also got one of Hunk’s good towels. It’s okay though, I think he forgives you,” Lance chuckled quietly.

Keith took a while to find his voice. “I –I was going to give them to you…to ask you on a…date.” And now he was blushing hard.

“Well,” Lance took the fingers on Poseidon’s fin in his hand and blushed too, “This is me….saying yes.”

Keith stared. He would think this was another fantasy his mind dreamed up, but Lance was smiling at him, his eyes betraying his nervousness. Keith smiled back, a genuine smile and suddenly he was laughing.

“Really? Are you serious?”

Lance nodded. Keith threw himself at Lance for a hug that Lance returned. He couldn’t contain the joy that burst from his heart.

The day he’d planned to give Lance Poseidon and the roses, he’d left heartbroken. He’d forgotten all about Poseidon hidden away. He’d never thought about him again. He was, in a way, grateful that he’d left so upset because this moment was amazing.

He pulled back enough to look Lance in the eyes and take his jaw in his hand. He guided Lance closer and this time Keith was the one kissing Lance. Lance’s lips was warm and soft. It was slow and sweet and Keith felt light headed. They were both smiling into the kiss and their lips parted with a quiet sound that made them both blush.

Keith’s heart was floating on a cloud. This felt so right. It was perfect. Lance was perfect, smiling and glowing in the light reflected from the lake. He looked so perfect that Keith was suddenly kissing him again and again. This was so much better than anything he could have dreamed up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that happened! :O


	15. Challenge the Thunder

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith and Lance go on their first date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A longer chapter for you guys! Hope you like it!

Keith had been staring at his closet for at least an hour. He had never hated his clothes. They were simple, comfortable, and all he ever needed, but right now he hated all of them. His date with Lance was tonight and he had nothing in his closet that seemed good enough for the occasion. He was so frustrated that he was tempted to just go naked; Lance wouldn’t mind right?

He huffed to himself and gave up, resorting to the only backup plan he had. He texted Shiro.

He showed up at the dorm so fast Keith almost suspected that he’d been expecting and not so patiently waiting for Keith’s text.

“You got here fast,” Keith said letting him in.

“I was nearby,” Shiro replied simply, avoiding Keith’s eyes. “So what’s the holdup?”

“All of my clothes are shit Shiro. I can’t wear them on our date!”  
Shiro went down the hall and to Keith’s open closet where he began digging around, pulling things out and replacing them. 

“You’re probably just overthinking it,” Shiro’s voice was muffled a bit as he leaned in to dig through the plastic drawers that were a bit lost in the back behind his pants before moving on to the pile of shirts on the floor. Keith hadn’t been very vigilant about putting them back on their hangers after dubbing them trash. “You’re psyching yourself out too. Try to relax.”

But Keith wasn’t listening. He was too anxious. It seemed ridiculous to be this nervous, but he could do nothing to stop it. He wanted to think of this date as the start of the relationship he’d always dreamed of having with Lance, but he’d had a nightmare that planted the seed of doubt in which this date made Lance realize that Keith was not what he was looking for, and that was the end of that. After everything, Keith didn’t think his heart could take it if that happened. He scrubbed his gloved hands along his face, trying to dislodge the thought, but it stayed firmly and agonizingly in place.

The only thing that finally snapped him out of it was the sudden smack of heavy cloth into his head. Keith looked down at the jeans, now in his lap, and began to doubt Shiro’s advice.

“No,” he said holding up the jeans to inspect. His nose wrinkled in distaste. “I am definitely not wearing these.”

“Why not?”

“They’re from like, sophomore year high school! I haven’t worn them since before I even had a phone!”

“You mean your Dino Phone?”

“There was nothing wrong with having a Nokia!”

“Just trust me, they’ll look great on you,” Shiro grinned. “Besides, we gotta get you into a color other than black.” The jeans Shiro was pushing for were a very dark blue (only because Keith hadn’t worn them much).

“What’s wrong with black? Black is a great color!”  
Shiro creatively avoided the question by presenting Keith with a pair of short combat boots he found crammed in the corner of the closet. 

“These are the only black I will allow,” he eyed Keith’s gloves.

Keith followed his gaze and gasped hiding his hands under his legs. “Oh no. No, the gloves are staying!”

“Come on Keith, lets shake it up a bit,” Shiro whined.

“You are fired as my stylist! Get out,” Keith pointed to the door, but Shiro was raising his hands in surrender. “Okay, fine, fine! Okay, how about this: You keep the gloves, if you wear the jeans.”

Keith pouted for a moment, looking between the gloves and the jeans before crossing his arms stubbornly across his chest. “Fine.”

Shiro smiled and went back to digging in the shirt pile. Keith still had some time before he needed to start getting ready, but he was so anxious he decided to go ahead and start now. While Shiro went on looking for a shirt, Keith shed his beloved black jeggings and pulled on the pair Shiro picked out. He’d forgotten he even had these folded up in one of his drawers. They felt foreign and they fit weird. 

“Ummm…. Are you sure these aren’t too tight?”

Shiro glanced up at him and grinned. “Nope! They fit great.”

Keith tried to turn to see how the back looked (he never bothered to get a mirror for his room).

“No, I’m pretty sure these are too tight,” he tried to adjust the waistline to fit more comfortably, but it did nothing.

“Trust me they fit just right, now put these on,” Shiro said handing him a maroon shirt and a nice charcoal grey jacket.

“Where did you get this from,” he asked, looking critically at the jacket. “This isn’t mine.”

“It is now,” Shiro said looking far too satisfied with himself.

“Did you buy this,” for some reason the thought seemed weird bordering on creepy.

Shiro nodded and grinned wider. “I’ve been waiting to dress you since your emo phase turned out to not be a phase.”

“Oh now you’re definitely fired,” Keith growled. He didn’t want to admit it, but he actually did like the jacket. It was simply, sleek, and once he had it on over the shirt Shiro picked out, he found it to be pretty comfortable. He even discovered a pocket on the inside where he quickly stashed some mints.

Overall the outfit wasn’t bad, though he was still certain that the jeans fit too snug. Shiro was all out smiling by now. Keith scowled back at him. Shiro was having far too much fun, he decided. But before he was done playing dress- up, Shiro insisted on pulling his hair back into a low ponytail. Keith would have objected if his nerves weren’t flaring up again.

They passed the rest of the time with Keith pacing back and forth and Shiro giving him a much needed pep talk. Keith admittedly only processed about half of what was being said, but somehow it still helped him. Shiro gave him a ride over to Lance’s apartment so that his outfit wouldn’t get wet; it had been raining on and off for the past week or so. 

Just before he made his way to the steps of the apartment, Shiro gave him some parting encouraging words and a black umbrella for Keith to take. Keith was so anxious that he didn’t think to even open it as he took quickly to the steps of the apartment. Luckily the rain was just slowing to a light drizzle and he arrived at the door with some dark water freckles on his new jacket, but otherwise dry. He took a shaky breath before knocking and then he waited.

And waited. He rocked on his heels in anticipation for the door to open, but it didn’t. He thought he saw someone peek out the window, but no one came outside. His heart was racing again and along came thoughts of his recent nightmare. He had worried that Lance would decide Keith wasn’t his type and move on, but what if Lance changed had his mind and he didn’t want to go on the date at all?

He suddenly wished Shiro hadn’t left already. He was plotting a quick escape to go somewhere quiet so he could deal with the rejection privately, when the door suddenly opened and there stood Lance looking flustered. Keith gaped at how gorgeous he was. Though the sky was grey with storm clouds, it seemed Lance should have his own permanent spotlight of sun.

“Hey,” Lance said. He flashed a nervous smile before closing the door behind him. “You ready to go?”  
Keith swallowed his awe and nodded before remembering the umbrella. He opened it and together they made their way down the steps and out to where Blue was parked. Fitting them both under the umbrella put them very close to one another and Keith blushed at the warmth of having Lance so near. He decided in that moment that rain was the best weather he could have wished for.

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Lance had trouble deciding what he wanted to wear; not because his clothes were looking subpar, but because he looked good in pretty much everything. How was he supposed to decide what to wear if nothing was standing out any more than anything else?

He had started getting ready hours before Keith would be there. He needed the extra time to make sure he was looking his best. He took a long shower, coming out smelling faintly of his favorite fruity body wash. He put on an exfoliating face mask and let it set while looking through his closet. By the time he went to wash the mask off, he’d picked out four different outfits he knew he looked great in, none of which he could decide between.

So he put it off while he went to blow dry and style his hair until it was light and fluffy. He decided that today was a special occasion that warranted a little something extra so when he applied his usual chap stick, he also applied a bit of mascara to the blonde tips of his lashes. The effect made his lashes look longer and really made his eyes pop.

And now he was back to staring at his four choices wondering if it would be easier to just close his eyes and pick one blind. Finally he decided to go with the one that accented his eyes the most: a pair of whitewash skinny jeans and a light blue sweater that made his eyes look bluer.

Once he was done getting ready he sat on the couch with Hunk, using ping pong paddles to toss a balloon back and forth while he rambled about how excited he was. Hunk smiled and listened, occasionally adding something to Lance’s ramblings when he took a breath.

When there came a knock on the door, Lance sprang from the couch, the balloon floating forgotten to the floor. Hunk followed him into the entryway where Lance was taking a quick peek out the window.

Lance was quick to close the curtains. “Oh my God Hunk!”

“What,” the alarm in his voice matching Lance’s.

“He’s hot! I can’t go out there!”

“Oh Lance, I thought something happened,” Hunk relaxed.

“Something did happen! I saw him and he’s hot!”

Hunk went and peeked out the window too. “Mmmm… he looks about the same to me.”

When he turned back around Lance was headed down the hallway.

“Hey, where you going? Aren’t you gonna let him in?”

“I have to fix my hair really quick,” called Lance from the bathroom.

“Oh no. You look great and he’s already here,” Hunk hooked Lance’s elbow and led him back down the hall despite Lance’s protests. “Have fun and text me how you’re doing, or actually don’t text me cause that’d be rude. But don’t stay out too late and I want to know everything when you get home, have fun…bye!”  


With that he shoved Lance out the door and went back to the window to watch them leave. He saw Keith’s wide eyes as he stared at Lance, then turn with a shy smile and carry an umbrella to shield them both from the sprinkling rain coming down. He’d be lying if he said he hadn’t hoped they’d get together. After watching Keith try to hide that longing look in his eyes for months, it felt good to see him with a genuine smile on his face.

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The only reason they could afford to go to the roller rink was because being a student at the Garrison gave them a discount of half price on the weekends. They traded their rain-wet shoes for roller skates and it was in this moment that Keith realized that he hadn’t thought this through beyond the fact that Lance would be there, on a date, WITH HIM! So preoccupied with this thought was he that the fact that he would be skating- or rather attempting and probably failing to skate- escaped him completely.

He tried to stall, taking a longer time to tie the laces than he really needed while frantically watching the people skating by to try to pick up pointers, but Lance was already in his skates and looked eager to get out on the rink. So Keith stood, trying not to make it obvious that even on the carpet outside the rink he was struggling to walk. Lance never lost his grace as he stepped out onto the rink. Keith had a death grip on the wall. It seemed like the other skaters were zooming by impossibly fast.

He didn’t want Lance to notice his apprehension so he pushed off the wall (probably with more force than was needed) and tried to keep his skates aligned. But slowly they were moving apart and he was sinking lower. He leaned forward a bit to try to keep his balance while taking steps to narrow the distance between his feet, but overall the motions were clumsy.

Lance glided up beside him.

“Hey, you okay?”

Keith watched Lance’s feet and tried to copy the smooth strides he was taking.

“Y-yeah I’m great,” his voice wasn’t at all convincing. Lance pushed ahead a bit and turned, keeping pace with Keith backwards.

“Ooooh,” a Cheshire cat grin spread happily on his gorgeous lips, “You don’t know how to skate do you?”

“I know how to skate!”

“Rrrrreeaally…,” Now Lance was LITERALLY skating circles around him. Keith tried to watch how he was doing it, but it kind of made him dizzy and he almost fell. He caught his balance at the last minute and went back to coasting for a second, training his eyes determinedly ahead and not toward the wall where he was tempted to go. “Because,” Lance continued as he went back to skating backwards. “It seems to me like gravity is not your friend.” 

The snark in his voice made Keith glare, but in doing so he’d lost a bit of his concentration and his feet began to part again. This time he was sinking slowly into what would eventually become a split or a fall, whichever came first. He scrambled to close the distance, but that had him running in place to catch his footing and suddenly Lance was there, solid despite being on wheels, holding him up. He was almost too happy to have been saved from the fall to really appreciate Lance’s closeness, but not quite.

“Do you know how to skate Keith?” His grin was so devilish it was Pidge worthy.

“I can skate,” there was no way it was as hard as he was making it out to be. He could get this and he could skate with as much ease as Lance did if he just had a minute to get the hang of it.

“Oookaaay, I’m letting gooooo,” as soon as Lance’s hold was gone, Keith was back to stuttering his steps. They became more and more frantic so he had to surrender.

“Alright! Alright, I can’t skate,” he was scrambling to keep his balance.

“Say I’m the Ruler of the Roller Rink and MAYBE I’ll help you,” Lance teased.

Keith would have balked at that if gravity was not about to smack him down hard of front of Lance and the six year olds skating easily by.

“You’re the Ruler of the- Shit Lance!” One foot shot out too far, his weight resting on his heel and he was going down. At the last second Lance was there again, and this time they were face to face with Keith in a pose as though Lance had dipped him. Keith blushed and let Lance pull him back up. Lance smiled at him and he couldn’t help but smile bashfully back.

“Did…you just call me Ruler of the Shit?”

“Ummm-,” now Keith was blushing for a whole new reason. Lance laughed and began skating backwards again, this time keeping hold of Keith’s hands and towing him along.

“It’s okay. As the Ruler of the Roller Rink I’ll grant you an official pardon just this once.” One hand released Keith’s and now they skating side by side, joined by just the one hand.

“You can’t do the same motions you do when you walk,” Lance said. “When you step on one foot you have to kind of push off with the other and let the momentum carry you.” He slowed their pace so Keith could watch Lance’s feet demonstrate his instructions.

Keith tried to imitate the motions, but his were short and clumsy. He almost fell again and he frantically aimed himself for the wall, but Lance pulled him back and guided them further from it.

“Oh no,” Lance said. “The wall is a safety net. You’ll never learn if you rely on it being there. You really want to learn to skate, you gotta take away the safety net.”

They continued further toward the middle of the rink with people skating around them like a river around a rock. He was doing better though. Slowly he was beginning to understand the push off thing Lance was talking about. He was by no stretch of the imagination graceful, but he wasn’t having to Flintstone to stay upright. As his strides became longer and less hesitant, Keith started to smile.

“There you go, you’re getting it,” Lance was grinning at him. “And pretty soon,” Lance’s hand was suddenly gone and he went back to coasting, “You’ll be as good as me!” Lance skated backwards and launched into leap that got air and showed off his flexibility, landing it with ease. In an effort to show off a bit to Keith he then went into some quick spins and turns, all done with the grace of an Olympic figure skater.

Keith watched as if transfixed, until his foot caught on the other and he nearly launched himself head over heels in the not lovey- dovey way, but again Lance caught and pulled him back up, guiding their movements until Keith was balanced again. “But maybe not yet.”

Lance stayed with Keith until he was finding the motions on his own. His steps were longer and smoother and he was gaining confidence. Lance let him go, but kept pace with him, giving encouragements until Keith hit his stride, feeling very sure of himself. He launched into motion letting the momentum carry him until he was zooming by just as fast and then faster than all the other skaters that had been zooming by earlier. Lance, having not anticipated the sudden burst of speed, scrambled to catch up, enjoying the view and appreciating the snugness of Keith’s jeans.

Keith leaned into his stride, going as fast as he could go before he realized the curve of the wall was coming up fast and he didn’t think he had enough room to turn in time.

“Wait Lance,” he yelled, not even sure if Lance was still with him. “How do I stop?!”

He tried to shorten his steps but that did nothing and suddenly he was folded over the top of the wall.

Lance pulled up beside him worried that he’d hurt himself. “Oh my gosh Keith! Are you okay?”

Keith turned to him with a huge grin and his cheeks flushed from adrenaline.

Keith was suddenly smiling wide and then laughing. It was a wholehearted sound that Lance wasn’t used to hearing and soon he was laughing too.

“I take it you thought that was fun?”

“Hell yeah, that was great,” Keith’s blood was buzzing from the rush.

“So you want to keep going?”

“You bet I do,” Keith was itching to go that fast again.

They discovered that Keith was only a decently good skater when skating fast (which he loved to do despite the fact that he didn’t really understand Lance’s explanation of how to stop or turn with any amount of success.) When he tried skated at a slower leisurely pace, he was just about as clumsy and fawnish as he was in the start. So they spent the rest of their time on the rink racing each other from one side to the other, crashing into the (thankfully padded) walls and making fools of themselves.

All of the apprehension Keith had when putting his skates on was gone and forgotten by the time they traded them back in for their shoes. Once they were done tying off their laces, they went to order food than sat at a two- seater table overlooking the rink where the other skaters continued round and round.

Keith was still a bit giddy from racing around the rink and had a giant grin on his face as he ate his half of the asada fries they were sharing.

“So how long have you liked me,” Lance asked. He’d been wondering.

Keith chewed slower and when he swallowed, he said quietly, “A while.”

He didn’t want Lance to know how long this went back. It brought into light how much longer Keith had been invested in this and he was afraid to acknowledge it himself, much less scare Lance away with it.

“You were going to ask me out at my Bi party,” Lance didn’t know how long previous to that point Keith had liked him, but he sort of sensed that it had been a while.

“I planned to, but…,” Keith shifted in his seat a bit.

“I’m sorry…you know, about that,” Lance said. “I know that the way things played out that day must have, sucked, for you.”

“To put it mildly,” Keith muttered.

“I went through with the charges against Nathan,” Lance said. Keith looked up at him surprised. “The police department is sending him a citation and summons for arraignment. I’ll have to go to the courthouse and see him.” It was not something he was looking forward to.

“I’ll go with you,” Keith moved his hand over Lance’s for reassurance, but felt he’d overstepped his bounds and pulled it away. Lance smiled and took Keith’s hand in his, holding it across the table.

“I just hope this doesn’t drag out too much,” Lance said. “I just want things with Nathan to be over.”

There was a short pause in which Keith tried to memorize every plane of Lance’s hand. His skin was soft and warm. His knuckles jutted out from his tan skin and he had a light freckle on his pinky finger.

“If you hadn’t already gotten with Nathan,” Keith wasn’t sure if he really wanted to know, but he had to ask, “Would you have said yes? When, when I asked you?”

Lance didn’t answer at first. He met Keith’s nervous gaze thinking, then answered carefully, “I think you would have surprised me…because, I had never thought of you that way before,” he didn’t miss the subtle flinch of Keith’s fingers. “But, yeah. I think I would have.”

That brought Keith’s smile back and Lance was glad to see it. He wanted to make sure it stayed. So he squeezed Keith’s hand and steered the conversation onward. Soon were laughing over stories of Lance’s childhood: of when he broke his arm trying to climb the tree in the yard before his papa built the tree house, and when he got stuck on top of his cousin Louisa’s car because a neighbor’s dog got out and chased him. They talked about the time one of the other kids in a home Keith was placed in had challenged him to drink Tapatio and damn if he hadn’t done it (and quickly reaped the consequences), but he hadn’t regretted it because he’d won the bet.

They exchanged horror stories of embarrassing moments. Lance had once tried to show off to some girls at a pool party and lost his swim shorts in the dive. One of the girls he had had a crush on at the time. He tried to get the shorts back, but they got sucked into a filter and he hadn’t been able to get them out so he had to run the block home naked. 

Keith told Lance about his first kiss with a girl from middle school. They didn’t particularly like each other, but they’d kissed anyway; or at least tried to. When they leaned in for the big moment they’d smacked heads pretty hard. When they tried again they clashed teeth. Overall the whole attempt was abandoned because it had been so botched and then the girl had gone around school telling everyone what a bad kisser he was. He told Lance about the time, also in middle school, when Keith had been doing a presentation and halfway through had puked his guts out on teacher’s shoes. It hadn’t been pretty, but the ordeal didn’t end up affecting his presentation score.

They ended up staying until the roller rink closed. It was pouring rain outside, but the weather put no damper on their mood. Their laughter challenged the thunder. Huddled under the umbrella, they walked leisurely out to where Blue waited for them. They stopped at McDonalds to buy ice cream and McNuggets and shivered while they ate them in the parking lot with Blue’s heater on and the rain tap dancing on the roof.

When Lance dropped Keith off at the dorms, he walked him to his door, giddy from what a great time he’d had. They were holding hands, the rain a quiet witness to the warm kiss they shared before parting. Keith let Lance take the umbrella. He could get it back to Shiro another time.

When Lance got back to his apartment, dry and floating on a cloud, Hunk was there waiting for him. He listened to Lance recount every amazing detail of their date. It took several hours because there was hardly a detail Lance could find that hadn’t been perfect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys are enjoying this so far! :)


	16. Waiting for the End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance and Keith fluff and angst.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short one for you, but here you go.

Keith didn’t get a wink of sleep that night. His mind kept replaying images of their date: Lance catching him every time he fell and teaching him to skate, the thrill of racing across the rink with Lance hot on his heels, Lance holding his hand across the table, his laugh, his smile. He didn’t think he stopped grinning all night.

But by morning he was chiding himself. One date didn’t mean this was a sure thing. It had gone great and he was positive that Lance thought so too, but this was all still very new and at any point Lance could change his mind. He wanted to shower Lance in affection to show him how much he was loved, but he also didn’t want to crush Lance beneath the weight of it. Last night was a start. But he needed to take this slow for Lance’s sake.

So they were back to baby steps, although each one made Keith’s pulse race. They held hands when walking to class, Lance took to giving Keith random kisses on the forehead (“Because you’re the perfect height for it!”), and they continued having lunch at the lake-side tables.

Keith enjoyed watching Lance creep up on the Garrison’s new troop of fluffy golden ducklings with their dark stripes trying to get pictures of and with them before momma duck decided Lance was too damn close and chased him away with a flurry of flying feathers and a trumpeting proclaim of her displeasure.

Lance was acting like he’d been rejected by a saint.

“She has to know I would never hurt them,” he said, sulking over what remained of his burrito bowl. He’d practically wolfed it down so he’d have plenty of time for the ducky photo shoot.

“How’s she supposed to know that? You’re huge compared to her babies,” Keith said picking at his burrito with a plastic fork.

“You’re huge!”

“I am,” Keith agreed, meaning that he too was large compared to the baby ducks, but as soon as it was out of his mouth, he heard the sexual connotation to it and his face was aflame.

Lance was pretty red too, but his coloring was due to his attempts to hold back a burst of laughter, which came out anyway.

“Oh my God Keith,” he said through his gasping breaths, “I had no idea you were funny!”

“I’m funny!”

“Your mullet is funny lookin’, but- what are you doing,” Lance dramatically leaned down to watch Keith dissect his burrito with the fork at eye level.

“Are you eating a burrito with a fork?”

“Yyyeeeeeah,” Keith braced himself for whatever mockery was coming.

“Why?”

“Because I like to eat the tortilla first and then the insides,” Keith said slowly.

Lance made a face, “That is obscene. Why not just get a burrito bowl?”

“Because I want the tortilla too.”

“So eat it like a normal human being!”

“I can’t. This is my process,” Keith changed tactics. “Besides not everyone has to eat the way you do!”

“Keith, I swear, you are the weirdest eater I have ever seen,” Lance watched between his fingers as Keith pulled a piece of the tortilla free and ate it as the burrito’s insides came tumbling out like some grotesque zombie movie.

“There is nothing weird about the way I eat,” Keith said, going in the tear off another piece.

“Oh really, because literally everyone knows that there is a right way and a wrong way to eat a Kit- Kat and you, Sir, do it wrong.”

“You’re such a control freak!”

“Nope, I’m just sane,” Lance sat across from him with his chin resting on his laced hands and batting his lashes innocently.

Keith was determined to win this round so he took a cheap shot with the sole intent of shutting Lance up, “Actually you’re insanely gorgeous.”

Lance blushed, his grin not quite so cocky from the unexpected compliment, but he had no snappy come back ready to go and Keith continued dissecting his burrito with victory.

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Their next big date was probably one they couldn’t afford to go on time-wise since classes were getting pretty intense in preparation for exams, but Lance had had enough studying and he wanted to spend some one on one with Keith. Sitting together in class and having lunch on the days their schedules lined up to do it wasn’t enough for him.

So he somewhat, kinda, sorta, not really, but still, kidnapped Keith from his dorm one weekend and may have given the impression that they were going on a mini adventure to the store for study snacks. Keith picked up on the fact that something was hinky when for no apparent reason, they were suddenly on the freeway heading north and far away from the Garrison.

“Um, where are we going,” Keith asked, watching the scenery speed by.

“To the happiest place on earth,” said Lance changing lanes to make the next junction. “Or, well, the second happiest place on Earth. The unofficial one?”

Keith stared, his eyebrow disappearing into his dark bangs.

When they pulled into the parking lot of the aquarium, Keith looked even more confused and a bit uneasy.

“Lance, we can’t afford to come here. Tickets are like sixty dollars each.”

“Yeah, but I have a membership so I get in free aaaaand tickets are half price for one guest of mine per month.”

“That’s still a lot,” Keith said quietly. He knew Lance needed the money to pay his way through school, but Lance didn’t mind. He’d been setting aside bits of his paychecks to use for things to keep him sane: the occasional snack-a-thon, a nice pair of jeans he found at some outlet store, and of course date money.

Lance paid Keith’s way at the window where they got their wrists stamped with crabs that glowed under the black light of the clerk and went inside where it became apparent to Keith that Lance came often enough to not only know his way around the whole place (which was by no means small), but also knew the names of every otter, turtle, and penguin, as well as ‘fun fishy facts’ which he spouted at nearly every tank they walked past. Lance was like a proud parent showing off his babies.

The place was pretty crowded since it was the weekend, but they took their time visiting each exhibit. They spent even longer walking through the long hallway devoted entirely to different species of jelly fish. Keith wasn’t sure why he liked them so much, but their deadliness alongside their beauty fascinated him.

When they got to the ‘Dark Room’ Keith could have had actual hearts for eyes. The room was for exhibits displaying deep sea fish; fish with strange eyes, see-through bodies, alien appendages, glowing and flashing illuminations along their scales, long lethal looking teeth like bony, white fingers laced haphazardly together. Lance always visited this room when he came, but never lingered as much as Keith wanted to.

“Just think what these things mean for the rest of the world,” Keith said, gawking at a spiny looking fish with huge green eyes and fins as long as its body fanned out wide and feeling lightly along the dark sand.

“What do you mean,” asked Lance, amused at Keith’s love for these alien fishes.

“Well, at one point people would have thought there was no way creatures like these even existed,” Keith said watching the fish tap the fins ominously into the sand. “Even right in front of your face you’d hardly believe these things, but they exist.”

“Oh no, this isn’t going to turn into another ‘Moth Man is Real’ speech is it?”

Keith turned to him with all the seriousness of death. “Moth Man is real Lance, the evidence is out there. But not just him. Sasquatch, Loch Ness, Ningen, chupacabras even aliens Lance- you can deny them all you want, but one of these days they’ll be right in front of your face and you’ll still hardly believe it.”

Lance had to get Keith out of there before he decided to try and pet one of the Anglerfish like it was a little puppy. They sat in nearly the same place Lance had the last time he was here, watching the dark silhouettes of kids against the blue of the gigantic tank as the Hammerhead made his rounds through the hordes of schooling fish. There were giant sea turtles lazily gliding by and two new Mako Sharks, both rather small, darting past the awed kids.

Holding hands with Keith, Lance once again found peace in watching the animals. He was oblivious to the quiet worry and sadness growing in Keith’s chest.

It was already almost to the end of March. Classes would be over in May. Keith was staying for Summer Session; he wanted to get some of his harder classes out of the way, but he was sure Lance would be going home for the summer. With so little time to establish the relationship they had now, what if that time apart undid it all? He didn’t like to think that something like that could actually happen, but he had to be realistic about this. Life had taught him that it’s better to accept ugly truths than pretty lies. And what he had with Lance was the prettiest, sweetest of lies.

He wanted to savor the time he had with Lance now, just in case this ended up being all he had. He would memorize every moment they had together so he could have them to hold onto when it was over. What would they go back to? Would they continue to be friends or would things be weird between them now?

He knew he was more invested in this than Lance was; his crush (that really he could no longer call a crush) had started out long before Lance had any sort of romantic feelings towards him and because of that, he had a whole hell of a lot more to lose. He tried to find the tranquility that Lance had, but the dread and anguish for the future just turned his mood as blue as the tank before them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am Keith when it comes to the Dark Room fish. I love them! <3


	17. The Monster's Mask

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The arraignment is here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a double post to make up for the short chapters. Hope everyone's having a great New Year so far! :)

As with every semester, finals week brought about a haze of barely controlled panic through the lenses of little to no sleep, lack of food, foggy brains (seriously, where did an entire semester of information go when the big exams came around), and not enough time to do anything. It was a blur of textbooks, energy drinks/ coffee, reading and rereading notes, flash cards, mental breakdowns, the occasional declaration that stripping is a perfectly acceptable backup plan, and more textbooks.

Because of all the craziness, Lance and Keith hadn’t been able to go on another official, or even unofficial kidnapping type of date. Their sleep deprived flirting and bickering as well as power naps in each other’s arms were the only times they really had to themselves. Lunch dates by the lake no longer counted because they spent less time eating and conversing and more time quizzing each other on concepts and terminology they knew would likely show up on Coran’s final.

Once it was all over, the brain numbness that came with studying so much lifted and, after long naps to gain back some resemblance to the living, they all met up at Lance and Hunk’s apartment to hang out and pig out. Soon those who weren’t staying for Summer Session would be moving their things back home and until the next semester began, they might not be seeing much of each other, so they wanted to get in as much chill time as possible before then.

However there was also an unspoken reason for the get- together; one that they all understood and took very seriously. And that was keeping Lance distracted and in as good a mood as he could be in because the arraignment date was coming up, which meant Lance would have to go and stand in county court before a judge, with Nathan mere feet away.

While everyone else was able to relax now that finals were over, Lance was still tense. It was worse than for finals alone because at least for those he could study, take them, and be done with it. There was nothing really to fear from them the way there was for the court date. He thought he was finally getting past having any fear towards Nathan, but it was the cockroach you thought dead, squashed beneath your shoe, only to for it start scurrying around again and again.

He imagined the look of anger on Nathan’s face when he told him he’d gone through with the charges and his mind would supply the image of those same cold, angry eyes, blood dripping into them just before taking Lance hard into the floor. And the fear was alive, scurrying about in his stomach and throat. He tried to mask it with jokes (most self- deprecating) and redirection toward other normal topics, and while everyone went along with it, the act he was putting on was fooling no one. But today’s get- together seemed to be helping. Either that or Lance’s act was finally convincing because the stiff set of his shoulders eased away and his smile was actually reaching his eyes, his humor based more in the moment rather than forced and at his own expense.

But the best indication that Lance was actually relaxed followed a slip of the tongue from Shiro. Hunk came around asking what they thought of the recipes he’d tried out; he wasn’t sure how well his execution of them had been, to which Shiro replied, “Everything’s awesome.”

Everyone groaned and from the next room over, came Lance’s high pitched singing, “Everything is awesome!”

“Lance, stop singing that terrible song,” Pidge called, her tone dangerous.

Lance danced into the room, a jar of spinach dip in his hand, “Everything is cool when you’re part of a team!”

“Lance!”

“EVERYTHING IS AWESOME…,”

“I WILL PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK WITH A CACTUS!”

“When you’re livin’ your dream,” he turned tail and bolted out of there as Pidge raced after him, intent on twisting his bendy ass into an oversized pretzel.

Every worry anyone had for Lance vanished for the night. Everything seemed back to normal. And of course they all enjoyed the photo Pidge group texted them of Lance in the bathroom mirror wearing hello kitty boxers and trying to pop a giant volcano zit (taken back in high school) in retaliation for singing ‘The Song from Hell’ as well as throwing dip in her hair and on her glasses in attempts to escape.

Over the course of the next couple days, people started clearing out. Pidge and Matt were all packed up and headed home, Matt excited and Pidge dreading the family road trip they’d be taking across several states to see extended family. Allura was going on a summer- long internship as a student researcher with Coran and a group of Bio-conservationists to study the living habits and conditions of Yelmores?- whatever those were. Shiro was going home too, but promised to come visit Keith every once in a while. Keith was glad to be staying. The Shiroganes treated him like family- he loved and missed them, but he thought it would be nice for Shiro to spend some alone time with his parents.

Hunk was staying to take some culinary extracurriculars as well as a few other classes at the Garrison. It was really a good thing he was staying too because he was going to act as a witness in court on Lance’s behalf if he needed to, but more so because now that the arraignment was here, Keith was having a hard time comforting Lance on his own.

For all their effort to distract him before everyone filed out, Lance’s nerves were back and mounting. He hardly ate or sat still and he’d have to get the bags under his eyes checked at an airport if they got any bigger. Lance was almost tempted to just drop the charges so he wouldn’t have to deal with it, but he genuinely thought that this would help him put thoughts of Nathan to rest and he could finally move on. He was determined to follow this through.

Keith, who was no longer hesitant to initiate small gestures of physical contact (with Lance), took Lance’s hand as they waited in the seating area of the courthouse for the case to be called. Nathan was already there, sitting comfortably in the chair directly across the room from Lance, never taking his eyes off of him. Keith and Hunk glared him down, but 

Lance never looked up from the pattern of cobalt tile on the floor. His knee wouldn’t stop bouncing. He’d tried to get it to stop but couldn’t, and in the corner of his vision he could see the man in his spiffy security uniform shifting tensely from foot to foot keeping a close eye on them.

He knew Nathan was watching him too. He could feel the heat of his eyes heavy on his head and shoulders. It made it a bit hard to breathe. Keith’s thumb was rubbing circles over his knuckles and he tried to convince himself that it was helping, but he was more aware of Keith and Hunk’s rigidity than he was of Keith’s attempts to calm his nerves.

When they were finally called, they were taken into a tiny courtroom. There were short aisles of mostly empty seats on either side of the path they took to the podiums where they were separated: Lance, Hunk and Keith to the left and Nathan to the right. Lance noticed Nathan had someone with him, a young man with sandy curls rivaling even Nathan’s and wide innocent eyes that were glancing over at Lance like he was an eclipse- too bright to look at but too intriguing not to try.

Before he could think much on it, the stern looking judge was through with the formalities of calling the case to order and the young man as well as Keith and Hunk took seats beside their parties, leaving Lance, Nathan, and the bailiff the only ones standing.

“Mr. Wright, you are the defendant in this case facing charges of assault, both domestic and sexual in nature,” the judge said. His voice was as serious as his expression and Lance involuntarily stood a bit straighter. “Are you aware of your rights and the penalties for such charges?”

Nathan flashed that handsome smile of his, but he held an air of politeness rather than the cocky attitude Lance was expecting. “Yes, Your Honor,” he said with a small bow of his head and Lance wanted to burst from the level of false respect he was spewing. “I may plead guilty and accept the sentencing you give or not guilty and request trial. I can ask for a lawyer and penalties range from fines to jail time depending on how the proceedings go and what I am ultimately charged with,” he recited. Lance was feeling a little sick.

The judge however seemed impressed. “You’ve obviously done you research young man,” he said fixing his sharp eyes on Nathan.

“I’m studying at the Garrison to be a lawyer, Sir. I just applied for an internship at a law firm upstate. My interview is in a month,” Nathan said, exuding charm and formality at a level Lance had never seen before. “That’s also where I plan to get my Masters.”

“A man with ambition,” the judge said. “Very impressive.”

Now Lance was angry. “Excuse me Sir, but this is the man that assaulted me! He’s not some remarkable prodigy, he’s violent and manipulative-,”

Those sharp eyes snapped to Lance and he nearly squeaked.

“Mr. McClain you will not speak out of turn in my court room.”

“Y-yes Sir,” Lance said, his palms sweating. He could feel anger radiating like steam off of Keith, who sat in the chair directly to his left. Keith made a sound like he wanted to say something, but held it back.

The judge’s eyes flicked to Keith and lingered a moment before moving to the papers he had before him.

“Since you are well versed in your rights, charges, and potential penalties, Mr. Wright, we’ll move right along. How do you plead?”

“Guilty, Your Honor,” Nathan said without hesitation and Lance was so shocked he actually looked over at Nathan, trying to figure out what game he was playing. That was not the answer Lance had been expecting.

Neither had the judge apparently. He peered up from his papers with a raised salt and pepper brow.

“To both charges,” Nathan clarified.

Lance was stunned. His jaw hung open and he almost wanted to stop the proceedings so he could figure out what Nathan was trying to pull. This was too out of character. Something was wrong.

“Well that does make things easier doesn’t it,” said the judge looking over the charges.

“If I may Sir, I would like to negotiate a plea agreement,” said Nathan, again giving a small bow of the head.

The judge nodded. “Based on the charges here, I think a hefty fine is in order as well as some time doing community service,” he said and Lance was sputtering, but Keith beat him to it.

“Wait a minute,” Keith was on his feet, leaning over the small table before his and Hunk’s seats. “He just plead guilty to a charge of sexual assault; that’s felony assault! That alone should mean jail time!”

“Young man, sit down and refrain from speaking,” the judge said with a look of intimidation that would have melted Lance into the floor.

But Keith met his fiery gaze with one of his own. “So you’re going to do nothing? He just gets away with it?!”

“Are you a witness in this case?”

“No, but-,”

“Then you have no place in this conversation.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?”

“Mr. McClain, it seems to me you have a liking for men with tempers. Perhaps you need to reevaluate your priorities, or I’m likely to see you here again,” he said glaring at Keith.

“YOU FUCKING BASTARD! YOU’RE ACTING LIKE THAT DOUCHE BAG IS THE INNOCENT ONE! LANCE DIDN’T DO ANYTHING-,”

“Bailiff, get him out of my court room,” the judge said in an uninterested tone. The bailiff came forward and escorted a furious Keith back up the path to the door.

“And make sure to have a security guard on him,” said the judge before they were gone. “I don’t want him walking around the courthouse unattended.”

“YOU’RE JUST LIKE HIM; YOU’RE A BULLY! YOU FIND A POSITION OF POWER AND EXPLOIT IT,” Keith yelled out the door.

The courtroom was very quiet after his voice faded out. Hunk moved into Keith’s vacated seat and put a reassuring hand on Lance’s back, who was obviously getting more and more distressed.

“Are you going to be a problem as well,” the judge asked Hunk.

“No, Sir,” said Hunk, though he was clearly angry as well.

“Good, then let us continue. Mr. Wright, this is your first offense, but let it be known that consequences will increase if future offenses arise. I am going to have you pay a monetary fine of one thousand dollars to be paid in installments that you can iron out at a later date. You will do eight months of community service and in addition, I am prescribing to you rehabilitative courses. You will be required to attend mandatory anger management courses for the next year and this offense will go on your record as a misdemeanor. Am I understood?”

“Yes, Sir,” Nathan said.

Lance listened to all of this with a weight of helplessness settling in his chest. He made one last attempt.

“Your Honor, this may be his first offense, but wouldn’t it deter future offenses more if the consequences were more severe,” Lance felt tears building up and fought not to let them fall. He didn’t want to say this with Nathan in the room, much less the random strangers taking notes in the back of the room, but he felt it needed to be said. It was almost as though the details had been lost. “He hurt me. A lot. He tried to rape me.”

The judge’s eyes softened and he motioned for the bailiff, who had since returned, to take Lance a tissue. Lance took it, but didn’t use it.

The serious tone the judge had previously was replaced with a gentler one, “I’m sorry for what you went through, Mr. McClain. You are lucky to have liberated yourself from the situation when you did and I can appreciate the courage it took to come here today,” he said. Lance’s heart became heavier with each word. “But I am not in the habit of sending an aspiring young man behind bars for a single mistake, especially one so willing to own up to that mistake,” he finished with that same soft tone, and finally the tears were falling.  
Lance hung his head to hide them, but it was a secret to no one.

Whatever else was said was lost to Lance. He was no longer listening to a thing being said and when they were escorted from the courtroom to sign papers, Lance did so numbly.  
Hunk put one arm around Lance and left the courthouse. They found Keith angrily pacing the parking lot with a security guard watching his every move. All the rage in his face and shoulders evaporated when he turned to see Lance, his head down and tears running down his face, and the unused tissue still clutched in his fist. His breathing was becoming irregular. Keith rushed to him and ushered him into Blue’s backseat, following him in while Hunk drove them back to their apartment. As soon as they were pulling out of the courthouse parking lot, the dams broke and the numbness gave way to helplessness. 

The scene to follow was a hot mixture of fury and tears.

“WHAT THE HELL WAS THE POINT OF THAT,” Lance was yelling between labored breaths, his face red, eyes swollen, and hot tears streaming steadily down. “I WAS BETTER OFF- LEAVING IT AT YOU GUYS BEATING THE- THE SHIT OUT OF HIM! AT LEAST THAT DID SOMETHING! I THOUGHT THIS WOULD PUT HIM AWAY. M-MAYBE NOT FOR A LONG TIME, BUT LONG ENOUGH TO KEEP HIM FROM DOING THAT WITH SOMEONE ELSE! WHAT IS HE GOING TO LEARN FROM ANY OF THAT- BULLSHIT? HE GOT A SLAP ON THE FUCKING WRIST!”

Keith sat in Lance’s desk chair and Hunk on Lance’s bed, as Lance stormed back and forth. Keith thought he should say something, but had no idea what and Hunk knew to let Lance yell it out. He had every right to be angry and if he needed to yell then Hunk wasn’t going to stop him.

Lance got a look of horror on his face. “And he had someone with him. What if they’re together? What he’s abusing him too?” Part of him wanted to say fuck it, the kid was there at a hearing in which Nathan had plead guilty to beating and trying to rape someone. If he didn’t have the sense to leave, then that wasn’t Lance’s problem. But he quickly squashed that idea. It didn’t matter the circumstances; if Nathan was abusing someone else the way he had with Lance before he even realized he was in trouble, then Lance took the responsibility upon himself to make sure he warned them and helped them in any way he could.

The energy seemed to sap from Lance’s body. He sank onto the floor opposite his bed and buried his head between his knees, pulling at his hair with his hands. This was supposed to help. He thought Nathan would plead not guilty, they’d go to trial, and Nathan would be slammed under the flood of evidence they’d worked so hard to collect against him. It finally occurred to him that this was exactly the reason Nathan hadn’t done that. He knew he couldn’t win a trial so he’d plead guilty and got off easy. 

After everything Lance was supposed to feel like at least something good came out of it. But now he just felt defeated, stupid, and used all over again and ten times over. He’d felt that way already in the time immediately following the assault. None of it had gone away since then, but he’d learned to sort of live with it in the background of his thoughts. But he’d had faith that the justice system would fix that. Instead he felt used by Nathan and dismissed by the system.

“It’s not fair,” he whispered as Hunk, now right in front of him, pulled his hands gently out of his hair.

“I know buddy,” Hunk crouched down and hugged Lance close. He didn’t want to think about how similar the position was to that night when Lance collapsed bruised and frantic in their entryway. And just as he had after Lance was sick on himself and the floor, Hunk scooped Lance up as easy as if he weighed nothing. He carried Lance to his bed and motioned for Keith to come over.

He left Lance tucked in the crook of Keith’s arm, still muttering, “It’s not fair,” over and over again. Keith pulled Lance close and held him until the exhaustion dried him out of tears. He stared into the distance with red, swollen eyes wondering why he thought going through with the charges would change anything.

Whatever he wanted to think he’d made of himself since that night, Lance would always be the stupid, naive boy who fell for a monster thinking it was a man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So not long ago, I was one of those 'random people taking notes in the back' and crap like this happened all the time, especially in domestic violence cases. I just couldn't understand it and it made me so mad! So that was one of the major motivations for writing this fic. When people have things to say about abuse, one of the things that comes up a lot is what the law can do for you and how people are stupid for not believing it would do anything, but sometimes the system lets you down and that flaw needs to be acknowledged. Sorry, got carried away there. Rant over. Have a good day or night or whatever time it is when you guys are reading this. :)


	18. Words Can Never Hurt Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith's thoughts following the arraignment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know, I've been gone for a minute and this chapter is so short it's ridiculous! I've been writing chapters still, I swear, but this is the only one that's done. You can all yell at me in the comments and I'm sooooo sorry! Also thank you so much to everybody who's reading and commenting on this! I don't deserve you guys! As soon as I'm done with the next chapter and hopefully the following one too, I can post those for you. Until then, enjoy this pathetic paragraph of a chapter. Sorry.

Keith was glad when Lance finally fell asleep that night. He had cried several more times before he’d finally been tired enough to drift off. He had pressed himself closer to Keith’s throat, cuddling Poseidon to his chest. Keith caught a faint scent of clean linin and roses in the air and blushed a bit when he realized Lance had Poseidon on his bed and probably slept with him.

He hadn’t been there for the end of the trial; he only knew what was said because Lance had mentioned a few things in his rant. But it was enough to get the picture. He’d wanted to gut that judge and Nathan there in the courtroom. He didn’t regret the things he said that got him kicked out other than the fact that it separated him from Lance when he was supposed to be there for him.

But the thing that nagged at his mind over and over was the judge’s words, ‘Mr. McClain, it seems to me you have a liking for men with tempers. Perhaps you need to reevaluate your priorities, or I’m likely to see you here again.’ The implication was plain. It made him sick to his stomach. He would never hurt Lance. He would go to the ends of the universe to protect him.

The conviction of that thought almost gave him the quiet of mind he needed to follow Lance into sleep. But just as his eyes grew heavy and his mind drifted, a voice rang in his head clear as day. It was his father’s voice. It said how much he loved him, that he’d do anything to keep him safe. And look at all the torture and pain he’d put him through after his mother left. He had bruises long since faded. Bones long since healed. Scars as subtle as a spider’s web. Scars as subtle as a fault line, shifted after a bad earthquake. He had memories that wouldn’t leave him. Nightmares that followed him even as he woke and greeted him as he drifted to sleep.

He was wide awake again, heart pounding. He wasn’t his father. He wouldn’t claim to love someone and then turn around and become the source of their suffering. He knew he had a temper and it did lash out at others, sometimes unintentionally. But he would never become a monster like Nathan or like his father.

Keith laid awake all night and into the next day with these thoughts rattling in his head like metal in a garbage disposal. It shredded every last bit of fight he had in him. Maybe instead of waiting for Lance to inevitably end things, he should just let Lance go now. He knew he wasn’t good for Lance and that he’d be happier with someone else. But he just couldn’t bear the thought of doing it. Keith knew he could handle the rejection (privately and despairingly, but it could be done), but Lance could not. He would internalize it and twist into some shortcoming on his part and that couldn’t be farther from the truth. Lance wasn’t perfect, but he was as close to it as anything in the universe could be. Keith was the one too dark and messed up to be worth the trouble. Soon Lance would realize that and he could find the love he deserved with someone else.

A wetness in his ear alerted him to the fact that he was now crying. He was glad that years of abuse and sleeping in beds that weren’t his had taught him to cry silently. He’d hate for Lance to wake up and see him like this- crying for selfish reasons when Lance just had the justice system spit in his face. For however long Lance wanted and needed him around, he’d be there. And once that time was up, he would let him go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let the yelling begin.


	19. The Ice Prince

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance goes home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m not quite sure if I really like how this chapter came out, but I can’t keep nitpicking at it or you guys won’t ever get to read it so I hope you like it!

The next few days found Lance packing his things to go home. The torment from the court’s aftermath was still there, but for now it was precariously scabbed over. He needed to hold it together. He would have no ready answer if his momma saw him crying as he had lately without having to explain everything. And he refused to do so. She knew very little of the circumstances of Lance and Nathan’s break up and that was enough. She didn’t need to know more. So while the outcome of his day in court still put a knife in his chest and lump in his throat, he forced himself to lock it away with all the other demons of his he didn’t let anyone else see.

Keith had come around less when Lance started packing and it took a moment for Lance to realize that Keith thought he was leaving for the whole summer. He didn’t miss the happy spark in Keith’s eyes when Lance told him he would be actually be staying for Summer Session. There was a short gap between the end of Spring Semester and the start of Summer Session however and Lance was taking the opportunity to be home for that time.

Lance made the suggestion that Keith come home with him. Keith said no. Absolutely not. He wasn’t good about meeting new people. While he knew quite a bit about Lance’s family- they had been friends for some time after all- the thought of being in a house with them for an extended period of time was intimidating and a bit overwhelming. But Lance had begged him and Keith’s ability to say no to Lance’s puppy dog eyes gave out.

So here they were, pulling up in Lance’s driveway a few hours after dark. They weren’t able to start out the drive as early as they’d hoped and then they’d hit traffic. They were bickering like an old married couple by the time they were setting all of their things down on the couch and floor of the living room before closing the door to the cold night air. Lance had about half of the things he owned stuffed in his duffel bags and large suitcase. Keith had a small duffel bag.

‘You do know we’re going to be there for more than a day,’ Lance had said when Keith put his things in Blue’s back seat. There was no room in the trunk.

‘Well yeah, but I only brought what I need,’ Keith had replied.

‘So did I,’ Lance said in indignation. That started them on the debate of whether or not Lance really needed the tutu he’d worn to Keith’s coming out party. Keith had seen it among the things Lance set aside to be packed.

The hallway light was left on for them and although they were trying be quiet, their entrance did not go unnoticed. Lance’s momma came in, dressed in a night robe and fluffy slippers. She swept Lance in a warm hug, greeting him in hushed tones. Keith stood back, feeling a bit like he was intruding. When her eyes found him in the shadows by the door and she went to hug him too. He was a bit embarrassed when she pulled away and he realized he had leaned into her embrace.

She insisted that they eat something before going to bed. They talked quietly while she warmed them their food.

“I hope you are all taking care of mi niño while he’s at school,” she said while pouring them each a glass of water.

“Yes, ma’am,” Keith said with a polite smile.

“Actually momma,” Lance took the glass she offered, “I wanted to tell you, Keith and I are together now.”

Keith blushed a bit. He knew they’d be telling Lance’s family about their relationship, but he’d hoped it wouldn’t right out the gait and with Lance’s momma’s undivided attention.

She gave them a knowing smirk. Before Keith could process it though Lance exclaimed, “You knew?!”

She swatted his arm with no real malice behind it. “Cállate Conejito,” she hissed. “I don’t want you waking the whole house.”

“You knew,” Lance repeated in a hushed tone.

Her smirk returned. “Do you really think that after more than twenty years of marriage I would not recognize a couple’s squabble?”

Keith blushed again. He wasn’t even sure what they’d been arguing about coming in the door. As quiet as they were trying to be, they had apparently been overheard. He was worried about the kind of impression that would make. He must have made a face because she turned to him with a quiet smile and soft eyes.

“Oh, don’t worry yourself,” she said while setting down their plates of food. “All couples argue. Those who don’t are either too new to have gotten that far or not invested enough to care.”

That’s what she had told Lance whenever she and his papa argued. They never did so in front of the kids, but children are often smarter than their parents give them credit for and Lance always knew. She had told him that their arguments were never something to worry about. It only meant that they cared. It had made sense at the time, and that’s the mentality he’d had when his and Nathan’s fights got bad. It just meant that they both cared. It hurt his heart a bit to discover that his momma was not always right.

She left them to eat. When they were almost done, she came back into view carrying a pile of fresh blankets and a pillow.

“What’s that for,” Lance asked.

She began unfolding the blankets and set the pillow at the head of the couch. “You can sleep in the same bed and do nasty things while you’re at school,” she said and Lance squeaked. Keith’s face was hot. “As long as you’re doing them safely-,”

“Momma!”

“But in this house, under my roof, you will set a good example for your siblings and be good,” she turned toward them with a stern look. “So you will be sleeping on the couch and Keith will have your bed.”

They quickly agreed with steaming hot faces and she kissed them both on the tops of their heads before bidding them goodnight. Keith’s heart stuttered a little as she did. Mrs. Shirogane was a very kindhearted woman, but she gave only very occasional shows of affection through hugs and maybe a quick kiss to the forehead. Keith was not used to the open affection Mrs. McClain gave at nearly every opportunity she had. Again he felt a bit like he was intruding on something that wasn’t his.

He and Lance finished their food and made to head for bed. Keith hesitated at the stairs, his duffle bag over his shoulder. The past few nights had been hard for Lance. He was still struggling and Keith wasn’t sure if he’d be okay tonight. Lance sensed his hesitation and wandered over, making a show of pulling off his shirt before pulling on a sleeping T-shirt with a rocket ship on the chest. He didn’t miss the subtle bob at Keith’s throat as he swallowed, his eyes traveling the bare expanse of skin before it was covered again.

“I’ll be okay,” Lance said, kissing Keith gently in the half-light coming from the hallway. “I’ll know where to find you if I’m not.”  
Keith nodded and started to ascend a step before pausing. “And where is that exactly?”

“Second door on the right,” Lance smiled. “And the bathroom’s straight across.”  
Keith nodded again and made his way upstairs. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight,” Lance waited until he heard his door open then close before turning off the hallway light and plopping on the nest of blankets on the couch. He didn’t fall asleep quickly, but nothing disturbed his sleep once he fell.

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Lance’s momma took a special liking to Keith. She always gave him the last bit of every meal, gave him extra blankets for him to sleep with, took every opportunity to hug him or kiss his hair, and went out of her way to make sure he felt welcome. She did also assign him chores to do along with everyone else in the house, though Lance noticed they were all quick and easy to do.

Today Lance was assigned to dish duty and Keith to trash. Keith went around to all the various trashes around the house, collecting it all in one big bag before taking it outside. Lance, a bit jealous of the easy task versus scrubbing the crusted food from a pan, watched as Keith came back in and opened the bag to replace in the kitchen. He indulged in a peek at Keith’s rear as he bent to put the rest of the trash bags away in a low cupboard.

Feeling mischievous, Lance crept over before Keith could quite leave the room and used his still wet fingers to give Keith’s butt a little pinch. Keith whirled around and backed Lance up into the counter, pinning him there with his dark bedroom eyes and breathe ghosting over Lance’s lips. 

“You wanna play it like that, huh,” Keith whispered. Lance was sure his heart stuttered. If this was his reaction every time, Lance made a note to pinch Keith’s butt more often. Keith leaned in close, kissing and nipping at the warm skin of Lance’s neck, his hand reaching around to give Lance’s ass more than a little pinch. Lance hooked his thumbs in the belt loops of Keith’s jeans and pulled him closer until there was no space left between them, just steam and heat.

“NOT IN MY KITCHEN!”

They broke apart like they’d been struck by lightning, their heads down and faces red. Mrs. McClain let out a torrent of Spanish that Keith could only assume was a lecture. Lance made a squeaked reply and went back to washing the pan, embarrassment putting a bit more umph in his scrub. 

When Lance was finally done doing the dishes and putting them away, he found them sitting on the couch talking. Keith had a huge grin on his face. Lance smiled and went to join them, but before he could sit down he realized what they were talking about and emitted an undignified squawk.

“No matter what I did, I could not get him to stop wearing his diaper on his head,” his momma said with a laugh.

“It wasn’t a diaper,” Lance came to his own defense. It had actually been his pull ups while he was being potty trained, but that wasn’t much better.

“He was pretending to be a pirate and it was his hat,” she went on remembering a toddler Lance running around naked but for his pirate hat, saying ‘Arrrrrr’ and hooking his finger menacingly at anything that moved.

Keith laughed and Lance groaned.

There was little Lance could do to stop the retelling of all the embarrassing things he did when he was growing up, including his momma’s perspective of Lance showing up at the house dripping wet and naked when he failed to retrieve his swim trunks. Though Lance had already told Keith that story, it somehow became ten times more embarrassing from his momma’s point of view.

His papa made a very awkward attempt to make conversation with Keith, but it was obvious he wasn’t sure how to proceed. Lance was blessed with parents that were accepting of his being Bi, but that didn’t mean his papa was any good at meeting Lance’s significant other. He stumbled over his words about as much as Keith usually did and eventually he gave up, letting his wife carry the conversation.

Mateo loved Keith. He sat on the floor while Keith told him stories of dark magic forests and pirate ships lost on the high seas. Lance had never seen Mateo so still. His gap toothed maw hung open in awe, enraptured as he was by the elaborate tales of daring and heroism. Lance never knew Keith was such a good storyteller and soon he was caught up in them too. Keith later told him that these stories were a retelling of the adventures he and Henry used to play out and the books he’d read while in foster care.

VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD

Lance lay awake that night, having a hard time sleeping. He tried thinking about anything else, but his mind always led back to Nathan. They were done with that semester’s classes they shared at the Garrison, but that didn’t mean they wouldn’t share any in the future. The results of the arraignment sparked in him a greater fear of Nathan and his hansom smile. The judge had said that consequences would become more severe with future offenses, but that didn’t ease his mind at all. 

And then he’d think of the boy that was with Nathan in court that day. He thought of his blonde curls and wide eyes. Then those curls turned tangled and twisted in Nathan’s cruel hands. His pale ice-blue eyes turned to swollen and bruised flesh. He was sure that he and Nathan were together. Nathan always said he had a thing for guys with blue eyes. He was determined to talk to the boy and convince him to leave Nathan if he could. But what if something happened to him before he had the chance? What if, while Lance lay comfortable in his makeshift bed of blankets, he lay in a hospital bed beaten and bloody? Would Nathan try to force himself onto him too?

He flung his blankets away and was in front of the door to his own room before he even realized what he was doing. Instead of knocking, he slowly cracked the door open just enough to squeeze in then quietly shut it behind him. He made his way to his bed where a Keith sized lump was bundled beneath the blankets. Violet eyes peered at him in the dark when he crawled onto the bed beside him. Wordlessly, Keith scooted over, moving the blankets up and around Lance’s shoulders and pulled him close.

Lance didn’t cry this time, but he was clearly upset. Keith could tell by the way Lance didn’t quite relax into him and the quick breathes he was taking.

“Tell me a story,” Lance whispered. Keith was quiet for so long he thought for a moment that he’d fallen back asleep.

But in the quiet of the room, he heard Keith’s hushed tones as he started. “There was a Boy Prince who lived out in the snow and ice,” he said and Lance stared up at the stars projected on his ceiling by his nightlight as he listened. “He had eyes the color of warm earth and hair like the night sky. His family were the ice wolves whose thick fur he clung to in the frosty nighttime.”

Lance shivered as he imagined the bite of the snow and pulled himself closer to Keith.

“He hunted, played with the pups, and sang to the sky spirits alongside them. But the Prince’s kingdom wanted him back. So they hunted the ice wolves.”

Keith paused and Lance furrowed his brow. “Did they kill them?”

“Not all of them,” Keith whispered. “But some. The Boy Prince didn’t want to see his family killed so he left his wolves and went to the kingdom. But he was too wild. He couldn’t read or write and he wasn’t the Prince they hoped he’d be so they left him out alone in a snowstorm.”

Lance felt Keith’s hand in his hair, holding him like he was protecting him from the cold.

“He couldn’t find his wolves and the snow kept coming down until his skin turned blue and he was near death. Then the sky cleared and Northern Lights danced. Among the lights were the spirits of his wolves; the ones killed by men in order to retrieve him. He begged for their forgiveness and professed his love for them. They were his family; he wanted them to welcome him into the sky once the cold overtook him. They reached down to him, but he didn’t have the strength to reach up to them. When they touched his icy skin, he felt a warmth in his heart. They forgave him.”

“Where there was once blue skin, there was fur as white as the snow. Where there was once a Boy Prince there lay a Wolf Prince with the same earthy brown eyes. He shook out his new coat of fur and sang to their spirits as they retreated into the sky to dance among the lights. Soon his voice was joined by those of his wolves; the ones who lived. They knew him and loved him. He was their family and he was their Prince.”

“When he and his wolves grew old and died, their spirits danced with their ancestors among the lights in the night sky as their pups, now grown and with pups of their own, sang to them from the ice and snow below.”

Lance felt a tear fall, but his heart was warmed. He clung close to Keith as if to heed off the cold of the snow and fell asleep with Keith’s hand in his hair and the stars glowing bright on the ceiling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who’s reading this, and leaving kudos, and comments! You guys are so nice and encouraging! I’m going to get another chapter up today so be on the lookout for it! :D


	20. Part of the Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More shenanigans at the McClain house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another short one, but here you go!

Almost a week had passed of them staying at Casa de la McClain. The longer they were there, the more comfortable Keith seemed to get. Instead of following Lance around like a puppy, he was becoming more independent. One morning, Lance went to see if Keith was awake yet and found his room empty. He searched several rooms of the house before cutting through the playroom to search the backyard. There Lance found Keith sitting crisscross on a fluffy pillow in front of Gabby’s toy vanity set. She was messily applying dramatic blue eye shadow to his eyelids, nodding along to some made up drama Keith was telling her, his eyes dutifully closed.

“Wow what’s going on here,” Lance asked, expecting Keith to jump and blaze red with embarrassment. Instead Keith opened the eye already adorned in blue and wiggled his fingers, splayed out over his knees. Lance noticed each nail was painted in a different color.

“I’m getting a makeover,” he said happily and Gabby added, “Your boyfriend is very pretty.”

Lance almost laughed when he saw that Keith had momma’s old curlers in his mullet.

By the time the rest of the house rose for breakfast Lance had dramatic smoky eye shadow, eyeliner, plum lips, and rainbow nails. Lance decided to complete the look with the rainbow tutu he’d been sure to pack, which he then rubbed into Keith’s face. Keith sighed heavily when Lance pulled it out exclaiming, ‘See I told you I really needed this!’

Gabby was very pleased when they wore her fashions to Anthony’s soccer match. Keith wasn’t sure what Anthony thought of him. There was a distant coldness to him that Lance said was to be attributed to his age.

“All tweens are moody,” he said as they found seats in the bleachers. “You just never grew out of it,” he finished with a grin. Keith scowled.

The McClain family were by far the loudest of the spectators there. Keith was a bit startled by it at first. Even Gabby and little Mateo had a set of pipes on them as they cheered on their brother. After a while though Keith was having a shouting war with Lance to see who could cheer louder. They were getting odd looks from other spectators, but they hardly noticed nor cared.

Anthony ended up losing his match by a last minute goal from the other team, but they went to celebrate anyway with pizza and ice cream. 

The last night they spent at Lance’s house before returning to the Garrison, they all staying up late to watch Lance and Keith’s favorite Disney movies at Mateo’s suggestion. He and Gabby sat in a nest of blankets and pillows on the floor while Lance and Keith held hands on the couch. Lance’s momma watched from the kitchen while putting away dishes. His papa had fallen asleep in the armchair.

The double feature started out with Lance’s favorite. Most people guessed it wrong, assuming it would be Lilo and Stitch or Moana since he loved the ocean so much. While he loved those movies, they weren’t his favorite. His favorite was in fact Wreck it Ralph. He would never want to have to explain to anyone why he loved it so much. It was all about feeling worthless and never good enough, but finding out that there was never anything wrong with you; ‘There’s no one I’d rather be than me.’ And of course there was a part of Lance that found a kinship with that story. When his anxieties got to be really bad when he was younger, he would repeat that line like a mantra hoping that one day it would be true.

Keith’s favorite of course had to be one none of them had even heard of or knew existed; Treasure Planet. It was about a kid who had one parent walk out on him and grew up feeling like he was a screw up and that he had no real future only to push through and make a place for himself among the stars. It was full of adventure and peril. It wasn’t hard to figure out why it would be Keith’s favorite.

When it finally came time for them to head out, Keith wondered why he ever worried about spending such an extended stay with them. They’d been so welcoming and accepting of him and he thought he would really miss it. He would especially miss Mrs. McClain’s softness towards him, gossiping with Gabby and telling Mateo stories (it was one of the few times he was ever really good with words). He knew Lance missed them more though. He was visibly upset when they departed. Leaving home was always hard for Lance. Keith had never really known that feeling. But he thought maybe he’d gotten a small taste of it now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun Fact: Treasure Planet is my favorite Disney movie of all time!!! I love it so much like you guys don’t understand! If you haven’t seen it, then I’m assigning it as homework. <3 Anyway, hope you’re all well and that you like this chapter, even though it’s short. There may by a surprise in the next chapter. I say 'may', but it's basically almost ready to be posted so 'for sure' is more accurate. You'll see.
> 
> Now I have a question for you all: What is your favorite Disney movie and why?
> 
> Let me know in the comments! :)


	21. Lets Be Alone Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone is acting weird.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn’t find a way to write it in without it sounding really dumb and off the wall, so I’m just letting you guys know that by now Pidge and Matt are back from vacation. 
> 
> ***********************************************Spoiler Alert I guess?************************************************  
> Also I know that not everyone likes to read smut and if that’s you then go ahead and only read up until the line, ‘Keith leaned in and brushed their lips together.’ Let it be known that this is the first smut scene I’ve EVER written so I’m sorry if it sucks (haha get it?) I’ll shut up now.

Summer Session was to start the next day and the coming of classes set a buzz of anticipation in the air. Keith was going a bit stir crazy in his dorm room. He decided to text Lance and see if he wanted to grab some food or something, but an hour passed and the reply never came. He was just about to call Lance and see if he was okay when there was a knock on his door.

For a moment he thought it might be Lance coming to pick him up. But upon opening the door he found Shiro and Matt standing in the doorway grinning. They left little room for protest as they swept him away from his dorm room.

“Where are we going,” Keith asked, a bit frazzled at being whisked away like a maiden in the night.

Matt jumped ahead of him, walking backwards. “I heard that Shiro got to use you as a dress up doll and it’s so not fair because I’ve been mentally styling your clothes since forever now.”

Shiro cut in, “But I’ve known him longer!”

“Doesn’t matter.”

“What are you guys talking about,” Keith asked, but didn’t really care to find out. He made a lame attempt to turn around, go back to his dorm, and wait for Lance to reply. But Shiro’s hands were on his shoulders steering him out to the parking lot.

“Oh no,” Shiro said. “I kind of lost a bet with Matt and we agreed that if I lost, I’d let him take you shopping on my money.”

“Why am I your bargaining chip,” Keith’s voice went up. He didn’t want to go shopping. But he had little say in the matter and he found himself in a local clothing store trying on the ridiculous and the occasional decent outfits Matt picked out for him.

He tried to be subtle and text Lance, hoping for a rescue, but Lance never replied and once Matt caught him plotting escape he confiscated his phone. After buying a few new outfits that, admittedly Keith did sort of like, he thought they’d finally take him back to the dorms.  
Instead they took him to the ice cream parlor next door. Shiro paid for their treats (Keith opted out) and sat in the outdoor seating area where the late sun shone warmly on their backs and a light breeze came through. Keith watched in mounting disgust and horror as Shiro and Matt spoon fed the other samples of their ice creams.

“Oh my God are you guys on a date right now?!”

Shiro startled and nearly dropped his spoon. “No of course not,” he said, but Matt swooped in on Shiro’s spoon and stole the ice cream scoop he’d been about to eat. Shiro turned back to Matt and they were back to coupley lovey dovey mush mush that Keith had no business seeing.

“Why am I here?”

“We’re all having a fun time out,” Shiro supplied and Matt agreed.

Keith scowled at them. “You guys are acting so weird,” he muttered, but kept quiet for the rest of the time they were there. When they were leaving Matt gave him his phone back.  
There was a text from Lance from ten minutes ago.

Lance: Sorry, left my phone on the charger. I already ate with Hunk, but I can come over if that’s okay.

Keith replied that he’d be back at the dorms in a little bit. When Shiro and Matt dropped him off at the dorms, they both looked very satisfied with themselves. He knew something was up, but chose to ignore them, taking the bags of his new clothes, and went to meet Lance. He was probably already here.

Lance was standing in the courtyard outside his door. He gave Keith a quick kiss on the cheek before taking the bags from Keith so he could let them in. As soon as the door was open though, Lance’s hands came up over Keith’s eyes and he shuffled awkwardly in behind him.

“What are doing,” Keith asked as they took a few steps inside. He heard Lance nudge the door closed with his foot and before he urged them forward.

“You’ll see,” Lance said sounding nervous.

Lance led him down the hallway to his room, kicking the door closed behind them before finally removing his hands. Keith gaped at his surroundings. It was his room, he knew it was, but it was not as he had left it.

The window now had red curtains that were pulled closed, letting in only the tiniest bit of glow from the lights outside. Where the walls once stood bare, there were posters of every size and color. Some sported album covers from his favorite bands and artists. Others were of star maps, of cryptids and where in the world to find them. He spotted one of a green alien head with big black eyes that said, ‘They’re out There’. There was even an elaborately drawn one of a deep sea fish, its lethal teeth on display and a line of illuminations down its body.

“How- when did you do this,” Keith asked turning in circles trying to take everything in at once. There was a tiny projector on his desk casting spinning galaxies on his ceiling much like the star one Lance had at home. He noticed a cork board on the wall with a collage of pictures taken from over the years. He stepped closer to see which memories Lance chose to memorialize on his wall.

“Shiro gave me the spare key,” Lance said, putting down the bags he’d taken from Keith earlier. “And kind of promised to keep you away until I had it done.”

“I knew he was being weird,” Keith said.

“You like it right? If not I can take it all back. And- and you don’t have to say you like it if you don’t!”  
Keith turned back to Lance with a soft smile and a gleam in his eyes that might have been unshed tears. He laced his fingers behind Lance’s back so he could pull Lance into him.

“I love it,” Keith said in a low whisper with all the sincerity he could express. It amazed him that Lance didn’t even fully understand the magnitude of what he’d done. He’d learned to keep very few things as his own growing up in foster care, where he never stayed in one home for long. From then on it was hard for him to really settle into a place and make it his own, even if he knew he would stay. Lance had marked this place as his, yes, but he’d done more than that.

That dark knot of doubts that he wasn’t good enough for Lance and certainties that he’d leave him for someone better unraveled. Lance having done this for him felt like he was saying, ‘you’re here to stay; in this place and in my heart.’

Keith had no way to tell Lance what this meant to him. There were no words. It hardly made sense. He touched his forehead to Lance’s and willed Lance to understand.

“Keith?”

“Hmm?”

“Are you okay?”

Keith allowed himself to slowly sit on the edge of his bed. Lance followed him there with a look of concern.

“Keith?”

“I love you.” The words were a mere whisper in the room; only loud enough for Lance hear. His eyes blinked owlishly and pink dusted his checks.

Then he smiled shyly. “I love you too.”

Keith leaned in and brushed their lips together. One hand came up to gently tilt Lance’s head and the other to the bed to steady himself. He was so lightheaded he might topple over. But slowly Lance was leaning back into Keith’s pillow and Keith was eager to follow.

He settled between Lance’s parted knees, deepening their kiss. He felt Lance’s nimble fingers searching along the waistline of his jeans and the hem of his shirt until they found the skin beneath and traveled up the length of his spine. The touch sent jolts of adrenaline and pleasure all the way to the tips of his toes and fingers. He pulled away just long enough to pull off his shirt and toss it aside before Lance was pulling him back down.

Keith hovered over him, his hands holding his weight on the bed until Lance hooked Keith’s belt loops, pulling him down until they were grinding in a way that had Keith blushing. He could feel Lance’s excitement through his pants and hesitated just the tiniest bit.

“Keith,” Lance was flushed, his shirt riding up his stomach, exposing a bit of skin. “Are you a virgin?”  
Keith blushed harder, not meeting Lance’s eyes as he pulled back a bit.

“It’s okay if you are, I just,” Lance regretted asking at all as Keith pulled away from him completely, sitting back on the bed. He sat up and was frantically trying to figure out how to fix this when Keith’s eyes met his. They were hesitant and shy. He was blushing hard, but the look on his face shut up any words that may have come to mind a moment ago.

“Can- can I try something….even- even if I’m not good at it,” Keith asked, the nerves in his voice were obvious.

Lance struggled to keep his excitement contained. He huffed. “Practice makes perfect right,” he answered awkwardly.  
Very slowly Keith eased back toward him and Lance went still, afraid to scare him off. They were kissing again, but this was a sweeter, softer kiss that spoke to the hesitance on Keith’s side. Lance felt fingers sliding down the length of his arm to his wrist and then jump to the zipper of his jeans.

They broke apart so Lance could lean back, giving Keith room to pull the zipper down and undo the button. Slowly he slipped his jeans off along with his socks and shoes, letting them fall somewhere on the floor. All the while Keith never broke eye contact. Lance hardly breathed as those fingers hooked over the elastic of his underwear and pulled those down too.

He lay exposed in a way he’d never felt before. Lance’s previous experience with sex left little to foreplay. There hadn’t been time or opportunity to take in the feeling of being vulnerable with someone so intimately. He didn’t dislike the feeling, but it did have him blushing down into his chest.

Keith took in his long legs, the warm caramel skin of his thighs, and the long hardness between. He met Lance’s eyes and came closer, taking him in his hand. He stroked him and eased down until his breath ghosted over the sensitive skin. The slowness of it gave Lance time to take in these small sensations. They had him shivering.

Keith licked his lips before taking Lance into his mouth. The hot wetness of it made Lance gasp. Truth be told, Lance had never been on the receiving side of these, but if this is what it feels like then- his breath caught again when Keith starting using his tongue.

Keith ran his tongue along the tip, then took in as much of the length as he could. Lance moaned and Keith tried to go further, but choked a bit and had to pull off.

“I’m sorry,” he said. His voice sounded rough.

“I-it’s okay,” Lance said breathily. “That felt amazing.”

Keith looked self-conscious, but said, “Can I try again?”  
Lance nodded and closed his eyes as he felt Keith’s mouth around him again, his tongue massaging him. His toes curled and his fingers clenched the bedding beneath him.

“Y-you just have to, um…breathe, breathe through your nose and r-relax your throat,” Lance said. He hummed happily when Keith followed the instructions. Turns out, he was a quick study. He now had Lance making all kinds of breathy sounds.

When he pulled off again, he gave a cocky grin. “Like that?”

“Exactly like that.”

Keith smiled and leaned over to his bedside drawer, pulling out condoms and lube. Lance was scrambling to get his shirt, now damp with sweat, off and tossed aside. He watched appreciatively as Keith moved to strip off his own pants and underwear.

“Holy crap Keith!”

“What,” Keith froze.

“You didn’t tell me you were packing!”

Keith turned even more red. He busied himself with trying to open the packaging of the condoms. Why didn’t he think to open the box ahead of time? But Lance’s hand fell over his on the box to stop him.

“Can I,” Lance cleared his throat. “I-I want to,” he pointed to the box in Keith’s hand. “I want to make love to you.” Keith swallowed hard. “But only if you want to,” Lance amended. 

Keith hesitated. Whenever he imagined being intimate with Lance, he always imagined himself making love to him, not the other way around. And though the idea was a little scary, it was exciting too.

“Okay,” he said and let Lance take the box from him, setting it back on the nightstand. Lance leaned into Keith and they kissed their way back onto the bed, this time with Lance between Keith’s knees and nothing but heat between them.

When their lips parted Lance began to travel down, mouthing at his collar bone, his nipples, his stomach, his pubic bone. He thought Lance was going to take him in his mouth, but those lips traveled to hip bone, then to his thighs and down.

“What are you-,” Keith gasped as Lance licked a stripe from tailbone to his tip where precum beaded. Then that tongue was back at his entrance, warm and wet. He squirmed in embarrassment and pleasure. His breaths were short, his exhales shuttered.

Lance’s hands gently pushed the backs of his knees until his rear was raised in the air for easier access. The position had Keith grasping the bedding for balance and red to the tips of his ears, but the angle allowed Lance’s tongue to prod deeper and the spikes of ecstasy shooting up his spine had him whimpering and biting his lip.

Lance let his body uncurl back onto the bed, reaching over and squirting a generous amount of lube in his fingers before kneading it over Keith’s entrance. Lance finally took Keith in his mouth and massaged up and down with his expert tongue, using the ministrations as a distraction while slowly letting his finger nudge inside. Immediately Keith clenched. Lance stopped, pulling off.

“Does that hurt,” he asked, worried.

“No,” Keith said, his muscles already relaxing. “I-it just, kind of feels weird.”

They took it slow, waiting for Keith to relax before Lance pushed in another long finger, scissoring him open. He searched around until he found the place that had Keith writhing and moaning. He took Keith back into his mouth while stimulating him until Keith was breathing hard, his eyes were half- lidded.

After putting on the condom and applying more lube, Lance lined himself up and entered slowly while peppering Keith’s face in kisses. He paused to give Keith time to adjust before pushing in until his pubic bone met Keith’s skin. They shared a sweet, albeit somewhat sloppy kiss.

They rocked together, feeling the other’s pulse racing where they met. Once Keith was urging him on, Lance found a faster rhythm that had them both sighing and short of breath. Keith hummed, his head falling back on the pillow. Lance took his blissed out face and exposed neck as invitation to suck and lick along his jaw and throat.

Keith explored Lance’s body as he moved. He felt along the graceful slope of his neck, his shoulder blades where they jutted out from his heated skin, the nobs of his spine rolling with the motions of his hips where he took handfuls of Lance’s plump buttocks and pulled him in closer, deeper.

Their movements undulated together; moans taking on the other’s name. Their bodies heated with mounting sensation.

Lance continued thrusting through Keith’s climax, and followed soon after. He discovered that Keith’s orgasm came with a wake of hyper sensitivity in which every little touch sent him quivering. Lance took full advantage of it, keeping Keith in a haze of ecstasy as long as he could. All the while he whispered loving words in his ear, kissing his neck and cheek until Keith caught his lips tenderly. 

When they came down from their afterglow high, Lance disposed of the condom and cleaned Keith off with a warm wipe before laying with him under the blankets. No longer was their nakedness in a sexual context; it was about being wholly close, with no barriers, sharing one other’s breath as they whispered late into the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m not blushing, you are! *runs away*


	22. The Boy Underwater

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance tries to find Nathan’s new boyfriend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m not sure if it comes across all that well, but just in case-
> 
> WARNING: Implied thoughts of suicide in this chapter! Read with caution or skip this chapter if this a trigger for you. If you do decide to skip the chapter, there’s a condensed summary in the end notes with the essentials of what it’s about.
> 
> So I originally intended for Nathan’s new boyfriend to be a nameless character who really only shows up in the courtroom chapter, but he kind of grew on me so you’ll be seeing more of him. Hopefully you guys like his character.
> 
> Also, I don't have a beta for this fic. I read everything myself to look for mistakes so if you see something wrong feel free to let me know! 
> 
> Anyway, here you go.

Once classes started, Lance made it his mission to find the kid who was going out with Nathan. Border lining on creepy stalking, Lance asked around to see if anyone knew who Nathan’s new boyfriend was. He confirmed that Nathan did in fact have a new boyfriend, but no one seemed to know what his name was. He was very shy apparently and mostly kept to himself.

He texted Pidge to see if she could search online for anything, but since she hadn’t actually seen him she said it’d be hard for her to search without Lance there. She tried hacking the school’s database for student picture ID’s (and succeeded), but going through them one by one looking for a single person was taking too long. The Garrison was a big campus and the database she accessed included everyone who got an ID in the last few years. She set up a program to sift through it for her, eliminating the girls altogether and the boys whose appearance didn’t match what Lance described.

In the meantime Lance came over to go through her other searches in Garrison records. They’d already looked through every player of any sport offered on campus and eliminated that. He didn’t live in the dorms or work anywhere on campus, and he wasn’t in any fraternities.

Pidge asked him if he was sure the person they were looking for even went to the Garrison. He doubted himself for a second, but knew that he must because Lance knew he’d seen his face on campus before. Plus people knew of the kid, they just didn’t know any more about him really than what Lance already knew.

They were going through the various clubs offered on campus and were almost to the end of the list when Lance spotted him in a picture taken that past semester and frantically pointed him out.

“Pidge that’s him! Right there! What is this from?”

“It’s a picture taken at last semester’s state mathlets competition. The Garrison took first,” she said. 

“Okay, but what’s his name?”

“Hang on String Bean, I’m getting there,” she pulled up the names of the students on that team. “Okay, so his name is Jesper Greyson. And now that I have a name we can pull up his info.” She took a moment to type, then sat back as his academic and extracurricular information pulled up. 

“Geez this guy is genius! He’s in the school’s mathlets, chemistry club, and debate team,” she said. “His GPA is killer and he’s received a couple awards and honors for his academic achievements. With the track he’s on he’ll likely graduate early.”

“Is he signed up to take classes for Summer Session?” None of this stuff helped him if he couldn’t find the guy.

“No…,” Pidge said and Lance deflated. “But it looks like he’s entering a collection in the art gallery display next week.”

“Really? Yes! Thank you Pidge, you’re amazing,” he pulled Pidge into an awkward hug and kissed her on the head. She whacked him with a notebook she had close at hand, but he hardly noticed. When he pulled away, her glasses were skewed and her hair stood up at odd angles.

“I AM NEVER HELPING YOU AGAIN,” she yelled as he grabbed his things and raced out the door.

“Love you too Pidgey,” he yelled over his shoulder.

VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD

Tickets to the art exhibition were at discount price for Garrison students, but they did still cost a pretty penny. The gallery at which it was taking place was not on campus as Lance expected. It was a rented space in Old Downtown.

Lance had never been to an art show before. Allura had though, and she advised them to dress nicely- it would likely be a formal setting. He followed her advice and wore his nicest suit with a crisp shirt underneath. Keith, who of course came with him, also dressed for the occasion. He showed up in darker formalwear, looking a bit like he’d stepped straight from the pages of an old book set in London, with a silver pocket watch tucked in the pocket of his coat and his hair pulled back into a neat ponytail. He had not, however, forgone his signature gloves, but somehow they only enhanced the effect.

‘Why do you have a pocket watch,’ Lance had asked after getting past the awe of seeing just how nicely Keith cleaned up. Keith shrugged peering closely at the tiny exposed gears shifting and turning away beneath the crystal face of the watch. It had been a gift from Shiro a few years back. ‘I like it,’ he’d said, snapping it shut and tucking it away.

They arrived early, hoping to get a glimpse of Jesper before the show. There was a line of nicely dressed people forming; all of them waiting to go into the art gallery. They took their place at the end of it as more lined up behind them.

Lance had always loved Old Downtown. Trees with knotted trunks and leafy branches shaded the flagstone sidewalks. The streets were lined with street lanterns, already lit as the hot sun prepared to set somewhere to the west. The little shops along the walkways were quaint and old-fashioned looking. They were broken up by a bakery here giving free samples, smelling of fresh bread and honey, and a bookstore there full of well-loved volumes looking for new homes. The atmosphere was nastolgic and airy. Usually Lance would be able to appreciate it more, but right now he was too busy scanning the crowd for a glimpse of the boy with blonde curls.

Once the glow of the lanterns were brighter than the light from the sun now set, the line began to move. He spotted the double French doors to the gallery space a ways down being opened and people began filing in. An usher greeted them as they entered.

The space was bigger than the outside hinted at. The open area in which they all gathered filled quickly, the din of conversation picking up as people spotted pieces they liked. Not everyone could make it inside. Those who could stood just short of encroaching into another’s elbow space and those who could not waited patiently in the line outside.

A spiffy man got their attention, waiting for quiet before giving a long speech. Lance hardly listened to it. That is, until the artists whose pieces were being shown were acknowledged. Among the other people smiling and waving at the mention of their names was Jesper Greyson. His big eyes sparkled in the lights of the gallery. He was blushing in embarrassment under the attention he was receiving. On his arm (or, more accurately, the other way around) was Nathan, smiling and nodding as though it was he who was receiving the applause.

Lance couldn’t take his eyes off of them. He wondered if he had looked so small standing next to Nathan. Were there already bruises hidden beneath Jesper’s slacks and sleeves? It occurred to him suddenly that he’d spent so much time worrying about how to find Jesper that now that he had, he had no idea how to approach him. Not for the conversation he’d planned on having and definitely not with Nathan so nearby. He hadn’t thought of the possibility of Nathan being here at all.

There was a roar of applause as the speech finally came to a close. People dispersed inside, some moving to graze over the complimentary cheeses, grapes, and white wine, while the rest moved to observe the paintings along the walls and sculptures on pedestals throughout. The gallery space was broken up in a maze-like layout where one could not stand on one end and see all the way to the other. 

In the haze of movement Lance lost sight of Jesper and Nathan. He craned his neck to see over people’s shoulders and around their heads. But he was beginning to receive strange and disapproving looks from some of the other people and realized his behavior has likely inappropriate. He settled back into the heels of his polished shoes with a hot face.

Keith’s hand found his elbow. “Come on, he’ll be around here somewhere,” he said in hushed tones. “We’ll just make our way through.” They shuffled along with other guests who stopped to appraise the pieces on display. Some listed steep prices for those who wished to make a purchase. Others already had a small notation beside them indicating they’d been sold. Lance wanted to find the paintings in oil and acrylic interesting and on another day he might have, but today his mind was occupied with other concerns.

“We might find him faster if we split up,” Lance suggested.

“With that ass wipe here? Hell no.”

It was the answer he’d expected, but it was worth suggesting anyway. Despite himself, Lance did end up pausing to actually take in a few of the pieces. There was one of sand and sky, only a hint of water rolling in from the side of the canvas. It looked like what you would see if taking a nice walk on the beach, light clouds overhead and a misty breeze coming off the waves. 

Another was a surreal landscape across which a girl was silhouetted against a blue and purple sky. Her hand was outstretched and from it was a tether of light connecting her to the huge whale swimming weightless overhead. It was captioned with the phase, ‘Reality is just none of my business.’ He liked it a lot. It made him think of Poseidon with his colored fin.

Then they came to one that made him stop. It was a regular scene of people going about their noisy lives, except for the fact that they were all underwater. A boy stood alone in the center of it all, knees knobby and hair floating away from his forehead. He was weighted down by his heavy backpack. A large plume of bubbles emitted from his mouth in an anguished exhale. Involuntarily Lance found his breathe leave him and he had to force himself to gulp in air. He understood that boy. Struggling to breathe when it came easy to everyone else.

“Lance?” Keith was eying him from where he stood and knew something was off. Keith moved in front of him, between Lance and the painting. “Lance are you okay?”

“Answer him, Lance,” came a voice from behind. Any sense of calm Lance may have been coming into slipped away as he turned to see Nathan grinning down at him. Gripped possessively in his arm was Jesper, his bottom lip held nervously between his teeth. Keith moved to put himself between Nathan and Lance, but Lance reached to grab his hand. Keith let him and glared from where he stood.

“Do you like it,” Nathan asked and it took Lance a moment to realize he was talking about the painting. He couldn’t find his voice to say anything about it.

“It’s okay,” Jesper said. His voice was soft, “It was meant to- to help people understand more than anything else.”

“This is your work,” Lance asked.

Jesper nodded. He seemed glad to talk about something besides the obvious tension between everyone else present. “It’s to represent what it’s like to struggle with- with depression...” His voice sort of fizzled out as the attempt to bypass the awkwardness blew out in a sudden wind.

“I know what you’re here for Lance,” Nathan said in a low voice. “I’ll leave you to talk. Jesper’s a big boy,” he emphasized this with a slap to Jesper’s backside. Jesper yelped. The gesture seemed too lewd for a boy as gently mannered as him. Nathan continued, “He can make decisions for himself. Go ahead and talk with him, see what he decides.”

Nathan stalked away with a smug grin. Lance felt Keith’s hand twitch in his and knew he wanted a repeat of ‘Operation Smash and Grab’, but Lance squeezed his hand. When Keith looked to him, he shook his head. Keith huffed and looked away, but Lance knew he got the point.

“Give us a second,” Lance said and let go of Keith’s hand. Keith walked a few paintings down from them; out of earshot, but in his line of sight. Lance turned back to the painting. The brushstrokes were heavy. It seemed appropriate.

“Please just leave,” Jesper said just above a whisper. He stood beside Lance, also looking at the painting. But his eyes looked into a space beyond that canvas.

“I can’t,” Lance said. “Not without at least trying.”

Jesper chewed on the inside of his lip. “I didn’t know,” he said finally. “Not until the trial. A day or two before the court date he told me, and only because I found the papers and asked about them.” He took a breath and seemed to hold it as they wordlessly moved along the wall to the next painting. Neither of them paid it much attention. “He changed in those couple days.” He paused, looking down at the floor. “I think he took me with him to court as a warning.”

Lance peeked over at him. He saw his hand subconsciously move toward the arm of his sleeve. Lance just knew the skin beneath would be bruised if he got a glimpse of it.

“He took me with him to show me what would happen if I reported him,” Jesper said, turning to face Lance head on. “And that was a whole lot of nothing. What happened wasn’t fair. He should have gone away for what he did to you.”

“If you know all that then why are you still with him?” As soon as he’d asked the question he was angry with himself. Hadn’t that been the exact line a questioning he’d been afraid people would ask him? He knew exactly why. And moments later Jesper confirmed it.

“I’m afraid,” he whispered. The light shining in his eyes made him seem more vulnerable. “I don’t have anyone really I can turn to for help and after seeing what- what happened to you in court…I don’t know that I could trust the law to do anything either.”

The judge had said that future offences would be punished more severely, but that would mean having to wait until something terrible had already happened for them to actually do anything.

“Come with us,” Lance said. He almost reached out a hand to him, but didn’t. “Tonight. Me and my friends, we’ll protect you.” 

Jesper hissed a humorless laugh, looking anxiously around the room. “I’m no one to you. And you aren’t bodyguards. I can’t expect you or your friends to do that and we both know you couldn’t guarantee my safety. Even thinking to try such a thing would only make him angrier,” Jesper’s eyes met his tentatively. “I appreciate the gesture though. I think you actually mean it. It’s just not realistic.” 

His smile was sad, his eyes empty. “I’ll just have to find another way out.”

Those words sparked a fear in Lance. ‘Another way out.’ His eyes flicked back to the painting of the boy, his breath gone and no way to take in air while under the dark water. He imagined the strain of trying for so long not to drown. But what if he held his breathe for too long? What if he simply gave in and opened his lungs to whatever there was to come, be it water or air. He- he didn’t mean…

Before he could say anything else it seemed there’d been a signal that went unnoticed by them because suddenly both Nathan and Keith were back at their sides. Nathan’s arm was around Jesper’s shoulders, but all Lance saw was the threat in the gesture- a python ready to close around Jesper’s thin neck and squeeze until no life remained.

“All right,” Nathan said, “Well I think that was plenty of time for you to see that your little mission in coming here was pointless.”

“Actually we weren’t done talking,” Lance insisted.

“You were,” Nathan said in tone of finality that had Keith growling and Lance a bit shaken. Nathan’s hands slid along to rest on Jesper’s shoulder, giving a tight squeeze. “Besides, Jes and I are off to celebrate his success at tonight’s showing. Privately.” Jesper swallowed and Lance bristled.

Nathan’s smile was almost sinister as he maneuvered Jesper away. Lance moved to follow; he couldn’t let them leave together! But the crowd of people and the maze-like structure of the gallery made it difficult and by the time he’d made it to the front there was no sign of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Condensed summary: Lance finds Jesper by tracking him down at an art show through the school. He goes to the show to talk to him about leaving Nathan. Nathan is still a jerk. Jesper wants to leave him, but is scared. Nathan is still a jerk some more. Nathan leaves with Jesper.
> 
> Thanks to everyone who read, and leave kudos, and comment! You guys are awesome! Till next time, catch yah later! :)


	23. Faith in Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance is stressed, Keith is precious, and stuff happens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Hope all is well. Here’s another chapter for you! Hope you like it! :)  
> WARNING: Implied thoughts of suicide in this chapter! Read with caution or skip this chapter if this a trigger for you. If you do decide to skip the chapter, there’s a condensed summary in the end notes with the essentials of what it’s about.

Lance was in a state of absolute and justified panic after what happened at the gallery. Keith did his best to calm him, but there was little to be done other than return to their search. Lance didn’t know what he could do, but now he knew Jesper was in an abusive relationship with a dangerous man and knew he wanted out. That meant that Lance was going to do all he could to help him. The night left implications of danger to Jesper’s life from both Nathan and himself. He couldn’t let either of those come to pass. If something happened to Jesper, he would be responsible for standing by and letting it happen.

Pidge’s program did eventually find Jesper among the thousands of other students. By then it didn’t matter anymore; they already knew his name. Instead the photo ID only mocked Lance. He found himself staring at the picture often wondering how it could be so hard to find one person. Presumably he should have been at Nathan’s house, but it seemed Nathan had learned from the mistake he’d made with Lance. Instead of having his new boyfriend stay at his house, Nathan was staying wherever Jesper lived. It would be harder to get someone out of your home than it would be to flee from theirs. 

In the picture, Jesper had an awkward, lopsided smile that showed the blushed peach color of his thin lips and no teeth. He looked happy. His icy blue eyes had a light to them that Lance thought only existed in the eyes of young children. That light had been absent the day of the art show. Jesper reminded Lance of himself; a younger version who wore his insecurities a little closer to the surface, where people like Nathan could prey on them.

So he was back to trying to find him, but he was getting nowhere. He suspected that Jesper lived close to campus, but he had no way of confirming that or narrowing the search. Pidge tried pulling up whatever address he had on file with the school, but Jesper was apparently one of those paper saving people who preferred to have everything sent to him via email. No address was on file.

Nearly a week had passed with no progress. Lance reluctantly had to begin shifting his attention back towards his studies and work at the craft store, which was flooded with kids signed up for his craft classes since it was summer and they were out of school. He went through these with thoughts of a bruised and bloodied Jesper nagging at the back of his mind like a fly that had taken a liking to him.

He knew Keith was trying to comfort him in small ways. He would bring Lance his favorite snacks after a long day of studying. He’d let Lance use him as a pillow when he had late classes and was too tired to drive back to his place. Then in the mornings, Keith would make him coffee just the way he liked it and they’d drink quietly together in the bright glow of warm sunlight streaming in from the window.

They would go for walks around the lakes to take his mind off things. The heat of the summer, the warm smell of blossoming honeysuckle, along with the cool breeze through the reeds by the lakes helped calm him. Keith’s hand held reassuringly in his helped more. And sometimes he really could clear his mind for a moment; able to enjoy the nostalgic feeling of summer on the breeze. But when thoughts of Jesper returned, he felt all the more guilty having set them aside. Jesper could be in a living hell with one of Lance’s own demons and here he was frolicking by the lakes like nothing was wrong.

Well for all of Lance’s searching, Jesper ended up finding him first. The summer heat brought about a spark of interest between Hunk and Shay; they were out on their first date (a homemade picnic on the beach), so Lance had the apartment to himself to study for a quiz he had coming up. As he went through his color coordinated flashcards, he heard a knock on the door and opened it to Jesper pushing quickly inside. Lance hurried to close and lock the door before turning to find him speeding down the hall. He was pacing Lance’s room by the time Lance caught up.

They were both talking at once, pausing, then talking again. Jesper sat on Lance’s bed clearly frustrated.

“I’m sorry to just show up like this,” Jesper said, his elbows on his knees and hands pulling at his hair. “I just don’t know who else to turn to.”

“It’s okay,” Lance said. He’d spent so much time and effort trying to find Jesper; he wasn’t going to complain when he came walking in the door. He noticed Jesper’s shoulders shudder and recognized the onset of tears. Lance moved in to comfort him with a hand on the shoulder, but before the touch became more than feather- light Jesper was violently flinching away with a startled hiss.

Immediately Lance pulled his hand back. “Sorry, I just- I-,”

“It’s okay,” he said. “Just- I don’t want…just don’t.”

Lance nodded. He understood. He pulled his desk chair out to face Jesper, sitting in it a bit awkwardly. Jesper sniffed, his eyes wet and said, “I wanted to see about getting a restraining order. He has a past offense… and more current evidence,” Lance noticed the angry edge of a bruise peeking from the collar of Jesper’s shirt. He was wearing long sleeves and pants despite the hot sun. “They would have to grant it I think, but,” Jesper looking over to Lance, a tear finally falling. “He found out that I was looking into it. He- he didn’t take it well.”

Lance didn’t know what to say to that. He remembered how quickly Nathan’s eyes could turn cold, his smile sinister. He shivered. “I’m so sorry,” he said. But he wasn’t satisfied with that. Words did little to help the boy before him. They were silent for a moment.

“I know I don’t have any right to ask this of you,” Jesper said quietly. “But-I thought I got this to protect myself.” Something bright and silver caught his eyes and Lance’s adrenaline spiked at the sight of a gun glinting innocently in his palms. “But lately, I’ve been thinking of…other uses for it.”

Lance’s heart was racing. He couldn’t let that happen. It had been Lance’s responsibility to make sure Nathan didn’t abuse someone else. He had failed. If Jesper ended up losing his life because of that failure, even at his own hands, then he would be responsible for that too. 

Jesper took a deep, shaky breath. “I can’t have this,” he whispered, looking down his nose at the weapon as though even a direct gaze would make it go off. “I’m afraid of what I’ll do.” He looked back up at Lance. “Please, I know you have no reason to do anything for me, but please, take it from me. I can’t have it.”

Lance hesitated for a moment. But the desperate look on his face left little room for doubt. He could do this. If nothing else, he could do this one thing. He took the weapon gingerly from Jesper’s shaking hands, holding it steadily over the top of the gun rather than from the handle. It flashed bright in the light like the eyes of a predator. Jesper’s tension visibly melted away as if it were a physical burden, heavy of his thin frame. Lance noticed him purposefully look away so he wouldn’t see where Lance stashed it in a shoe box and away out of sight. He would find a way to get rid of it later. The heaviness of the warm metal held like a memory in his hand.

Lance turned back to Jesper. His eyes were closed and he looked more relaxed than Lance had ever seen him. The light from his window shown behind him, turning the blond of his curls a luminescent white. Lance’s heart eased a bit. That, at the very least, was some solace to him. But there had to be more he could do. None of his good intentions would mean a thing if Lance could find no way to get him away from Nathan and out of harm’s way.

They talked for a long time, scheming about how to get Jesper out of the relationship and Nathan out of his house. Nothing practical came from this. There were too many ways Nathan could get around their meager plans. Eventually they settled for stalling. Jesper was leaving the next day on a trip to Washington DC for the national mathlets competition. That gave him about a week away from Nathan plus that amount of time for them to think of a way out. For now that was all they could do.

They had just come to this conclusion when the door to Lance’s room opened to reveal Keith. He started to step into the room when his eyes found Jesper on the bed and Lance sitting beside him, having at some point moved there from his desk chair while they were talking. His steps faltered, his eyes jumping from Lance to Jesper and back again.

Lance’s heart was pounding in his ears.

“Oh,” Keith finally said, very awkwardly before sort of shuffling back towards the hall. “I-,” He turned and disappeared, his steps retreating. Lance stood up so quick he didn’t even realize he’d done it, but he felt dizzy and lightheaded.

Jesper excused himself quickly, muttering something about leaving before Nathan suspects he’s here, but Lance hardly heard him. He arrived in the living room just in time to hear Jesper close the door behind him as he left. Keith was sitting on the couch looking uncomfortable. He stood up again when Lance came in the room.

“That wasn’t- we weren’t-,” Lance stumbled for the words. “I swear we were just talking Keith, we,” but Keith was nodding like he understood. Lance didn’t notice the tightness in Keith’s smile that betrayed just the tiniest bit of doubt.

“I believe you. I just wanted to bring you these,” Keith said holding up a bag of sour gummy worms and a few sticks of Lance’s favorite jerky. Lance stared at the snacks for a moment. He hadn’t even realized that he’d expected Keith to be angry. He expected him to yell and make accusations; punish him with silent treatments or cheap jabs that directly attacked his insecurities. He expected him to react like Nathan.

Lance hugged Keith tight round the shoulders. How could his mind make such a comparison? Keith had many faults: his tendency to be abrupt, his inability to read most social cues, his obscene obsession with emo bands- but he was not Nathan. Sure they bickered and argued over just about everything, but he wouldn’t be so petty as to make a huge deal out of nothing and punish Lance for it. He was better than that and Lance was so grateful for it.

Keith closed his eyes and took in the fresh smell of Lance’s- was it lotion? Hair gel? It didn’t matter because it was wholly Lance. There was a time not so long ago that he would have walked into Lance’s room and come to the exact conclusion Lance feared. A tiny part of him- the part that bore the hurt of everyone in his life who had left him- did for just a second. He would not have been angry though. He would have seen it as Lance finding the love he needed with someone better. He would have left; walked right out into the bright sunlight of the day and looked for somewhere dark to crumble inside.

He took another deep breath of Lance’s scent. This was the one person who never walked away no matter how prickly he got. The one who had an answer to all of Keith’s jibs. The one he’d fallen in love with. The one he’d been intimate with. The one who held his heart and soul. For however present that tiny seed of doubt may be, his certainty that Lance loved him and wanted him was so much greater. That’s why Lance had found him sitting on the couch, giving them space to talk, instead of out the door with his heart shattered to dust.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Condensed summary: Lance stresses about finding Jesper after Nathan left with him at the gallery. Jesper finds Lance first. He asks Lance to take away his gun so he can’t use it against himself. Lance takes it. Keith walks in on them talking and Lance is afraid he’ll come to the wrong conclusion, but Keith has faith in Lance’s love for him.
> 
> So there you go. Have a good day or night or whatever. :)


	24. Brush Strokes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith gets to plan their next date. Lance isn’t so sure about it. ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all! Here’s another chapter for you. Thanks to everyone who leaves all these nice comments! Really guys, it’s so motivating. Anyway (*spoiler alert I guess*) I’m putting another warning for smut in this chapter. If you’d rather not read it, stop reading after Lance’s ‘popped a vein’ comment. The deed is done at the sentence starting with, “After they were showered and back in bed…,”so you can pick it up there. Hope you like the chapter! :)

Lance found that knowing Jesper was out of state and out of Nathan’s reach, at least for the time being, helped him relax. He was still scrambling to think of a solution for when he returned, but at least for now he knew that Jesper was safe. The break in stress and in assignments spurred him to do something last minute with Keith. It was Keith’s turn to pick the itinerary for the night and Lance was beginning to doubt that decision.

It was just after dark. The campus was quite deserted but for the few stragglers in the distance just leaving the library. He initially thought they were going to take a nighttime stroll around their usual path among the various lakes, and for the first half of the evening they did. Hand in hand, enjoying the royal blue of the sky in the absence of the sun.

The lakes were still, only giving the occasional ripple, reflecting the sky’s blue and trees lining the water. The sun took with it the denseness of the heat, leaving behind a soft warmth. Their walk was pleasant.

But then Keith was pulling him off the path, closer to the lake’s edge. He released Lance’s hand and began stripping right there in the open where students usually fed the ducks in the daylight.

“Keith what are you doing?!”

Keith grinned at him through his dark bangs as the underwear came down too. Before Lance could say a word- made somewhat difficult by the uninterrupted view of his boyfriend in all his glory- Keith was wading out into the water. Long ripples followed him out until Keith was about chest deep. He did a rather indecent dive. With a flash of pale skin he disappeared beneath the blue. When he came back up his hair was dripping wet in his face. He smoothed his bangs back over his head and gave Lance a huge toothy smile.

Whatever doubts he’d been having a second ago were pushed aside. Lance was scrambling to get his stupid pants off. They were caught around his shoes, which he’d neglected to remove first. He lay back in the grass yanking it all off before throwing his shirt behind him as an afterthought. He rushed in loudly, hurrying to cover his nakedness in the water. 

The resulting wave bloomed out over the water. He sank down his chin. The water was warmer than he expected. He pushed off the sandy and somewhat slimy bottom with his toes, moving further out to where Keith was treading water.

“I always imagined you being the kind of guy who hates getting wet,” Lance said.

“I’ve wanted to skinny dip in here since we walked onto campus freshman year,” Keith floated on his back, exposed certain…areas, to the air. Lance gulped, unwittingly letting his eyes linger. Keith was giving him a smug grin. He was doing that on purpose. Lance blushed a bit in embarrassment at having been caught ogling him. But hey, they were boyfriends right? If Keith was going to make such an enticing display then why wouldn’t he be allowed to ogle?

Lance took a breath before sinking below the surface. Keith went back to treading water, trying to spot Lance but he couldn’t make out much. Then something took a generous grip on the cheek of his ass. He yelped in surprise. With a burst of sound and movement suddenly Lance was coming up for air behind him. He twisted around to face him.

“Did you just grab my ass?”

Lance smiled, water dripping from his lashes. “Snapping turtles,” he said making pinching gestures with his fingers. “You gotta watch out for those suckers. They’ll sneak up on yah.”

Of course Keith took that as an invitation to slash water in his face. Lance was splashing back and the lake’s dark surface went crazy with waves and ripples. Never in his life had Lance thought to do something like this- skinny dipping in a place so very public. Or skinny dipping at all really. The fact that it was very much not allowed only added to the thrill. Darkness fell quickly. The water war sent droplets flying up toward the sky, now black and speckled with bright summer stars. They were laughing and shouting and giving playful banter.

They didn’t realize how much noise they were making until the figure of a night security guard came into view across the lake lit only by the lamplights. Immediately Lance sank up to his nose, his eyes wide. Keith sent one more triumphant splash his way before seeing Lance’s face and turning. He spotted the guard and cursed, sinking deeper too. The guard brandished a flashlight, shining the beam over the dark water. The light faded out long before it would illuminate them, but small waves lapped at the guard’s feet- the leftover evidence of their water war. He looked down at the little waves then shined it back out on the water.

They quietly began making a b-line back to the opposite shore where their clothes lay in abandoned piles in the dark. Their movements were slow so as not to disturb the water too much. Keith kept his eyes trained on the guard, who was shifting from foot to foot, then making his way around the edge of the lake. Unfortunately it was in the direction that would sooner have him discovering their clothes or them, or both. He tried to swim faster.

His focus was broken though when suddenly Lance gave a startling shout of curse words. Keith jumped. The water carried the sound of course. Now the guard was running and shouting as he scanned the flashlight over the water. Their efforts to reach the shore became loud and wild. The beam of light fell over them just as they were scrambling clumsily ashore.

They barely had time to frantically gather their clothes before making a run for it. Had the guard been in better shape, it might have been a closer call. As it was, he gave useless shouts and profanities and they sprinted naked and dripping into the night.

“What the hell was that about,” Keith shouted as they ran.

Lance huffed. “Did you know- the lakes had giant ass fish,” he asked between breaths.

Keith burst out laughing and Lance joined him. The wet slap of their feet came to a speedy halt as Keith fumbled with the key to his dorm. The dorms were well lit and Lance was sure he heard someone laugh and another whistle as they tumbled inside.

The door was closed and locked behind them and for a while their harsh breathing and occasional bought of laughter was all there was. Keith found Lance’s hand in the dark and pulled him up, leading him down the hall. Lance’s eyes strained to see. There was a clicking sound as Keith snapped the galaxy light on. Lance was then reminded of their nakedness. There was no lake to disguise it. No clothes to hide it, having been abandoned again in the doorway.

Keith opened a drawer at the end of his bed and handed him a towel to dry himself. The motion left his back briefly exposed. His pale skin was broken up by lines of stark white layered atop one another. They were scars- old ones. Lance had never noticed them before. He took the towel from Keith in a state between shock and horror.

Keith was looking at him with round eyes. “What?”

Gently Lance urged Keith to turn back around, exposing those scars to the blue and purple hued light. Keith’s muscles were tense under his fingers as he lightly traced the lines. There was a spot between Keith’s shoulder blades where the skin dipped just slightly- like it had been gouged away. Another just like it hugged the curve of his rib. The scars looked stark against his skin, yet delicate in their easy arcs despite the horrifying ways they’d come to be there. They reminded him of the art show- of brush strokes of gleaming paint on a pale canvas. He felt sick.

Keith fidgeted under his touch. He used to hate his scars. They were evidence of his abuse, his weakness, his guilt. They were the marks that defined his worthlessness- his unworthiness to be loved. He hated them, but never tried to hide them. It was his shame to bare. Fellow foster kids were not always kind about them, but he felt that he deserved their scrutiny.

In that state of mind, he would have shrank away from Lance. His touch would have stung as though the wounds were still fresh. That mentality was long gone though. He still disliked the scars, but they were part of him. They were the witnesses to the torture he’d endured. They once brought him shame, but not anymore. He wasn’t afraid that Lance would see them as signs of his weakness. They were signs of his strength.

Even so, he held his breath as soft lips brushed the skin of his back. They were gentle and loving. Those lips sent tingles through his shoulders blades and spine. Fingers swept aside the dark hair at Keith’s nape to place a kiss there. Lance expected smooth skin. Instead, it was raised in a meaningless design- a burn Keith’s father had given him when he was seven. He couldn’t remember why. He had cried, screamed, vomited, and passed out from the pain. The heat was an echo on his skin. It felt searing hot under Lance’s gaze. He thought Lance would comment on it, but he only pressed his lips there too. They felt cool. It was soothing.

He turned to face Lance. His fingers were still tracing the scarline that ran alongside his rib. His blue eyes were shining wet. Keith wiped the wetness away with the pads of his thumbs. He had moved past the pain and shame those marks brought him. There was no need to revisit the injustice of it.

Lance was flooded with an undefinable feeling. Anger? Helplessness? Guilt? Shame?

“I only hurt for a couple months. You- you had years,” he said. His voice shook a bit. Really there had only been one major incident in which Nathan had gotten truly violent. He had no scars. He hadn’t even bled.

Keith shook his head. “Doesn’t matter.” He leaned in and touched his forehead to Lance’s. “Doesn’t mean your suffering doesn’t mean anything.” He pushed himself up on his toes and kissed Lance until they were both breathless. Hands traced over bare skin, both tanned and scarred. The touch was light, full of affection.

When their lips parted Lance let out a small laugh. “Why are you so good to me,” he whispered.

Keith’s hands continued down Lance’s warm skin, coming to rest on his waist just above his naked hips. “Because you’re kind,” a kiss to the cheekbone, “And smart,” a kiss to the other, “And funny,” a kiss on the bridge of his nose, “And beautiful.” He pulled Lance’s forehead down for a kiss. “Because you’re amazing.” And again to his lips. “Because I never knew someone could love me the way you do.”

Lance smiled shyly and shivered. He wasn’t sure if he should attribute it to Keith’s words or the chill running through him. Perhaps both. He still had lake water dripping from his hair and lashes. Keith moved to towel Lance dry and Lance did the same for Keith. Lance couldn’t help but laugh.

“Do you think that security guard is still trying to catch up to us?”

“Probably,” Keith grinned.

“If he hasn’t popped a vein,” Lance said and they were both laughing again, the thrill of their swim in the lake coming back to them. Lance was still finishing off drying his hair when a sneaky set of fingers came round and pinched his bare cheek.

He squawked and turned on his boyfriend. “What the- Keith!”

He gave a coy shrug. “Snapping turtle.”

The ensuing battle landed them in a tangle of giggling nakedness wrestling on the bed. Neither acknowledged aloud the growing arousal between them, but that didn’t mean it was left unacknowledged at all. The roughhousing merged into lip biting, light nipple pinching, and aggressive grinding.

As things became more heated, Lance reached over to Keith’s drawer where he knew the lube was. He went to smear it at the hole hiding between Keith’s cheeks, but Keith grabbed his wrist before he could. Lance looked up at Keith. He shivered again at the intensity in his eyes.

“No,” Keith said sitting up and coming into Lance’s space until their noses brushed. His breath ghosted over Lance’s lips. “I’m not the one getting fucked tonight.”

“Holy shit Keith,” he felt the heat between his legs twitch in arousal.

“Turn over,” Keith said. Lance was practically scrambling to do so. Their positions were now reversed with Lance laid out on the bed and Keith hovering above him, watching him with dark eyes. He wasn’t shy about scanning Lance up and down. His hands came up to stroke his legs from his hips, down his outer thighs, to his knees and back again, never moving inward. Lance was dying to be touched. He couldn’t help but squirm with want.

Keith took Lance’s fingers- the ones covered in lube- and guided them down to his own hole.

“Finger yourself open,” Keith’s voice was smoky, “I want to watch.”

“Fuck,” Lance did as he was told, starting with one long finger then adding another when that one wasn’t enough. Keith moved his knees apart so his legs were spread wider.

“Touch yourself.”

Lance whimpered as he used his other hand to stroke his length, swiping his thumb over the weeping slit at his tip while moving to meet the thrust of his fingers. Keith’s eyes watched him. He flushed under the attention, but grinned knowing he was putting on a good show.

A third finger joined those inside. The finger was not his. Lance gasped as Keith thrust in alongside his own digits. They scissoring, probing deeper, finding the sweet spot inside sending sparks of pleasure up his spine. He hissed out a hot breath and let out the tiniest of moans. When Lance had the clarity to find Keith’s eyes again they were clouded with desire. His long lashes cast his eyes in shadow and Lance moaned at the sight.

“Love hearing you,” Keith said leaning over him, one hand steadying himself over Lance’s shoulder while the other remained out of his sight between his parted legs. Another finger moved to join the others. Lance paused, taking it in. The stretch was uncomfortable but the burn was intoxicating. He groaned louder as he adjusted to the stretch. The discomfort turned to spiking pleasure; he began fucking himself on the fingers inside him, both his and Keith’s.

That noise was all Keith could take. He caught Lance’s lips in his mouth and swallowed the little gasps and whimpers he made with a kiss before pulling away, fingers and all (Lance whined at the loss), so he could get a lubed condom on. He began to crawl back over Lance, but Lance had them flipped so fast he bounced on the mattress.

“My turn to be in charge,” Lance said and the heat in his voice left Keith with no want or reason to argue. Lance made a show of straddling his hips just above his straining dick. If Keith wanted to mess with him, he wasn’t about to be one upped. One hand pinched at Keith’s nipple. It budded under the attention and he licked at it with a wet tongue and warm lips. With his other hand he continued to finger himself until Keith’s hands were pawing at his hips and he was eagerly thrusting up against Lance’s thigh.

“Tell me what you want,” Lance said in a low voice. Keith was the one squirming now.

“Want you.”

“Want me how baby? Use your words.”

“Want you to- to ride me,” Keith said blushing. Before their last expression of intimacy he’d never had sex at all. This too was something he’d never done and he wanted to so bad. “Lance.”

He didn’t make him wait much longer. The look on Keith’s face was precious- a combination of shy anticipation, affection, and want. Lance couldn’t resist one last kiss to Keith’s forehead before taking Keith’s hardness in hand and guiding himself down onto it. He sank back and clenched around him. Keith’s mouth fell open, his eyes shut. He made no audible sound. Lance grinned.

When Keith was fully inside him, Lance rose up and rocked back slowly, taking a moment to appreciate the feeling. Keith sighed, his hands following the movement of his hips. He couldn’t help but buck up to meet him, groaning in satisfaction.

But Lance hadn’t forgotten all that teasing Keith did earlier and now was the time to punish him for it. He sped up their tempo, rolling his hips and grinding back onto Keith so hard and fast that Keith lost his breath- all he could do was mutter, “Of fuck,” and hold on for dear life. “Fuck-fuck-fuck-fuck-,” his mantra was interrupted by Lance.

First a whimper, then a quiet groan, a loud moan. He felt Keith’s hands move his grip onto his thighs, then back to his hips and purred. If his earlier show of fingering himself open for Keith was good, then he knew he must look that much better grinding Keith senseless into the bed. It felt pretty great too.

As it was with their water war at the lake, they didn’t realize how loud they were getting until there came a THUMP THUMP THUMP from the ceiling. Someone upstairs was stomping to get them to shut up. Lance, being about as ornery as always, proceeded to moan louder just to make sure he was heard; he threw his head back and wailed to the ceiling theatrically.

Keith growled, taking it as a challenge. He gripped Lance round his shoulders and back, pulling him down until their bare chests are flush against one another and pounded up into him with all he had. The noises Lance was making into his shoulder were just as loud, but very much genuine. Now it was Lance who was out of breathe, picking up Keith’s mantra.

“Fuck- fuck-fuck- FUCK,” the sound of skin slapping on skin set the bass for Lance; a song and dance of skin and sweat, moans and whimpers, curses and praise- a duet as they climaxed first one then the other.

It ended with Lance laying provocatively between Keith’s legs, gently licking at his sensitive tip, the condom having been disposed of. He was enjoying all the little jumps and twitches of the muscles in Keith’s thighs and abdomen while he came down from his orgasm- from pleasure to bliss. His hands were still fisted in the sheets seeking something to hang onto, his stomach and chest painted in Lance’s own pleasure.

After they were showered and back in bed, Lance lay awake with a head of dark hair under his chin and a tangle of limbs keeping him grounded while his mind wandered. He never knew that sex was supposed to feel like that. He never knew it could be so good.

He didn’t want to dwell on the matter too much, but as sleep approached his mind’s defenses weakened. And dwell on them he did. He knew it had largely to do with the person he was being intimate with, but it was more than that. Sex had never been that great for him in the past. It had been good from time to time, but not often. Sometimes it even hurt. He thought that was just to be expected- it came with the territory of being a bottom. How many things could he really be wrong about?

In the end, the thing that mattered most though was that Keith really was so very good to him. He fell asleep feeling loved and content with Keith tucked snugly in his arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just to be clear, that last bit is a comment on how Nathan treated Lance during sex. I just didn’t want to ruin a perfectly good cuddling session by bringing his name into it.
> 
> Also, I’m not sure how I feel about this chapter’s more intimate portions. I don’t know. I hope you guys like it.
> 
> I'll be going on a trip out East for a while. I'll be getting back in about a week (March 7th). I'm just lettng you guys know. It may affect when I can get the next chapter up. I'll try to be fast about it, but I'm still brain storming ideas.
> 
> Anyone else begging March to come already so we can get season 5? Cause bruh me too. I won’t get to see it for a while though. Still no wifi guys. It’s tragic.
> 
> Hope you liked this chapter! :D


	25. Steps of the Stairs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jesper is back from his trip and it’s time to deal with how to get him away from Nathan. I’m told by my roommate that there’s Jepser/Pidge in this chapter is you squint. *shrugs* If you’re not into that, than just don’t squint. It’s up you.  
> WARNING: This chapter contains discussion of attempted suicide and depression. Please skip this chapter or read with caution if this is a trigger for you! I will put a condensed summary at the end of the chapter if you do decide to skip it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay I know I know, it’s been such a long time since I last posted and I don’t want to just give you excuses, but guys. I went on my trip (thought I’d have a hard time flying, but it was okay for the most part) and it was fun, but I returned just in time for a pipe in my house to burst. Flooded everything. Let’s just say it was not clean water and leave it that. It was a nightmare to clean up and it’s still not fixed so on top of no wifi, I now have no water in my house unless I want a repeat of the flood so… updates might be hard for a while. I will do my best and just because I’m not able to post chapters doesn’t mean I’m not still working on them. I won’t abandon you I promise! Here’s my pathetic excuse for an update. Sorry it’s so freakin’ tiny.

How time flies when one finally gets to relax. It seemed like none at all had passed since Jesper flew out to DC for the national mathlets competition, but nearly a week had passed and his plane had already landed back at the airport nearest the Garrison. Although Lance did take the time Jesper was away to relax, knowing he was safe and out of Nathan’s reach, he did not spend all that time doing nothing.

He probably had to attribute a lot of the scheming to Pidge- it was her area of expertise after all. Nathan was, thankfully, late in picking Jesper up from the airport. Which was fine because he left with an entourage that included Lance, his boyfriend, and friends surrounding him like he was the President and they were secret service.

During the days Jesper was gone, he and Lance had contacted Jesper’s landlord and explained the situation. The man was more understanding than either of them expected. He agreed to allow Jesper to move to another property he owned nearer the campus. It would have been at a higher rent cost, but he agreed to allow Jesper to stay at the rate he was at with his current arrangements. Knowing that there might be trouble, the landlord called in a policeman to oversee the gang move all of Jesper’s things out of his old apartment and into his new one in case Nathan decided to make a scene.

But since Jesper wasn’t at the apartment for those days, it seemed Nathan had no reason to be there either. The boxing and moving of his things had gone smoothly and without incident. So when they dropped Jesper off from the airport, they didn’t drop him off at his old apartment, where Nathan had trapped him in his own home, but at his new house where they had unpacked the essentials of what he’d need out immediately and the rest waited in boxes.

The next couple days were intense. They kept waiting for the bomb to drop; for Nathan to show up at Jesper’s new place and show just how angry he could get. But nothing happened. They passed the time unpacking then talking- tensely at first, like they were waiting to be interrupted, but they relaxed as the day went by with no excitement. Then the conversation flowed easily, even giving way to joking and laughter.

During this time they learned a lot about Jesper- that he was shy, and insanely smart was already known, but they discovered that among his other intellectual talents, he was also gifted in programing and electronics. He and Pidge ended up diverging from the main conversation for hours once Pidge pulled out a project she’d been working on.

He was exceptional at just about anything that included formula, numbers, patterns. These were the things that made sense to him. They were consistent, steady. They were a comfort to him in a way that really only made sense to Pidge. Although she liked to tease him- ‘Jeez you blush way too easy. Cock. Balls. Tits,’ all of which had him scarlet- she also liked that she could have conversations with him without him having to not-so-discreetly looking up terminology on his phone as Lance often did.

He came from a single parent household- his father having passed away when he was young- and was going to school to help provide for his mother and elderly grandparents. He hoped to save away enough money to buy a house on a lake. His mother always wanted a house on a lake, maybe with the smell of lilacs in the air- they were her favorite.  
When he was young, he’d learned to play every instrument he could find so he could play for her. Music was a language, patterns and symbols, movements and rhythms that came as easy to him as thermodynamic equations. He played piano or violin- his personal favorites- late into the evening not because he enjoyed it, although he did, but because it made his mother smile.

On the third day of gathering there between and after classes, it was Lance and Jesper who diverged from the group, but the topic was much heavier than programing and codes. Lance could see that it was a relief to be away from Nathan- Jesper’s bruises were healed and he was far less repulsed by casual touch- but he still had bags beneath his eyes from lack of sleep and he held tension in his shoulders that betrayed his fear that Nathan would show up any moment to drag him back to hell.

He approached with no particular topic of conversation, just something light to ease the mood, but Jesper wasn’t one to avoid an issue when it needed discussing.

“You don’t need to worry about me you know,” he said. Lance was about to feint ignorance, but gave up after seeing the look in Jesper’s eyes. “You’ve done more for me than I could have asked of you. I’m grateful. But there’s no point in you worrying too. I’m okay. I’ll be okay.”

He wasn’t talking about Nathan. The painting from the gallery came to mind. The boy underwater, moments away from drowning without anyone to notice or care. Depression didn’t go away simply because one wished it away. If that were true than Lance would have far less inner demons to fight off.

“You have us. I just want you to know,” Lance said quietly. “You can talk to us about anything. You said you didn’t really have anyone to turn to before. That’s not true anymore okay? We’re all here for you as much as we are for each other.” He huffed a short laugh. “Trust me, we’re all a bunch of strays. We look out for each other.”  
That made Jesper smile. His eyes didn’t sparkle, but maybe they would again someday, if given time.

“I want to show you something,” he said and pulled something from his pocket. He handed it over to Lance who took it gingerly. It was small, cylindrical- warm from being in Jesper’s pocket. It took a moment for Lance to recognize it for what it was- a spent bullet shell.

“What,” he started and looked to Jesper for context.

“I keep that to remind myself,” Jesper said, looking at it glint in Lance’s palm. “Shortly after I got the gun… Nathan raped me. I wasn’t a virgin- it didn’t hurt, but,” he swallowed, his eyes flicking up to meet Lance’s before averting away as if he was ashamed. “I almost did it that night. I snuck out to one of the lakes at the Garrison, with the gun, and…pulled the trigger. But at the last second I moved the gun away. I missed.”

His eyes brimmed with tears. “I didn’t want to die. I have people who need me. And I love life. Just not with him. Not the way he is- or, or was.” He nodded toward the shell in Lance’s hand. “I keep that to remind myself of what I almost did. Everything from that point on seems like a breath of fresh air when I look at it. It’s like I saved my own life and now I owe it to myself to live it. And I want to live it happy. I keep it with me and when things get too hard I take it out and breathe.”

Lance thought about Keith’s mints and how he used to use them to ground himself when bad memories swept him away- how he carried them still. Everyone needs something to keep them sane, even if it’s the smallest things and this was his. He handed it back to Jesper who gave him a genuine smile as he took it, staring down at it before stowing it safely away in his pocket again.

Moving to a new house, the spent bullet shell- they were both temporary fixes. More would need to be done to fix their respective problems, but if these were the first steps to be taken in the process then so be it. Let one step lead to the next and onward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Condensed summary: Jesper’s landlord allows him to move into a different property he owns while Nathan is away so he can escape out from under him for the time being. They gang basically adopted Jesper into the fam. Jesper is still struggling with depression, but he keeps a talisman similar to Keith’s mints that make him feel better. Also he loves his mom. That’s about it.  
> I don’t always get to answer you guys immediately, but I do read your comments and they make my day, seriously. So I swear I’m not ignoring you if you do leave a comment! I just have to wait till I get access to wifi. Which is not often.  
> Not sure how I feel about this chapter and I know it’s ridiculously short given how long I’ve been silent on you guys. I’m sorry. Hopefully more soon. :)


	26. With the Rain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Because apparently I like cuddly Klance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Guess what? I have running water in my house again! Yaaaaaay! Bless indoor plumbing.
> 
> Anyway, really quick, I want to give a special shout out to JustSomeGirl192! Your comment on the last chapter inspired part of this one so thank you for that!
> 
> And guys I finally got to see season 5! No spoilers in case there’s anyone who still hasn’t seen it, but hells yes my dudes! Loved that season! Lance is so kick ass and precious. I’m not counting that as a spoiler because let’s be honest, that’s true all the time. Anyway on to the chapter.

With the threat of Nathan becoming less overbearing and Jesper settling into his new apartment, the tension in the air began to relax. Summer Session was almost through. They were in the period of classes just before the work piled on and exams began to loom- the calm before the storm. Which was ironic in a way; the weather outside was very much past the calm. Summer storms were rolling in and promised to continue for the coming week.

The wind howled, warm rain coming in waves, pouring down one moment, calming to a few drops now and then, only to come down even harder the next. During the moments between the rain falls lightning singed the sky, thunder tumbling and rolling through the muddy brown clouds.

The gang of course was taking full advantage of the lull before exams. It was generally expected that in downtimes they would all meet up to hang out. Jesper’s new digs ended up being a pretty convenient place for this. It was close to campus and big enough for there to be plenty of room for everyone.

Usually Jesper was the type of person that would be overwhelmed by so many people in his space so often, but the group’s presence seemed to have the opposite effect on him. It made him feel like he’d truly been accepted. The consistent company of others seemed to help keep his mind occupied and away from bad thoughts or memories. It kept him grounded in a time in which he would have felt lost and cast off had he faced it alone.

About half of the time they spent there consisted of homework- writing papers, studying flash cards, reading and highlighting textbooks. The other half of the time was spent doing whatever the hell they wanted. They had their movie nights, game nights, sometimes they would just talk. Sometimes they wouldn’t talk at all, each doing their own thing but still enjoying each other’s company.

Tonight was one of those nights. The wind and rain cast the background noise for the calm quiet as some did homework while others went about with their own quiet activities. Pidge bobbed her head along to the music on her head phones while typing on her computer. Something sweet wafted from the kitchen where Hunk was baking. Weather like this always made him want to bake.

Jesper sat in a chair by the window watching the rain outside. Days like this reminded him of playing in the puddles when he was little. He would walk inside dripping wet from the rain, his curls muddy from playing. His mom would make a fuss over the mud he tracked in, only to see the childish glee in his eyes and her resolve wore away. She ended up putting on her rain boots and coat and chasing him through the mud while the rain showered down. That was a good memory. He smiled. It felt good to smile.

He glanced around the room, taking in the feeling of belonging. It was a foreign concept to him. Being an only child meant he’d grown up alone, just he and his mom. His intellectual talents often left him isolated and ostracized by peers; he was used to keeping to himself. He wasn’t used to the idea of people being there for him- to feeling that someone else cared.

His gaze found Lance and Keith sitting on the couch. They were talking quietly, holding hands. Something Lance said made Keith roll his eyes, trying and failing to suppress a smile. He was overcome by a flood of gratitude. These people took him in and accepted him, going out of their way for him like they’d known him for years. They’d shown him what it was like for someone to care about him- to show him friendship.

But they’d also shown him what love should look like- to find happiness with another. There could be compromise without dictatorship. There could be disagreements without violence or pain. There could be fire and passion without getting burned. He knew that no relationship could be perfect, but seeing the way Keith leaned into Lance closing his eyes at the contact, he saw how happy they made each other. He wanted that kind of happiness with someone. He wanted someone to care for and love him like that. That’s what love was supposed to look like. Nothing he ever had with Nathan had ever come close.

Looking back out into the rain, he felt a bit overwhelmed. He had been struggling with so much as of late. The past few months had left his heart scarred. He wasn’t sure how to move on or how to get to the point where he’d be okay again. Sometimes he wondered if such a thing was even possible.

His fingers found the warm metal of the shell in his pocket. He took a breath. Then another, listening to the hush of the rain outside. This was okay. He was okay. Even with the seemingly impossible process before him he felt himself calm because along with the dark feelings and twisted numbness came the tiniest tinge optimism for the future. Ending the torment of a relationship that had been his and Nathan’s meant that he was free to keep searching. He hoped that maybe one day he would find someone who could see past his faults and flaws. Someone who could help him heal. Someone who could help him love and make him feel loved in return.

VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD

As exams approached, stress mounted again. The course load increased and Lance scrambled to keep up. His work was also picking up. The classes he hosted at the craft store were becoming increasingly popular. He often came home with half the store’s stock of glue in his hair, his clothes thoroughly splattered in paint and glitter. He got off work late tonight, staying behind to help clean the aftermath of today’s artistic ventures and restock the acrylic paints.

Keith was supposed to come over tonight to help him study for his Oceanography class. Keith had made it clear that this did not count as a date. Before Lance finally left work, he got a text from Keith asking if he could use the spare key to go in and change clothes; Hunk was not home to let him in. He had apparently ridden his motorcycle through the rain and been soaked. Lance gave the go ahead before waving goodbye to some coworkers and driving home. He normally listened to music on the way, but decided a nice quiet drive with Blue through the rain would be more peaceful.

When he pulled up in his driveway, he steeled himself for the wind. He got out of Blue quickly and ran up the steps ducking like he could avoid the rain by hunching down. He let himself in hurriedly, closing the door to the wind, and froze in the doorway.

It was dark. There were no lights on. As his eyes adjusted they registered a low glow coming from beyond the entryway, but he couldn’t bring himself to go toward it. He recognized it as candlelight.

He knew it was irrational, but a part of him was back in Nathan’s entryway, walking in on a candle lit nightmare pretending to be a scene of romance. His heart was pounding in his ears and his breath shuddered when a spark of lightning from outside briefly flashed through the window.

“Keith,” his voice was barely loud enough to be heard by his own ears so he tried again.

“Keith?”

A figure appeared ahead, silhouetted by the candlelight.

“Lance,” the silhouette was Keith’s, the voice was Keith’s, but Lance was still rooted to the spot. “Hey,” Keith said, his figure moving across the entryway towards him. He was saying something, but Lance wasn’t registering it. As he approached his features became more distinguishable in the dark. The same must have been true for Lance because suddenly Keith’s eyes shot wide, his frame wracked with concern.

“What’s wrong? Did something happen,” he asked. Lance was taking deliberate breaths. His hands found Keith’s and held them like they would keep him grounded. He was trembling.

“Lance, you’re scaring me. What-,”

“I’m fine,” he answered. His voice only shook a little. “I-It’s just,” he shook his head. “It’s stupid. I’m okay.” He tried his best to smile, but he could feel how brittle it was and knew it wouldn’t fool Keith.

Keith didn’t say anything, but Lance could see Keith’s eyes searching him for some sign, some explanation. Lance sighed heavily. “It’s just… the candles. I thought- it’s dumb. I swear I’m okay now.” His hands were still shaking where he held onto Keith’s like an anchor, but his heart wasn’t pounding loudly in his ears as it was a moment ago.

He was glad when Keith needed no further explanation. He had told him, in great detail, what Nathan had done to him that night. He knew about the candles, the flower petals, the cuffs. He pulled Lance into his chest and whispered reassuring words like the reaction Lance just had wasn’t totally ridiculous. It made his heart warm, a shuddered breath escaping him.

“-so sorry Lance,” Keith was saying when he finally pulled away, leading him past the entryway into the living room where the coffee table shone like a shrine with burning candles. 

“The wind blew the power out. I didn’t even think- I’m sorry.”

He moved as if to blow them out, but Lance pulled him away. The softness of the glow cast a brightness in Keith’s eyes and shadows where his bangs hung low. He looked beautiful. There was a quiet calm that came with the intimacy of the dim lighting that felt vastly different from the frantic helplessness that accompanied the flickering candlelight of the night Nathan attacked him.

He wasn’t shaking anymore. In fact he went very still watching the light dance over Keith’s features. The wind picked up outside, carrying with it a gust of warm rain. These, and Keith’s contented sigh, were the only sounds as Lance leaned in to kiss him, tentatively at first with a softness matching the curling candlelight. Keith tilted his head back, allowing Lance to pull him in closer. He followed Lance’s lead, parting his lips when Lance searched deeper, leaning into him when his fingers threading into his hair. When the kiss ended they stayed where they were, noses brushing and eyes closed just taking in the closeness of other.

Lance wanted to stay like this. The storm outside raged on, but the world seemed melted away until all that remained was within this bubble of light. Here he was untouchable, safe in the embrace of the one person who never made him feel like an idiot for feeling the way he feels.

Lance sank onto the couch pulling Keith with him and tucking him tightly to his side. He didn’t even care at the moment that he was still covered in the remnants of work, glitter and dried paint sticking to the couch. Keith said nothing but curled into him, his head resting on Lance’s chest.

The wind howled, rain coming down in heavy drafts on the roof, but all Keith registered was Lance’s warmth, the steady rise and fall of his chest, his heartbeat so close. He wanted to be closer, pulling one leg up over Lance’s thighs squeezing their bodies together until there was no separation. He felt Lance’s fingers in his hair and closed his eyes. They both needed this.

“I’m sorry,” Lance said, staring at the ceiling. He knew Keith understood, but felt he should apologize anyway.

Keith wrinkled his brow. “For…,”

“That- How I reacted. I don’t know why it still gets to me sometimes.”

Keith shook his head. “It’s okay, you don’t…,” he shook his head again as his words trailed off. It went without saying.

“It still gets to me sometimes,” he said when Lance didn’t respond. He traced mindless patterns on Lance’s shirt with his fingers. “Not as bad as it used to. Not as often, but still…”

They were quiet for a while and while Keith couldn’t see Lance’s face, he could tell he was still a little tense. He wanted to fix it- to help him relax. Lance couldn’t suppress his smile when Keith presented him with one of the many mints he had stashed in his pockets at all times.

He took it from its wrapper and into his mouth, tucking it between his teeth and his check and sucking it quietly. Its sharp spearmint flavor was strong enough to fill his senses, pulling his mind out of any thoughts or memories until all he registered was the cold on his tongue and the warmth of his boyfriend.

Neither spoke again. Words were unnecessary, both just wanting to soak up the moment held so close to the other. Both wondering how they got so lucky. Wondering how one saw the ugliness in other, the masses of scars and twisted darkness, and insisted it was beautiful. In the quiet peace Keith found from hearing and feeling the rhythm in Lance’s chest, Keith decided that maybe he wouldn’t mind if they counted this time cuddled together as a date. They stayed there in the intimate embrace, the wind and rain like a hushed lullaby lulling them both to sleep-first Keith then Lance; Lance’s Oceanography flash cards lay forgotten on the coffee table.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Till next time! <3


	27. Comes the Storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stuff happens and I’m a terrible “human” being.  
> This is a dark chapter! Heed the tags and read at your own risk!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are literally so many warnings for this chapter that I’m just going to make a list.  
> Rape/ noncon  
> Dirty Talk  
> Name calling  
> Breathe play  
> Forced erection  
> Sadistic thoughts  
> Implied necrophilia  
> Forced blowjob, sort of. You’ll see  
> Seriously, this gets dark real quick people  
> There are probably more, but I suck at tagging  
> READ AT YOUR OWN RISK! You have my permission to yell at me in the comments. I’m so sorry.

The storms continued for the next few days with short breaks in the rain, but the wind knocked the power out once again after that first night. Lance was glad that Keith gave a positive moment to hold onto in reference to the candles because the second time the power went out, Keith was not there to spend it with him. Had it gone out while he was alone the first time, he wasn’t sure if he’d have been able to stand having the candles burning.

As it was, the second time the power went out Hunk came home from a date with Shay to find Lance on the couch studying by candlelight. He joined him there with his own homework and studies and they had a nice night- productive until a flash of lightning started Lance telling ghost stories.

Well tonight was just as windy and wet as it had been. Lance drove carefully home from a particularly late shift at work; he’d stayed to help the owner of the craft store set up a new display. It was another night that Keith was supposed to come over, but this time Lance wouldn’t have to feel guilty the next day about having forgotten to study his flash cards. He had finished his last final earlier that day and was glad to be done with that round of classes. Keith still had one left, but claimed it was for an easy class- the final would be a piece of cake.

So tonight was going to be romantic- just the two of them. Lance had joked that they should take a walk on the beach tonight as their next dating venture, but with the weather as crazy as it was, there was no way the that walk would be particularly pleasant so they were planning to stay indoors. Maybe watch a movie and cuddle. Hopefully with the power on. Well, Lance wouldn’t mind if it went out again. Spending hours with Keith by candlelight was admittedly an appealing thought. He almost hoped the power went out again.

When he stepped into his entryway, a bit windblown and shaking his hair from the rain, it appeared that the power was indeed out. There wasn’t even a bit of light shining in from the street lamps outside; it seemed the storm had picked up enough to knock even those out. He set down his things on the nearest surface and went to hunt for the lighter he’d been keeping close at hand lately. It was on the coffee table by the candles they hadn’t bothered to put away. He stepped carefully through the dark having had practice navigating the space without relying too much on his sight to do so.

This was perhaps the reason his senses were so heightened and his spatial awareness alert and keen. This was the reason he had just the split second’s warning before something big came barreling into him from the dark, knocking him completely off his feet and the air clean from his lungs.

He landed on the coffee table, whose legs caved and glass surface shattered on impact, leaving him momentarily reeling with pain and the inability to take in air. A heavy weight was settled over him on his chest and his fogged mind took a second too long to register the hot, heavy breath. But the voice that filled the dark too close to his face sent dread and fear searing through his blood.

“There’s my little slut,” it said. There were more quick puffs of hot breath before his mouth was assaulted by another, sloppy and wet, a hand on his jaw parting his lips for a demanding tongue to claim. Lance wriggled against shards of glass to free his arm from beneath him, bringing it up punch and scratch, and pull at the curly locks of hair.

Nathan pulled away with a satisfied growl. “Keep doing that baby. You know I love hair pulling,” he emphasized this by taking a fistful of Lance’s hair and pulling him up out of the mess of glass. All the while Lance was spitting profanities, kicking out at Nathan’s body as he was dragged through the dark and dropped to the floor. He twisted over to his stomach, trying to army crawl away, but that weight was back on him, pinning him down. A thick arm came round Lance’s throat, the hand closing on his shoulder and locking him in place, forcing him to arch his back up off the floor and cutting off his air supply. Nathan’s breath was back at his ear, taking in Lance’s scent like an animal.

“You have no idea how long I waited for you,” Nathan whispered. Lance had barely the capacity to discern these words as he fought to breathe, but the cords of muscle clamped around his neck was too tight to even wheeze. His face felt hot. Pressure was building until his eyelids felt tight, his head heavy, and he could hear nothing of Nathan’s words- only the pulsing, pounding of blood loud in his skull. Then the pressure was retreating so slow and excruciating that it took with it the ability to do anything but gasp like a fish for air. His chest ached and heaved. His face and throat stung with sharp tingles.

As his vision came back in flashes of white over splotches of grays and blacks, he realized he’d been turned onto his back. Nathan hovered above him, thrusting against him and his limbs went cold with fear as he felt Nathan’s hardness against him. When a wet tongue and sharp teeth laved and nipped at his throat he gave renewed effort to struggle.

“GET THE FUCK OFF ME YOU FUCKING BASTARD,” he yelled pushing and punching at Nathan’s face until he pulled away. Meaty fists grabbed at his wrists until Nathan had them pinned over his head, clamping down on the bones painfully in one hand while the other went to open the buttons of Lance’s shirt. When a few buttons refused to release Nathan yanked until they gave, sent flying into the darkness.

The material fell open and Nathan’s mouth was on him again, exploring his chest, biting his nipples until he screamed, and traveling lower. The wet sounds he made at his naval, then lower had Lance feeling sick, trying to buck him away. As Nathan traveled down his body, his weight shifted away, freeing up Lance’s knee to drive between Nathan’s legs. The blow didn’t have nearly enough momentum however and while Nathan did jump away from him a bit, he only laughed conspiratorially.

“Oh-ho ho,” he chuckled. “You almost had me there.” His teeth shone in the dark. “You always were a feisty one,” he said, palming himself through his pants with his free hand. 

“It’s one of the things I love about you.”

“Whatever you do to me will have consequences Nathan,” Lance was panting, squirming under Nathan’s gaze. “Just stop!”

Nathan laughed as he did away with the zipper of his jeans, pulling himself out one-handed. “I’m so past worrying about consequences Lance. Whatever I do to you is what you’ve had coming. These are your consequences.”

Dread twisted in Lance’s chest, fueling him to yank and pull at his trapped hands. “What are you talking about,” he could feel the tendons in his wrists rolling white, hot, and painful beneath the bruising skin. “LET ME GO!” He was kicking at Nathan’s back, yelling for him to stop, but nothing seemed to throw him off.

Tears ran hot down his face when Nathan leaned over him, undoing the front Lance’s pants and pulling him from its confines. Nathan was smiling wide and Lance cringing in shame at his half hard state in his attacker’s hands.

“Don’t touch me,” Lance whimpered. “Please.”

“Already getting hard for me…,”Nathan smiled wider above him as he fondled him. Lance couldn’t hold back the sob when his body began responding to the hand on him. Nathan was muttering things above him, but he didn’t care to hear any of it. He turned his head into the crook of his elbow, stifling a whimper and trying to will away the mounting heat in his lower stomach. He was vaguely aware that Nathan’s hand now encompassed them both, stroking them together.

Lips and teeth were back at his exposed throat, Nathan’s hand moving faster around them as he thrust in time with the pace he set. Lance cringed and hunched one shoulder as best he could to cut off access to his throat without having to turn his face back, but that only spurred Nathan to clamp down hard with his teeth. The spear of pain and disgust jolted Lance’s muscles enough to dislodge Nathan from above him, if for a moment.

He scrambled out from under him, hoisting himself to his feet and started to run as best he could. But Nathan’s hand closed around his ankle, faltering his steps, already impeded by his pants bunched at his thighs. Lance’s weight fell to his hands as his legs were swept from under him. He continued to struggle against Nathan as his shoes were ripped away along with his socks and finally his pants and underwear.

He would have been left in only his open shirt had that not been the material Nathan fisted in attempts to impede Lance from getting away. But when Lance left the material pull tight at his shoulders he knew what was happening and quickly shrugged out of it. He ran a few paces away and went still, realizing that in the darkness of the room, Nathan couldn’t see him and his best bet right now was to go still and quiet.

He stood naked in the dark watching the faint silhouette of Nathan, who brought Lance’s shirt to his nose, inhaling deeply before dropping it to the floor. A deep laugh filled the room as Nathan turned in circles, scanning the shadows for movement. Lance held his breath crouching low. The lower he was to the floor, the lower he was from the height that Nathan was likely scanning, or so he hoped.

“My little slut wants to play games,” Nathan crooned and Lance could just make out the movements of him stripping off his shirt. The hairs on Lance’s body prickled, his eyes opened wide to take in as much light as possible. Lance was frantically mapping out the house in his head, everything from the layout of furniture to where he left his running shoes by the door- any obstacle that he’d need to know about to make sure he stayed silent.

“I’m ready to play babe,” Nathan said scanning around him again, and from the ruffle of sound, kicking away his pants, standing just as naked as Lance and not nearly as vulnerable. They both went still, silent. Both listening for the other. Slowly and carefully Lance started making his way toward the front door. He’d run naked through the streets once before and he would have no objections to doing it again if it meant getting away from Nathan. But as he moved back toward the entryway he realized that it would take too long to undo the lock and slip out. It would make too much noise and give away his position. He would end up trapping himself there, easy prey.

He quickly backtracked toward the hall off of the living room. There were more options for escape that way. But in order to do so he had to sneak past where Nathan stood in about the center of the room. He tried to creep along the wall, avoiding the bookcase along with the overflow of books (and more than a few video game cases) piled on the floor.The carpet masked most of the sound from his bare feet, but Nathan seemed to sense the movement and jerked toward him. Lance felt the air shift as he ducked and crawled away from Nathan’s outstretched hands.

“Mmmm, I can almost taste you,” Nathan growled. Lance had just enough time (and grace) to avoid Nathan’s body completely as he darted away, shivers and adrenaline shooting up his bare spine. The dim light in the room was just the tiniest bit brighter here and Lance hurried to move into the darker shadows. Nathan’s head turned to follow the movement, but Lance crept into another shadow before Nathan could search him out there. He sensed Nathan searching the corners, along the walls.

“Where are you, little bitch?” 

Lance stifled a gasp when his leg nudged a game case at the top of a pile. It made a small pssff sound as it shifted- Nathan stubbed his toe on something at just the right moment not to hear it- but it didn’t fall. Still, Lance chided himself as he made his way closer to the hall painstakingly slow and silent.

A bolt of lightning briefly lit the room. It would have given him away if Nathan had turned just a bit quicker. In its wake the darkness bled like ink around them. Lance was glad for the previous power outages. He could practically see the room as if it were in light even down to the ruined remains of the shattered coffee table he was trying his best to avoid. Nathan’s movements were clumsy, loud in the quiet otherwise occupied only by the wind and rain.

Lance’s breath sounded harsh and loud in his ears. He tried to quiet it, holding it completely when Nathan’s probing in the dark came close to where he hid, crouched by the arm of the couch. Lance sensed Nathan’s hands searched blindly closer, closer, a breath away then shifting elsewhere, away until Lance had room to slowly creep over the arm of the couch, maneuvering to avoid the glass and crawl ever closer to the hallway. The couch dipped under his weight as he shuffled quietly over the cushions.

He remembered the groan the other arm of the couch gave under pressure just before settling his weight there. Instead he set one foot then the other over the front of the couch. Glass diamonds pierced into the soles of his feet, stinging as he stood. He winced at the pain, but the fear and adrenaline in his blood stifled the whimper that wanted to come out. Arching his toes away from the little shards in the carpet he made his way to the hallway.

He felt the air shift as the space narrowed, breathing a little easier as he lengthened the distance between him and Nathan. But the footsteps behind him told him that Nathan was realizing the room was now empty and he too was making his way to the hall. He hurried his pained steps and ducked into first shadow he found to hide himself just as Nathan’s figure appeared at that end of the hall.

Plan, plan, he needed a plan. He couldn’t keep hiding in the dark. He needed to think of a way out of this. Nathan’s hands traced along the walls of the hallway chuckling darkly.

“Laaaance,” he sang. “Come on out my little slut.”

Lance moved further down the hall ducking into the first door he wouldn’t have to move to slip through. It was the hallway bathroom, its blue and white color scheme tainted by the off light. His heart pounded harder as he realized the only way out other than the way he came was through the window. The window that jammed a quarter of the way open and had to be yanked and pried the rest of the way.

“I’m so hard for you Lance,” Nathan’s voice cut into his panic, too close, too close. “I like this game. Very hunter and prey,” Nathan was saying as he came further down the hall, his pace unhurried. “Can’t wait to catch you, make you mine.” 

Lance grabbed the closest thing resembling a weapon- the lid to tank on the back of the toilet, being careful to not let the porcelain clink as he lifted it- and waited with shaking limbs.He came closer and closer. Lance was ready. He could see better here. He had a weapon, ready to smash it over Nathan’s head as soon as he came through the door, but Nathan passed right by, muttering as he went.

Lance wasn’t sure why he didn’t check the room, but gave it no further thought. He had the advantage now; hidden in a dark house he knew well, he could find his way without sight far better than Nathan could. He put the lid down quietly- it being too heavy and cumbersome to take with him if he wanted to be stealthy- and squeezed back through the bathroom door into the hall. He contemplated hiding somewhere Nathan couldn’t find, just wait him out. Call the police or Keith- 

Keith was supposed to be coming tonight. He felt a wave of hope that maybe Keith would show up before Nathan found him. But he would need some way to warn him or he would walk in just as blind as Lance had. He needed a phone- his cell phone; the landline was out. But that was somewhere in the living room alongside his clothes. That would take too long, searching in the dark. He could hear Nathan’s voice calling for him. Getting closer again. He felt naked- well even more so- without a weapon. He needed something- anything to drive Nathan back, keep him away. He needed-

Just as the thought occurred to him, another jolt of lightning flooded the living room in blinding light. And just as Lance had seen Nathan’s silhouette in the opening of the hallway, that burst of light outlined him perfectly.

“There you are my little bitch,” out of the darkness, like a scene from his nightmares, Nathan sprang for him. He had barely to time to sidestep a majority of the blow, but he was still swept again from his feet, landing hard on his side. Nails scraped like claws on his ribs and on his calves as he scrambled to his feet. His room- he had to get to his room!

He no longer cared to stay quiet. He lunged for the direction of his room, hands slamming along the walls of the hallway to catch and direct his adrenaline fueled momentum. He heard a snarl from behind him, heavy footfalls as Nathan gave chase. Too close, too close!

He made it to his room and slammed the door shut, locking it just as it jolted, trying to be opened from the other side. Lance stumbled back, his heart pounding. Nathan was yelling at him through the door, rattling it on its hinges in attempts to get in. That door wasn’t made to keep a freight train out. Or Nathan. He would get through, and soon if he didn’t hurry.

Where did he put it- Where did he put it- Where did he put it- The door made a terrible crunching noise and if he wasn’t in such a state of panic his mind would have supplied the line, ‘Here’s Johnny!’ As terrified as he was, though, all he could think was where did he put that stupid shoe box? It was harder to find it in the dark.

Deciding it was worth the split second it would take, he lunged for his night light. The one on his desk that projected the stars on the ceiling just like at home. It was battery powered and flooded the room in a dim blue light that seemed blinding compared to the previous darkness. He could see the damage to his door- huge cracks and splinters opening wider with every slam from the other side.

Shoe box- shoe box- shoe box! He could see the edge of the adidas shoe box peeking out from beneath a wayward shirt under his bed; tucked away until he figured out how to get rid of it. The door finally gave with a deafening SHTLICCKKK, sending splinters of wood over the floor and a cold sear through Lance’s chest as he fell to his knees at the side of his bed, hauling the box to him. The gun was in his hand and pointed at Nathan’s chest before he even registered the man having moved to within a few feet of him.

And suddenly all was still again- two men, one standing and one on the floor, both naked and panting. One smiling and the other shaking violently. 

“Oh,” Nathan said quietly, a look on his face like he was revisiting a cherished memory. “I remember that little number,” his cold eyes traveled from the gun’s muzzle to Lance. 

“That used to be Jesper’s. I was wondering what happened to it. Guess he paid you a little visit.” His smile grew cruel. “I’ll have to pay him a little visit when I’m done with you.” Nathan took a step closer, the hardness between his legs pointing the way.

“DON’T!” Lance held the gun with both hands now, trying to steady the shaking. Nathan paused, his smile never faltering. 

“You won’t shoot me Lance,” Nathan said. Lance furrowed his brow, not knowing if he could, not sure if he could forgive himself if he did. “Even if you knew I was armed you wouldn’t shoot me,” he went on and in the blue light from his night light, he saw the glint of a knife. Its blade was short, the edge like teeth. It was already red with blood. 

Before Lance could think another thought, Nathan attacked, tackling Lance around the shoulders, cracking his head hard against his bed frame. Nathan crossed a fist over his chest before bringing down hard across Lance’s face, snapping his already ringing head to the side. Blows came again and again, too fast for Lance to register. The pain exploded behind his eyes, deep into his teeth, into his rattling skull. When the attacks finally stopped he was on his back, Nathan once again settled heavily on his chest and his arms pinned to his sides. His hand clamped around nothing- the gun was gone.

And in Nathan’s hand. One hand held the wicked looking knife while he turned the gun this way and that in the other appraising it with approval.

“You know, I came here tonight planning to gut you like a fish,” he said nonchalantly. “But what could be more fitting than shooting you with Jesper’s gun? I mean it’s…,” he laughed. “It’s fucking perfect, but,” his eyes snapped back to Lance as he squirmed and whimpered. “I’m not done with you yet,” he set the knife aside, leaning over him, and pulling at his bottom lip with his thumb.

“I wanted to use your mouth one last time, but,” he shrugged. “I’m not stupid enough to stick my dick in your mouth. I know you’ll bite me, am I right?”

Lance put as much fire behind his response as he could muster, “Yes the fuck I will you fucker.”

Nathan nodded, looking like he wasn’t the least bit disappointed. “Yeah I thought that’s how you’d feel about it. So here’s my solution,” one hand forced Lance’s jaw open while the other forced the muzzle of the gun so deep down his throat that he chocked and jolted, his eyes wide and watering.

The hard edges of the gun scraped relentlessly on the roof of his mouth and against his teeth, the intruding cold of the metal holding the threat that if he did something wrong- moved a certain way or did something Nathan didn’t like, he’d get a throat full of bullet. He shivered and stopped his squirming, afraid to move wrong. Nathan’s smile grew.

“Good boy. Now suck on it bitch. Get it nice and wet.”

Lance sobbed, but reluctantly did as he was told, closing his mouth around the gun like it was a cock, hallowing his checks.

“Use your tongue like a good slut.”

Lance closed his teary eyes, his tongue moving hesitantly along the hard lines. The gun was shoved deeper and he chocked again, but Nathan only let up long enough for him the gasp before shoving it deeper. For a while Lance was aware of only the gun moving in and out, harsh and cold, and relentless. Nathan himself was at the edge of his consciousness until his legs were shoved apart, a finger shoving itself in dry. Lance screamed around the gun, pain shooting up his spine. Nathan moaned.

“I could pull the trigger right now Lance. I could shove this thing down your throat and literally make you bite the bullet. And you couldn’t stop me,” another finger joined the one inside and Lance couldn’t help but struggle, even with the gun in his mouth. “You know what is stopping me though? Stopping me from blowing your pretty little brains all over the floor?”

Through the pain and the blur of tears Lance looked up at his ex- boyfriend. Watery eyes met cruel, cold ones as finally the gun was removed from Lance’s mouth leaving him coughing and gasping. His chest heaved. His teeth clenched against the splitting pain and shame and the fear.

“I want your face pretty when I fuck you,” Nathan whispered and he pointed the gun at Lance’s chest, over his heart and pulled the trigger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *runs away as fast as I can*


	28. Consequences

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little insight to Nathan’s mindset (not that it’s at all justified).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *sneaks in the side door, posts this chapter really quick, and sneaking right back out*
> 
> Not the update you were looking for, but still. This chapter takes place before the events of the previous, over the course of the whole story so far. Not sure if that makes sense, but you’ll see.
> 
> Warnings for this chapter:  
> Rape/noncom  
> Manipulation  
> Homophobia  
> Dark thoughts

It happened so slowly that Nathan wasn’t even aware it had been happening. There was no single turning moment that made him realize it. It was more the sum of all the little things. But mostly, everything had just become so easy with him. It was easy to feel in control, it was easy to manipulate, to be cold or angry; not even necessarily because of something he did, but Nathan loved watching him squirm, flinch, submit. No, it wasn’t something Nathan saw coming. Until suddenly it was so blatantly clear that he wondered how he hadn’t realized it sooner. He wanted in every way to claim and possess Lance McClain.

Nathan Wright grew up in what, at first glance, appeared to be the standard nuclear family. He had his mom, his dad, a younger sister, and a dog he’d named Cassy. They were more than a little well off; his father was the head of a widely respected and acclaimed law firm and his mother was a best-selling author. As a kid he would walk around the house wearing his father’s ties (and on occasion, his mother’s heals) making wild declarations as if they were fact.

That’s what his father said was an important part of being a lawyer. You had to be sure of yourself. You had to be always in control, know your facts, and know how to get others to see things your way. He hung on his father’s every word. He wanted to be just like him one day.

But things in his family weren’t all sunshine and rainbows. The same was true for any family. There would always be rainy days. But it was especially true for his family. And Nathan learned from a young age that there were certain things other kids could do that he could not. He wasn’t allowed to play, not with toys or other kids. It was too loud. Too messy. He learned that he could get just about anything he wanted as long as he held still and stayed quiet.

He hated that he was denied his childhood- the urge to jump, run, howl were always having to be suppressed, singing in his blood and leaving him restless. But doing so helped him learn a few things. One: These rules did not apply to his sister. She had her dolls and her kitchen set- every toy in pink, and could play with them anytime she wanted as long as she kept it all in her room.

It seemed his father didn’t have the big plans for his daughter that he did his son. While his sister was free to go to regular school and make friends and be a normal kid, he was sent to private school and tutoring, extracurriculars that he himself had no interest in, but his father claimed it was never too early to start looking well- rounded for colleges.

The second thing he learned was that being forced to stay still and stay quiet helped him notice things. Things he never would have picked up on until he was much older had he been allowed to act like the kid he was. This applied to pretty much everything, but mostly it applied to behavior. Gestures, expressions, language- the tools to communication that existed both in what people said and how they acted, which did not always tell the same story. He learned how to see when someone was lying, when they were nervous, when they were hiding something. He learned how to school his own expressions to hide these signs he saw in others. He could mask his thoughts perfectly when he wanted to.

But he also learned how to use this skill against others. He knew how to act in different situations to get what he wanted- to get others to think that that’s what they wanted too. Make them think it was their idea. He learned how to control just about anyone around him (aside from his father, who he could never seem to please).

This was especially true when his father found out he was gay. As a teen boy discovering things about what he liked, he was apparently not as stealthy as he was trying to be. His father came across porn on his computer, which would have been perfectly acceptable had it been the vanilla man and a woman missionary version, but Nathan had tried a few of those videos and they did nothing for him. So he had clicked on a video add for a gay porn site, just to see.

And that’s how he found out he wasn’t just into guys, he was into other stuff too- ball gags, whips, cuffs, blind folds; control. He liked the idea of taking someone, having them at his mercy. He could do anything he wanted. No rules to stop him. Whatever urge he had, he need not suppress, but indulge.

He expected his father to beat him, throw him out, something. But instead his father had gone quiet on him. He didn’t speak, didn’t acknowledge him in any way, even under the same roof. And that was somehow worse. His one desire since he was old enough to walk and talk was to please his father- be like his father. He walked the walk, talked the talk, whatever he had to do to make his father happy. Or even just mildly satisfied. He was never happy.

In order to gain back his father’s love and attention, he threw himself into his studies. He was earning the highest marks he’d ever received, praise from just about everyone except the one that mattered. When he was accepted into the Garrison- the best university in the state for law and practice, his father finally came around.

They came to an unspoken agreement: His father didn’t care who he liked or decided to be with as long as he never had to see it and Nathan was to work, struggle, and strive to be the lawyer his father wanted him to be.

So he went to school. He studied, got excellent grades, made connections with the right people. Mostly in an academic/ career sense, but Nathan was still a man with needs. He had a string of one- night stands, ongoing flings, boyfriends. He had a thing for guys with blue eyes. And then he’d met Lance McClain.

He was a fiery blue eyed wonder with a mouth that never shut up and an attitude to match and damn if he wasn’t drawn in. He felt an urge in his blood to take Lance, body and soul- the ultimate challenge: tame the fire. When he got with Lance, he knew to be charming, be romantic. For all of Lance’s quick wit, he was awful naïve. But Nathan couldn’t blame him for that. Nathan was good at getting what he wanted.

He slowly learned how to control Lance like he did anyone else. He knew how to make him smile, how to make him laugh, how to make him nervous, snap, cringe, cry, beg. But as their relationship went on, it was harder to suppress his urges. It started with the need to make him his and only his. 

The marks started small. Just hickeys and then finger shaped bruises- evidence of his claim; this body was his. When other marks appeared Nathan cherished them. They were gorgeous against Lance’s skin. He tested the limits. How many times could he make a new one? How far could he push Lance before that defiance of his sparked up again?

He had no need to isolate Lance from others. Lance would do it himself, wanting to please Nathan- convince him that he was committed. No cheating, no ‘window shopping’.  
Not that Nathan wasn’t actually concerned. He used accusations of cheating to get Lance to do the work for him, but he knew others were interested. The second he’d walked into the room at Lance’s coming out party, he knew Lance’s friend Keith was in love with him. It was in the devastated set of his shoulders, the lost look in his eyes as he tried to act like everything was fine. Nathan knew better. He’d learned to see these things- things others didn’t pick up on.

So yes, he manipulated Lance into isolating himself from other interested men, but Nathan was impressed with himself when he even got Lance to start isolating himself from his own dorky friends. All he had to say was that he wanted to spend alone time with him. Not even to do anything in particular, but just to see what Lance would do. He was very satisfied with the results.

Lance was so perfect for him, only him. Yes, there were things about him that were annoying as hell- his tendency to never stop talking for one. And the touchy feely clinginess. And the childish puns and jokes that never seemed to end. Those were annoying. But he could put up with it because he loved Lance. He loved his blue eyes, his lips, his soft skin, his hips, his thighs, his ass. Especially his ass.

But all of that was ruined when Lance had his nerve to go behind his back and cheat like he always insisted he wasn’t. And for that Lance had to be punished. He had to show Lance that there were consequences for his actions. He had to show him that there was no one else he could be with. No one else he belonged to. He would show Lance that his ass belonged to only him. 

But he got away. He’d slipped through Nathan’s grasp and left him looking a fool. That was unacceptable. During the time between Lance’s escape and his stupid little friends showing up for his things, he’d taken the thing Lance loved most- that junker car of his- and left it in some trashy parking lot. He’d wanted to burn it, take a bat to it, drive it off the pier, but that would have consequences coming back on him if he was caught. Why do the dirty work himself? He’d hoped that the tweekers and gangsters would do it for him, but alas.

However, that’s not all he did. Always one to look to the future, Nathan then took Lance’s keys and had a copy made- under the table of course. You never know when it could come in handy. He knew exactly where Lance was, but Nathan could be patient. Sometimes.

In the meantime, he still had needs not being met and who would be better to meet them but the gorgeous little blue eyed boy on the debate team. As an aspiring lawyer, he took part in the group’s events and activities and that’s where he met Jesper. He was timid and submissive, already fairly isolated since he didn’t seem to have many, if any friends. He was easy prey.

Nathan almost forgot all about Lance. Jesper was a whole new challenge. A whole new level of control that he’d never tasted before. It was thrilling. When Lance so bravely faced him in court, Nathan took the opportunity to show Jesper his true nature and the options he had to escape him- which were none. The distress and depression were delicious. His hopelessness even more so. And Nathan had learned from his mistake with Lance. This one would not get away from him because he made sure Jesper had nowhere to run to. He was trapped in his own home.

When Nathan raped Jesper for the first time he found whole new level of thrill and control. Not from the sex, although that was not to be dismissed by any means. But from the aftermath. He knew Jesper had obtained a gun. He knew why he got it, but he saw the look on Jesper’s face when Nathan forced his legs apart- the light that left his eyes. When Jesper slipped away that night, Nathan knew what he intended to do. And that was where the thrill came in. He had so much control over another, even to the extent that he had manipulated them into ending their own life. How disappointed he was when Jesper returned in the early morning hours completely unharmed.

He didn’t give up though. He had Jesper under his thumb and he made sure Jesper knew it. Lance’s attempt to talk him away at the art gallery was laughable and flaunting his hold on Jesper had been amusing. That changed though when Jesper was whisked out from under him. Yeah he’d arrived at the airport to pick Jesper up late, but he should have waited for him. He wasn’t answering his phone as Nathan drove back to his house and when he arrived, not only was Jesper no there, but the house was empty. The locks had been changed and there was a letter pinned to the door with an address to a storage unit with all of his own things. Jesper was gone. And that pissed him off.

And while he had every intention of finding the little fucker and showing him his place, his attention was drawn elsewhere. The whole court date with Lance had melted down to a misdemeanor. He had to pay a fine. He wasn’t short on money. What he didn’t have, his father paid. He had to go to mandatory anger management classes which only succeeded in pissing him off more, but hell, he got off easy considering.

But that didn’t end up mattering. He was one of the few candidates still in the running for his internship at a law firm upstate- an opportunity for which his father was pushing him. This was the start to building his experience and one day taking over his father’s law firm. He almost seemed to border on pride that Nathan was such a promising candidate.  
But then, days before his interview, he received a letter stating that he was no longer in the running. The firm wanted to invest in a candidate of solid moral standard and his record, while only a misdemeanor, disqualified him from the position.

His father was angry, Nathan knew that. And Nathan was desperate to get back the pride he’d seen so close to the surface. He’d used the connections he’d made while in school to arrange other options. These options of course required extra work. He could do that- stay at the Garrison a bit longer than expected. But when he went to register for his next round of classes there was a block. He couldn’t register for any classes at all. He went to the Academics Office to see what the problem was.

Apparently before each registration period, students were evaluated. Their financial abilities, academic standings, everything was looked over and those who failed to meet certain requirements were no longer accepted to study there. That included criminal history; domestic violence was not tolerated at the Garrison, no matter if it was felony or misdemeanor. Which meant he was no longer a student. He tried applying to other schools, but the ones prestigious enough to meet his father’s standards all came to the same problem.

His father was outraged. In the greatest show of emotion Nathan had ever witnessed from him, his father had declared that Nathan was cut off. From that point forth he was on his own. This left Nathan with few options. But more importantly it meant he had no money and no inheritance, of which he stood to receive millions. An empire of wealth and success gone.

Because of Lance McClain. Because of Lance McClain he now had no control of his life. He had no money, no family, no home, no boyfriend, and no future. Because of Lance fucking McClain. He’d taken everything from him. Well Nathan would make sure he reaped the consequences. The chaos that had become his life left him with one option. The ultimate act of control. He had failed to take Jesper’s life, if by second hand. So maybe he needed to be a little more hands on. He would take a life- cut it mercilessly from his little slut’s body- indulge in whatever urges he had because what did he have to lose?

That was when suddenly all the little things came together into a tsunami wave of hate and want and need for a lanky, Cuban boy with a big mouth and great ass. He was going to claim, possess, and kill Lance McClain. No, he could no longer be content to tame the fire; he needed to snuff it out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lot is said in this chapter about sex, rape, and murder. I want to make it clear that these are Nathan’s thoughts not mine. Sex can be as kinky as you want as long as it’s consensual and safe. There’s nothing wrong with that.
> 
> It goes without saying that rape and murder are not okay, and I don’t know why I feel it’s necessary to make that clear, but writing this made me feel a little dirty (not in the fun way) so yeah.
> 
> I'm hoping to get the next chapter up soon, but I still have to finish it. I'll be working on it. :)


	29. The Silence in the Room

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nathan's pov of what happened in Chapter 27
> 
> aka: The update you guys were actually looking for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The start of this chapter also takes place before chapter 27, but will catch you guys up to that point.
> 
> Part of it is basically a condensed version of everything from Nathan's pov. There's a little extra dialog on Nathan's part of what Lance didn't hear whatever. It is a bit repetitive though so if you want to skip straight to the new stuff read up until 'Showtime' then skip down to the VLD line.
> 
> Warnings for this chapter:  
> Rape/ noncon  
> Stabbing  
> Homophobic comment (ish?) I'm putting it anyway.  
> Attempted murder  
> CHARACTER DEATH!!!!!!!!
> 
> Read at your risk!

Lance’s place was just as he remembered it. Steps leading up to a blue door, some potted herbs and a small cactus perched in the kitchen window, and curtains only half drawn, the light from inside shining through and giving the place a warm glow. It contrasted greatly with the wind and rain, thunder grumbling through the clouds.

Nathan sat in his car for hours watching the place. Lance’s roommate- Nathan couldn’t remember his name- was there for part of that time, but a few hours after dark he left- a tall, broad shouldered girl huddled close to him under his yellow umbrella. The house, he was certain, was now empty.

Still Nathan waited, passing the time imagining what Lance would feel like under him. Imagining the look on his face when he realized he was about to die. The storm grew stronger, lightning splitting the sky. He took this as his signal. He pulled on his jacket to shield him from the rain. He made his way up those steps to the smooth finish of that blue door and with the key he’d copied so long ago, he let himself right in.

Once inside, he took in his surroundings, looking around the house he’d been to only once before. But he didn’t linger. He made his way down the hall and into Lance room. Clearly it was Lance’s room. Its galaxy print curtains and video game posters on the walls gave it away. There were a few framed pictures on his desk. He picked one up easily spotting Lance among the other faces- faces of whom he could only assume were his family.

He tossed the frame into the opposite wall, satisfied with the sound of shattering glass that followed. He did the same with the other framed pictures he found after inspecting each of them. He stopped when he got to one with only two figures in the frame. One was Lance, clearly taking the picture via selfie with a wink and a coy smile. He looked delectable. And next to him, looking a bit awkward like he wasn’t sure how to pose for a picture, was the fucker Lance was with now. The emo bastard he’d been seeing while he and Nathan were still together.

Feeling the need to better express his anger, instead of throwing this frame he let it drop to the floor, crunching the glass and frame beneath his boot. He made his way around the room, tearing down posters, ripping the pages from the books on his desk. He was almost enjoying himself when he heard the front door being opened and closed, the howling wind growing louder then dimmer with the new arrival.

Finally. Lance was here. Nathan sat on the bed ready to greet his bitch with a smile, but the figure that came in the room was not Lance. It was the emo bastard. He froze in the doorway with his eyes wide with shock. Nathan imagined he probably looked about the same before he snapped out of it, having been expecting someone else.

“Awwww am I interrupting date night or did you twinks move in together?” Nathan smirked at the jolt that went through the other’s tense body when Nathan rose from the bed. Good. At least the son of a bitch had the smarts to know Nathan was dangerous. He laughed, taking in the feeling of power that gave him.

“I’m giving you one chance to leave,” Keith said. Nathan grinned.

“Aww come on. I’m having fun. I mean, I was waiting here for Lance so we could have a little fun together, but that doesn’t mean we can’t play till he gets home.”  
Keith pulled a knife from his back pocket. It was nice Nathan had to admit; double edge blade with curves like a woman’s body.

“I said leave,” Keith repeated.

“That’s a pretty blade,” Nathan said, before reaching for his own pocket. “But see I got me one too. And mine has teeth.”

On the last word he lunged across the distance between them, slashing the knife when he got close. But the fucker was fast and dodged away, bringing his own knife down across his forearm. He would have been pissed if the sting and blood it drew didn’t thrill him. He always liked a challenge.

He punched between slashes, blocking blows, dodging stabs, but Keith was doing the same. They were evenly matched. But Keith was smaller, faster- Nathan a bigger target and after exchanging punches and gaining a few cuts along the way, Keith landed a strike with his knife. Not a stab so much as a slice- a deep one cutting straight across Nathan’s stomach. He faltered and in that delay of response Keith followed through with a punch straight to the face.

He fell to his knees, surprised that a kid his size could deliver such a blow. His vision was spotted, a head ache blooming in his temple. Now he was pissed. But he was on his knees. He needed to wait, draw Keith in, before he could strike.

“Did Lance ever tell you, that you were the reason I beat the shit out of him that night,” Nathan asked. He was panting, still trying to blink the spots from his eyes. He needed to buy time and if he remembered correctly from the last time they fought, Keith couldn’t handle Nathan’s words. And he was good with his words.

“I mean I’m sure he told you everything else, but when I had him on the floor, begging me to stop,” he smirked up at the other, “He was being punished for seeing you behind my back. He claimed it wasn’t true, but I knew you loved him. I knew you couldn’t keep your hands off of what wasn’t yours. Even now.”

“Lance doesn’t belong to anyone- he’s a person. And you don’t own him.”

“I don’t now, but I will,” Nathan could see Keith getting angry. He had such a quick temper. So did Nathan, but Nathan could stifle it if he needed to; he could be patient. Sometimes. Like now. He just needed Keith to step a little bit closer. “I’m going to kill him tonight.” That got Keith’s attention. His eyes burned with a fierce protectiveness that made Nathan laugh again. “I’m going to slice him open, unravel his intestines. I’ll fuck him dry and leave him for that idiot roommate of his to find.”

“The hell you will,” Keith said and took that last step Nathan needed- to do what it didn’t matter because quick as the lightning outside, Nathan was on his feet meeting Keith where he stood, his knife stabbing into his abdomen again and again until he had the kid bent over his arm gasping. Nathan grinned at his victory, then rolled his eyes at Keith’s inability to hold his own weight.

His eyes landed on the closet across the room. Oh, the irony. What better place to hide the little gay boy but in a closet. He pulled Keith along. Still giving a valiant effort to throw Nathan off through the pain, Keith grunted when Nathan dropped him mercilessly onto the cluttered closet floor.

“Oh, don’t worry Keithy boy, wounds to the stomach take a while to bleed out- see,” he gestured to the floor behind him where only a small blot of blood stained the carpet tapering off to the droplets leading to the closet where it slowly seeped through Keith’s fingers. “You won’t die yet. Not for a while. I’m hoping Lance gets here soon enough that you’ll get to hear his screams. Wouldn’t that be fun?”

Keith glared daggers up at him and looked about to say something, but it slipped into a moan of pain as he tried to get up.

“Oh don’t do that,” Nathan said, sounding almost like he actually cared. “You’ll aggravate the wounds. Just sit tight, don’t move. The show should start soon.” With a satisfied grin he guided the closet’s slider door closed. The agitation in his blood at having to wait for his slut was temporarily soothed- the nerves born from anticipation were calming. He went back to wandering the room and then the house when he got bored.

He heard the wind pick up even louder, torrents of rain flying sideways with the force of it when the house suddenly went dark. His eyes took a moment to adjust. He couldn’t help but think it fitting. It was as though the universe were setting the tone: stealing away the light from the house intended for sodomy and murder.  
He sat down not so gracefully in the armchair he’d seen behind him moments before the room went dark. His father had done this once- waited in the dark to catch him coming in past curfew. His blood ran bitter at the thought of his father and he frowned into the darkness. He may be here to have his fun, but Lance had still ruined everything for him. Tonight he would pay.

He didn’t know how long he sat in the dark, his anger festering along with the thoughts of taking Lance, controlling him, owning him. In the quiet, the pain of the slash in his stomach flared- his head pulsed. When the door finally opened he was snatched from his thoughts, his pain taking a backseat in his consciousness. His eyes snapping up to where the barest light shone someone making their way inside. He knew that tall, graceful body. Showtime.

Lance closed the door, his steps marching confidently through the dark. Right where Nathan wanted him. He took a few steps throwing his weight and momentum and catching his bitch completely off guard. Through the explosion of broken glass that followed the blindsided tackle, he heard Lance scream then gasp and damn if those sounded didn’t go straight south of the border. 

“There’s my little slut,” he said before plunging in for a dominating kiss, maneuvering Lance’s jaw for better access. He felt Lance struggling, fighting beneath him, pulling his hair.

Nathan pulled away with a satisfied growl. “Keep doing that baby. You know I love hair pulling,” he returned the favor, dragging Lance up as he kicked and screamed. When Nathan released him, he tried crawling away, but Nathan hurried to settle his weight over him pinning him in place. He pulled Lance into a head lock, aching his back beautifully and inhaling his scent. Lance always smelled so good. Today he smelled like sweat and paint and something sweet. It was sharp in his nose, but not unpleasant.

“You have no idea how long I waited for you,” Nathan whispered. He licked and sucked at the lobe of Lance’s ear wishing his could see Lance’s face as he struggled to take in air. 

He imagined those blue eyes watering, his face turning red then darker from lack of oxygen. The thought had him aching in his jeans. “The wait was so worth it though.” He finally released Lance turning him over onto his back so he could see him gasping.

The only source of light was coming from the darkened windows as the storm raged on outside, but it was enough to see just the tiniest bit. He thrust himself into Lance’s groin as he watched the color came back to his prize’s face- the bone deep fear in his eyes as his mind crept back from the edges of unconsciousness. The sight sent jolts of arousal through him. He thrust harder, grinding Lance into the floor as he licked and bit at his throat. 

“GET THE FUCK OFF ME YOU FUCKING BASTARD,” Lance yelled pushing and punching at Nathan’s face until he had to pull away. He couldn’t have Lance impeding the plans he had for that ass tonight. Why hadn’t he thought to bring handcuffs- Real ones? 

He pinned Lance’s wrists above his head in one hand while the other yanked his shirt open leaving his heaving chest out and vulnerable. He licked and sucked and bit, earning gorgeous sounds from his prize. When Lance almost succeeded in kneeing the family jewels he laughed.

“Oh-ho ho,” he chuckled. “You almost had me there.” Lance squirmed below him, making him ache to enter him, but there was too much clothing in the way. “You always were a feisty one,” Nathan said, palming himself through his pants with his free hand to ease the tension. “It’s one of the things I love about you.”

“Whatever you do to me will have consequences Nathan, just stop!”

Nathan laughed pulling out his weeping cock one-handed. “I’m so past worrying about consequences Lance. Whatever I do to you is what you’ve had coming. These are your consequences.”

Lance struggled harder, unintentionally thrusting his hips up to try to throw him off. It only turned him on. 

“What are you talking about- LET ME GO!” Nathan was pleased to hear the tears in Lance’s voice as he pulled Lance from his pants, already at half-mast.

“Don’t touch me,” Lance whimpered. “Please.”

“Already getting hard for me…,”Nathan’s blood surged at the sobs Lance gave. “Such a good little slut getting hard for me. I bet you never got hard this fast from your little emo twink of a boyfriend. You’re not his you little bitch. You’re all mine. And he’s not coming to save you.” He lost himself in the heat of having Lance there, at his mercy. But Lance managed to push him away, slipping out from under him.

That snapped him out of his fantasy. Lance wasn’t going to just hand that ass over, he needed to take it. He snatched Lance out of his escape, tearing his clothes away until he shrugged out of his reach and into the darkness of the room. All went quiet. It irritated Nathan a bit to have his fun postponed, but his blood also spiked at the prospect of finding Lance in the dark- to hunt him.

He was clumsy and loud, he knew, having a hard time searching the darkness and avoiding obstacles. He wished he’d paid more attention to the layout while he was wandering about earlier. But no matter. He’d make do. He didn’t register it immediately when Lance vacated to room, but he did guess that Lance took refuge in the bathroom, purposely passing it to let Lance think he’d caught a break. It was amusing toying with him. It was better snatching that hope away from him, sweeping off of his feet yet again, but Lance was agile and got back up quicker than he expected.

When Lance led the way to his own room, Nathan was torn between frustration that Lance was making this harder than it needed to be and satisfaction. The bastard bleeding out in the closet would be able to hear everything perfectly. Assuming he wasn’t dead yet.  
After getting in and snatching the gun away from Lance so easily it was a bit pathetic, Nathan finally had Lance where he wanted: naked, crying around the gun in his throat, and fingers in that tight ass.

“I could pull the trigger right now Lance. I could shove this thing down your throat and literally make you bite the bullet. And you couldn’t stop me,” Lance struggled against him. 

“You know what is stopping me though? Stopping me from blowing your pretty little brains all over the floor?”

He saw the watery shame and fear in Lance’s eyes. He pulled the gun Lance’s mouth leaving him coughing and gasping. He had that look in his eyes- like he knew he was about to die. He looked gorgeous. He looked downright obscene. He felt himself twitch in anticipation. Now the hunter having caught his prey, enjoyed his feast.

“I want your face pretty when I fuck you,” Nathan whispered and pointed the gun at Lance’s chest, over his heart and pulled the trigger.

VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD

It took Lance a moment to register that the ringing in his ears and the pain shooting through his chest were mere phantoms- a response supplied by his brain to the bullet that never came. He didn’t know why he wasn’t dead, a hole in his chest, and blood everywhere.

For just a second, all he could do was stare up into Nathan’s shock-stricken eyes, his chest aching from his labored breathes before he snapped out of his stupor. Catching Nathan before he’d had time to pull out of his own shock, Lance grit his teeth, bucked his hips just enough to free one arm, and went for the most vulnerable place he could reach squeezing it in his fist as hard as he could.

Nathan shrieked in pain and sat up away from Lance, freeing his other arm to elbow the side of Nathan’s head, rolling them so that Lance was on top. The combination of surprise and pain gave Lance the slightest edge as Nathan struggled to get Lance back beneath him.

But staring down what he thought was to be his death only seconds earlier gave Lance the adrenaline, the courage, the desperation to get out of this alive that he needed to fight.  
He wasn’t going to let Nathan get the advantage again. He used everything at his disposal- his fists, his knees, his lamp, his desk chair- slowly pushing Nathan back, putting distance between them. Until again they faced each other- both bruised, both bloody, one shaking with rage and the other steady with the determination to live.

“You can still leave,” Lance said, already knowing the answer he’d get. “Just walk away.”

“I’m not leaving here until you’re dead,” Nathan’s eyes were hard, though Lance noticed Nathan’s cock wasn’t anymore. “You’ve ruined everything for me Lance. Everything!”

“What exactly did I ruin? Your chance to rape Jesper whenever you want?”

“I have no career, no home! NO FAMILY! BECAUSE OF YOU,” Nathan took a couple steps closer, his finger pointing accusingly. “YOU DID THAT! BECAUSE OF YOU, MY FATHER CAST ME OUT! DISOWNED ME! I HAVE NOTHING!” His chest heaved with heavy breaths. “And it’s your fault.”

Lance tried to answer carefully, taken aback a bit when he saw that Nathan was crying. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. How is any of that my fault?”

“Because you charged me. That misdemeanor cost me my internship. And losing that internship made me lose everything else. I have nothing now- no one to turn to- nowhere to go.”

“I didn’t do that.” Lance said. He didn’t care if it was poking the bear. “I had every right to charge you for what you did!”

“And I have every right to make you pay,” Nathan’s muscles shifted and Lance changed his mind; he hadn’t poked the bear, he’d poked the tiger. And it was getting ready to attack.

“I will defend myself Nathan,” he said, scanning the room for a way out, steeling himself in case Nathan pounced. “I won’t let you kill me. Whatever I have to do to make sure I walk out of this alive- I’ll do it. Please just walk away. Please.”

Nathan stared at him for a long time, the storm filling the silence. Then his eyes softened and cast down to the floor, his shoulders sagging.

“I-I just don’t know what to do,” he said so quietly Lance almost didn’t catch it.

“Just walk away,” he answered just as quietly.

Nathan huffed, “You make it sound so easy. And then what? What do I have left?”

“A chance to start over. Do things differently. Make different choices. You can still make a better life for yourself if you just walk away.”

Nathan looked up at Lance, their eye meeting and Lance knew what was about to happen. It was as though Nathan knew too. He looked sad.

“I have no life."

He lunging forward. Lance lunged too, to the floor where Nathan’s bloody knife lay abandoned and buried into Nathan’s chest. He saw Nathan’s eyes go wide, his mouth opening, but no sound coming out. Nathan fell to his knees for the second time that night. But this time he would not be getting up. He lay with his breath shuddering until the room went quiet again.

Lance had tears running down his face. The silence in the room was stifling. The rush of everything that happened catching up to him, making him shake as he shuffled away from Nathan. He hadn’t wanted this. If he had just walked away… he didn’t know what. He doubted Nathan could have had the capacity to change, but he had to believe there could have been a better outcome than this.

His limbs shook and he stumbled away, out of the room, back down the hall. Numbly he searched for his phone, wanting to call someone. Anyone to come. To help him. He dialed Keith’s number and wiped away some tears and snot as he listened to it ring.

But then a quiet hum came from down the hall, back in his room. He crept toward it, a feeling of foreboding in his stomach. Lance’s heart was pounding again as he registered it as Keith’s ringtone. His body began to ache from his many bruises, sting from the tiny beads of glass still embedded in the soles of his feet as once again he made his way back to his room.

He tried not to look into the center of the room where Nathan lay, but followed the sound to his closet, his movements a bit more hesitant the closer he got. He opened the slider door and felt his stomach drop. Keith was leaning against the wall of the closet, his head hanging against his chest and blood covering the front of his shirt and smeared over his hands and arms.

Lance felt numb as he went to his knees before him, pushed his head back, yelling for Keith, shaking him. But he wasn’t responding. His mind clouded in panic and exhaustion. After everything the night had to offer, he barely had it left in him to take his phone, low on battery, and dial 911.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that happened and I'm terrible. I'm sorry. *runs away again*


	30. Beacon of Red and Blue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At the hospital.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter is not great and the dialogue sucks and I’m sorry, but I’ve rewritten so many times and it’s not getting any better so here.

The events following the discovery Lance made in his closet was a haze of noise, and blood, and dizziness. He felt numb. He felt like the air in the room should have been electrified with his anxiety and fear, yet it felt empty. Dead. He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t gather his thoughts beyond pain, exhaustion, panic. 

Even as others arrived- strangers pulling him away, shining a light in his eyes, asking him questions he couldn’t hear nor answer, as they strapped him to a gurney and carted him away- all he could think of was Keith’s stillness. The blood that didn’t appear quite red in the blue light of his star projector. The slack drape of his limbs as Lance begged him to respond.

Everything became too overwhelming. The screech of the siren, the pounding in his head, the poking and prodding of paramedics. He didn’t fight it when he felt his eyes drift shut and his mind go blank. He welcomed the bliss of quiet. He dreamed of nothing.

VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD

Hunk left his date with Shay feeling all warm and fuzzy from their pleasant night together. His stomach still got butterflies thinking of the kiss they shared before departing. It had been sweet and Hunk was sure he was in love.

His replaying of those moments together were burned away instantly at the sight of flashing lights outside his and Lance’s apartment. The asphalt, wet from the rain still coming down in waves, reflected and glowed like a beacon of red and blue.

Men and women in uniform were making their way inside the open door of their apartment. An ambulance pulled away from their crowded drive way, taking with it a small bubble of flashing lights. A harsh siren sounded over the wind as it flew by. Hunk’s eyes followed it as it passed, panic mounting. He was rushing up the street to the apartment, cursing himself for having chosen to walk in the rain rather than drive.

None of the officers gave him clear answers when he got to the steps. He was only told that he wasn’t allowed inside and that the roommate he was asking for had just been taken off to the hospital. They would not tell him what injuries Lance had. Understandably frustrated, he drove himself to the hospital.

He received about the same amount of information from the lady behind the reception desk and the doctors he stopped and the nurses on the way out for the night. He was begging someone, anyone to tell him something, but they told him to please sit and someone would be out shortly to speak with him.

He tried to sit still and wait. He really did. But the longer he sat, the more he thought up all kinds of terrible scenarios, the more his stomach and throat grew bitter with the need to puke. He called the others, needing someone to be there with him. Someone just as frustrated and aching for answers as he was. Two and a half hours later, when someone finally came along to tell him what was going on, he had an army of anxious people waiting to hear what they had to say.

What they had to say was this: Lance had suffered a concussion, but scans showed his brain had no swelling- a good sign. He had a laundry list of other minor injuries- mainly consisting of cuts and bruises- but the main concern now was moral support. He was still in shock from whatever had happened and needed someone there with him.

Hunk of course volunteered to go. He was led to an elevator and down many sterile hallways before there was a pause as the doctor hesitated to continue. Before letting Hunk into the room she informed him that Lance would need moral support not only because of his shock but also because he would be undergoing a rape kit and the process would be invasive and leave him feeling vulnerable.

Hunk tried and failed to hide his horror. He took a moment to gather himself before entering the room. He hadn’t prepared himself for the dark shroud of bruises marring Lance’s face and throat. He had not prepared himself for the deep purple ring of skin on his neck, recognizing it instantly as teeth marks. However, he had prepared himself for Lance’s tears- stricken with déjà vu as he wiped them gently away as he spoke reassuring words to him.

Saliva was collected from the bite mark at his neck, skin cells and hair fibers from beneath Lance’s nails, swabs from more intimate places in the hopes of finding DNA. Lance couldn’t understand the point. The man who did this to him was dead. He’d killed him. Had he been alive, all this evidence could aid in actually putting him away this time. But he was dead. There seemed no reason other than to prolong and relive the torment.

He knew he should be grateful. Nathan had obviously planned to do far more to his body than what he’d managed to do. But the thought was of little comfort. He still felt humiliated. He still felt dirty. But he didn’t voice any of this. He only let Hunk’s words sink in, and took whatever solace he could in knowing his friend was here for him.

When it was over and they were alone, he built the nerve to ask what he’d been afraid to ask ever since waking up. Where was Keith? Was he okay? Was he still laying limp in the closet, a body just as dead as Nathan? This was another thing Hunk had not prepared himself for. He remembered only now that while he was on his date with Shay, Lance would be staying in with Keith. He hadn’t thought to ask the police or the doctors about him. So he didn’t have an answer for Lance.

This sent Lance into a new wave of distress and tears and Hunk stayed only long enough to reassure him that he would go find out whatever he could. He was past the point of asking nicely. He demanded answers and this time got them much quicker.

He learned that Keith was in surgery, having sustained multiple stab wounds to the abdomen and had lost enough blood to warren a transfusion. The doctor would not say if he had a chance one way or another. He only said that he would inform them if his condition changed. That was too open ended a statement for anyone’s liking.

Hunk wasn’t sure he wanted to tell Lance what the doctor had said since it wasn’t exactly good news, but decided that some news was better than none. He returned to Lance’s bedside to relay what he’d found out and received the opposite reaction than he expected. Lance looked totally and utterly relieved. It quickly became clear that Lance had thought  
Keith was dead. The fact that he was in surgery meant that at least for now Keith was alive. 

The fragments of information were coming together to form an ugly picture and though Hunk knew he was missing a lot of what happened that night, he could venture a guess. He ricocheted from one emotion to another. Fear for his friends. Anger for what had been done to them. Frustration at not being able to do more.

For now he stayed at Lance’s bedside as nurses came in to check on the status of Lance’s concussion- asking him questions, checking the dilation of his eyes, and other small tests- every hour before finally deeming it safe for him to sleep. Hunk was to wake him every hour or so to ensure he didn’t slip into a coma, but he was allowed to finally rest. He protested at first, saying he wanted to know that Keith was okay before he could sleep, but it wasn’t long before he couldn’t fight his exhaustion and fell asleep anyway.

The sounds of the hospital buzzed quietly around them as Hunk closed the curtains on the morning sun. He was glad that Lance was having a chance to rest, however fitfully. That rest was interrupted again and again however by nurses waking him to check brain function, a monitor somewhere nearby blaring loudly enough to wake him, and finally by an officer making his way into the dim room.

Hunk stayed in quiet shock as Lance was forced to recount detail by detail everything that had happened to the officer, who had brought a tape to record his words. It took almost an hour to get through it all and by the end Lance was staring at his hands and Hunk was the one blinking away tears after hearing all the horrific events of the night, even down to the smallest details.

When he was done, the officer made his exit and they were left in silence. Lance refused to look at him although he was trying his best to catch his eye. When another tear rolled fatly down Lance’s face Hunk moved in to comfort him, but Lance pulled away, still not meeting eye contact.

He asked if Hunk could go see if there was any news on Keith. Hunk was reluctant to go, but also wanting to know as well. He left promising that he wouldn’t be gone long. Lance hoped he took his time. For now he just wanted to be alone.

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The early grey hours of the next morning found Lance at Keith’s bedside. Patched up and out of surgery, the doctors said he would be okay as long as no further complications arose. Lance had sat beside him, waiting for him to wake.

He had been a bit annoyed when a nurse came in and told him to move to Keith’s other side; they would need to check on Keith periodically and he would be in the way. The space by Keith’s other side was occupied largely by monitors and machines blocking the spot Lance wanted to sit, so he was forced to stay down by Keith’s feet. From here he couldn’t hold Keith’s hand or see his face as well.

Before being kicked out from his previous spot he’d been studying Keith’s face, gauging if he was in pain, willing those dark eyes of his to open. Being unable to do so from here left little to occupy him and he ended up drifting in and out of sleep draped over Keith’s blanketed feet.

His instincts- still on edge after everything- snapped him back awake when a shift in the room alerted to someone else’s presence- not a nurse. His eyes picked out a figure in a chair a few feet from him. He only relaxed when the faint glow from the hallway lights outlined a messy nest of blonde curls.

“Sorry,” Jesper whispered. “I didn’t mean- I mean, I meant to talk to you, but I wasn’t going to-,” He sighed, “I didn’t mean for you to wake.”

“It’s okay,” Lance answered in an equally quiet tone. He glanced at Keith’s form in the bed to see if he’d woken or moved at all. There was no change that he could see. 

Disappointed, he took a moment to turn back to the other person in the room.

“What did you want to talk about?”

“Well, I know a lot has happened. We’ve been getting bits and pieces here and there, but not everything and- and I had to ask. I know it’s not really my business or anything, it’s just, I have to know if it’s true.”

Lance took note and privately thanked Hunk for not recounting to everyone all the details Lance had been forced to tell. There were obviously things about that night that he just didn’t want everyone else knowing. But that didn’t include Jesper. He was just as involved as Lance was. He had no objections in telling him anything. When Lance didn’t say anything Jesper went on, his voice a little more steady like he’d been dying for the answer. He needed to be sure.

“Is Nathan really dead?”

Lance nodded, then remembered the overall darkness of the room. “Yeah…I killed him.”

He heard the breath Jesper released. They were quiet for a while, until, “Thank you.”

Jesper huffed a humorless laugh before continuing. “I know it’s terrible of me to feel relief for another’s death, but…I’ve been so afraid that he’ll show up and drag me back.”

Lance could understand that, but still, “I didn’t want to kill him. I was only defending myself.”

“I know.” He shook his head. “It’s just, I’ve felt this heaviness, like eyes on me, watching me, even after moving. I know I was just being paranoid, but I’ve been waiting for something terrible to happen ever since getting away from him.”

“It’s not paranoia,” Lance whispered. “He said he was going to pay you a visit once he was done with me. I don’t know how he could have figured it out, but I think he knew exactly where to find you.”

Jesper’s eyes were wide. Lance could see his hand turning something over and over in his palm and knew it was his bullet shell. Which brought up the question, “Why didn’t it go off? Your gun I mean. I had it. Nathan got it and he tried to shoot me with it, but it didn’t go off.”

Lance wasn’t sure he’d asked loud enough because for a second Jesper didn’t say anything. Then he was laughing quietly.

“That’s- wow. You’ve saved my life, what, twice now? At least?” Lance didn’t answer and Jesper went on. “Well, I’m glad I at least got to return the favor.”

“What?”

“The gun was empty when I gave it to you.”

That took a moment to click. “Wha- Well then where are the bullets?”

“With him,” Jesper said, motioning to Keith’s form. “Well, at his dorm I assume.”

Lance was glad he’d been given something to keep his headache at bay.

“I didn’t want to risk somehow getting the gun back from you, so I split up the ammo from the gun. That way even if I got the gun, there’s no way I was getting the ammo from him. I’d have to go buy more and hopefully then I’d have talked myself down.”

Lance looked over at the head of inky hair at the top of the bed, blinking owlishly. The gun had been empty the whole time and Keith had the bullets. That could have turned out bad if the gun had ended up being his last defense, but in Nathan’s hands, his mind was reeling with relief that Jesper had taken the extra precaution.

“I’m glad you’re both okay,” Jesper whispered, then, “Are you going to be okay?”

Lance took a moment to think things over. He knew that this wasn’t over. They would both need time to recover from more than just their wounds. And Lance couldn’t just ignore the fact that he’d killed someone. He didn’t want the others to look at him differently for it, but honestly he looked at himself differently. He still wasn’t sure how to process any of this and right now he just felt lost. 

“Yeah, I’ll be okay,” he said, and though he wasn’t sure how true that was, he was sure it would be better when Keith woke up. All of Lance’s worries always seemed smaller when Keith was there.

He didn’t immediately notice when Jesper left the room, leaving Lance to watch over Keith’s sleeping figure in silence. Once he did notice, he watched the shadows of people in the hall pass, then turned back to Keith, squeezing his ankle and wishing he could reach his hand.

“We’ll be okay,” he whispered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just to be clear, I’m counting Lance as saving Jesper’s life once by taking the gun from him so he couldn’t use it on himself and once for stopping Nathan from “paying him a visit,” since that absolutely implied that he intended to rape and murder him too.
> 
> Till next time!


	31. Peanut Butter Toast and Jello

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You can all relax now. Keith lives! :O

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo guess who has wifi again?!!!!!
> 
> hint: It's me.
> 
> So hello everyone and I’m so sorry that it took me so long to get this chapter up! I have no good excuse. Anyway, we all know how waking up in the hospital will go, so before we get there, how about a flash back from Baby Keith? Okay, he’s not a baby. He’s five in the beginning of this chapter and then transitions back to where we left off last time. Let the feels ensue!

The night was not particularly cold, yet a shiver still passed through the child’s small form. He could not suppress the shaking in his hand as it clutched at a bar at the top of the staircase looking down into the room below. It was lit only by the glow of the TV, showing some late-night infomercial on mute.

That feeble amount of light shown bright on the beer bottles that littered the floor like empty shells. It cast the room in ever-shifting colors and hues as the program progressed silently from one frame to another. That light also illuminated the figure of a man sitting in an arm chair facing the TV. His head was bowed onto his chest. He snored quietly.

The boy let out a breath he’d been holding. He sat on one step and let himself down the stairs, moving first his feet down one then following with his sore bum, scooting down until he’d reached the bottom. All the while he was careful not to settle too much weight on his injured ankle.

At the bottom of the steps he peered over at the figure in the chair. The man’s snores still sounded quietly. He rose slowly to his feet and limped his way into the kitchen. Having done this a few times, he didn’t need the overhead light on to know where he was going. He knew to step around the pile of envelopes- some yellow, others red- that dad dropped onto the floor on his way in from work. And he especially knew to avoid the overflowing bin of bottles and cans by the trash.

He would have been too nervous and sore to come down at all if he weren’t so hungry. He’d tried to ignore the ache in his stomach that almost burned with its insistence. But, even after the terror and pain he’d felt only hours before, that had sapped away most of his energy, he couldn’t ignore the rumbling in his tummy. He opened the fridge as quietly as he could. It hushed open, a sigh of cold air puffing out and the dirty light inside coming on. He stood for a moment, looking at the fridge’s equally empty contents.

When mom was here, there would have been bright red apples in the produce drawer. A few cups of applesauce and jello on the second shelf. A carton of eggs, two gallons of milk, his favorite fruit juice. He used to get a stick of string cheese and a granola bar when he came down for a snack.

But now the fridge’s contents were geared towards things that held little interest for a child hungry from not having dinner. Things like beer, and scotch, whiskey, half eaten leftovers from various fast food chains that had been there longer than they should have. The foods that were there were on the verge of going bad if they had not already spoiled- as the milk clearly had, based on the sour smell.

He heard the steps behind him just before the overhead light came on, momentarily blinding him. He whipped around to see his father standing in the mouth of the kitchen, his hair at odd angles and bags under his bloodshot eyes. A little unsteady on his feet, the man eyed the child as he rushed to close the door of the fridge.

“Keith, what’re you doin’ out of bed,” he asked. He was only half aware of his slurring. He kicked a stray beer bottle out of his path as he walked toward the fridge, his son flinching out of the way as he drew close. He fished out a fresh beer and downed a gulp or two before he noticed the boy still standing there. He still hadn’t answered him.

“I asked you a question Keith.”

“I- I was just hungry,” the boy replied, his bangs falling into his big eyes. He made a note to take him to a barber soon. His hair was getting too long.

“Oh. Well then grab a cheese stick and get up to bed. You have school tomorrow.”

Keith licked his lips nervously. He was waiting for a repeat of his earlier beating. The delay was making him anxious, the throb in his ankle and ribs becoming more persistent. “We don’t have any more,” he whispered.

His father reopened the fridge, looking at the contents with bleary eyes. “I’ll have to tell your mother to go shopping.” Keith’s heart froze. His mother, she had left them months ago. But somehow in his sleepiness and probably drunkenness, his father had conveniently forgotten this detail. The thing that had changed everything. Keith of course was too young to understand why this happened, only that he couldn’t trust it. He kept his guard up, waiting for his father to drop the act, to start hitting.

Then the man looked back at Keith and he suppressed a jolt of fear. He didn’t used to be afraid of this man. He had every reason to be now. His stomach was growling. He knew his father could hear it. 

“Go sit down. I’ll make you something,” he said. Keith didn’t move. This was a trick. It had to be. He didn’t trust himself or the other in the room to move without breaking whatever spell had taken hold. But then his father looked at him expectantly and he rushed to do as he was told.

“What’d you do to your foot,” the man asked as he limped to the couch.

Keith looked down at his ankle. It was swollen and pulsing. The previous hours of hell came back to him a blur of pain and fear. He still didn’t understand why his father was acting like he didn’t know how it happened or that mother was long gone. But if his father wanted to play pretend then he would too.

“I-I sprained it on the stairs,” he said. It wasn’t a lie. He just left out the part about his father being the one to push him down those steps, then lunge upon the boy with one kick after another. 

“You need to be careful on those stairs Keith,” the man said and Keith nodded, then remembering that the man had his back to him now he said, “Yes sir.”

Keith sat in silence watching the man in the kitchen. He loved his father. So, so much. The fact that he beat him every now and then was new and a fear Keith had never previously known toward his father had settled in his chest, but he still had love in his heart. He wanted whatever was happening right now to last.

He missed his father a lot. The kind man who let him piggy back on his shoulders so he could touch the reddened Fall leaves; the proud man who would marvel at every one of his tiny achievements like they were the most amazing things in the universe; the brave man who would tuck him in at night and swear there was nothing in the dark to be afraid of.

Nowadays it wasn’t monsters in his closet that he feared. He was still shaking a little as the man turned back to him with a plate of peanut butter toast in one hand and his beer in the other, an ice pack tucked under his arm.

“Eat up and then get to bed. And here,” he took the ice pack and used a dirty shirt off the floor to tie it tight around Keith’s ankle. He did as he was told, keeping the other always in his line of vision. As the hunger pains in his stomach went away, so did his shaking. He replaced the crusts to the plate before looking directly at his dad and asking what he’d been afraid to ask since his mother walked out on them.

“Dad? Do, do you still love me?” Barely a whisper. He hated how scared his voice sounded and for a moment he was afraid that he’d broken whatever spell had fallen over them because suddenly the man lunged for him. He whimpered and flinched back, but stopped when he realized his dad was hugging him.

“I’ll always love you Keith,” he pulled away keeping his hands on the boy’s bruised, aching shoulders and looked him in the eye. “Don’t you ever doubt that.” His drunken stupor allowed him to miss the way his son was shaking again or how his eyes shone with tears he refused let out until he was back in his room where only his alien posters could see him cry.

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It hadn’t been a particularly good memory. But it wasn’t a bad one either. Keith wasn’t sure why it was flitting through his mind as he woke up or why he could swear he tasted peanut butter in his dry mouth as the memory quickly faded away, the smell of beer replaced with a different kind of alcohol. A clinical one. An equally familiar one.

He knew he was in a hospital bed before he opened his eyes. He could hear the heart monitor beeping somewhere to one side along with the quiet hustle bustle of nurses and patients in the hall. The light was thankfully dim. He noticed a tray of food near him. Just a bit of water and a jello pack. He smiled. He loved jello. But as he scanned the rest of the room, he noticed something he loved more.

Lance of course had to be asleep. At his feet. He tried to lean forward or kick out. Something to wake him up, but a dull throbbing in his abdomen stopped that quickly.

“Lance. Lance!” He didn’t stir. Keith huffed, then eyed the jello pack. He picked it up, considering it for a second, then chucked at his sleeping boyfriend. Lance sat up with an ugly inhale bordering on a startled snort or sorts. His hair was a mess, his eyes dull from sleep, and a bit of drool crusted on his face. 

“Wake up,” Keith said. He was not pouting.

Lance looked from him, to the jello, and back again with an incredulous look on his face. “Did you just throw your jello at me?”

Keith suppressed a smile, “Well you were way down there. Why are you way down there? And…and also, can I have that back?”

“No! You just threw it at me! I think that means it’s mine now! And after I went to all the trouble to get it for you! Do you even know how long I’ve been sitting here waiting for your ass to wake up?” He paused in his rambling then abruptly looked back at Keith, jello forgotten as he shoved his way past the machines, not caring if they poked uncomfortably into his back. 

“Holy crap Keith you’re finally awake! I feel like it’s been forever that we’ve been waiting for you to wake up. And when I saw you in the closet I thought you were dead!” Lance was draped over the side of the hospital bed, burying his face in Keith’s hair. He wanted to pull Lance into the bed beside him, but the dull throbbing in his gut was becoming less dull and he didn’t think he could pull it off right now.

Lance apparently had the same idea though because he swung his legs up, positioning himself carefully and kissing Keith’s chin and cheek and lips. The heart monitor recorded Keith’s approval. The scowl they received from the nurse who came running in to check on him marked her disapproval.

She scolded Lance down, checked Keith’s vitals, and upped his dose of pain meds before frowning her way back out the door and Lance replaced himself to Keith’s side on the bed. Lance relayed to Keith all the doctory stuff about his injuries. Keith was only half listening. Okay, he wasn’t listening at all. Which was made clear when Lance asked him something and Keith was too busy lacing their hands together and staring lovingly at the freckle on Lance’s pinky to have noticed.

“Come on Keith, I made them repeat this like three times so I could get all the fancy wording right and you’re not even listening,” Lance absolutely was pouting.

“Sorry Lance, it- it’s just…,” Keith bit his lip before continuing. “I could hear him hurting you. I knew when you got the gun that it didn’t have any bullets and I was so scared for you.” He held Lance’s hand tighter. “And I couldn’t do anything. I tried to get up, but I ended up just passing out. I didn’t know…,” he knew he had tears in his eyes only because Lance wiped them away.

“Hey, I’m here. You’re here. We’re both okay. We’re gonna be okay, alright?” This time Lance could actually believe his own words. It wouldn’t be easy and they had a lot to work through, but they’d be able to do it because they had each other for support.

Keith nodded as curled in closer to Lance. Lance didn’t have the energy or heart to tease him for it. It wasn’t like he didn’t want to cuddle too. This close they could feel the other’s heartbeat; Lance had the added benefit of hearing Keith’s on the monitor, but Keith laid his head on Lance’s chest.

He needed to hear the thu-dud, thu-dud, thu-dud himself. He needed to hear it and feel it and marvel at the fact that Lance was alive and in his arms and that was all that mattered. Everything else he could deal with when the time came, but for now this was all he cared about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cuddles are the cure. Spread the word. Let there be cuddling throughout the land. And the universe. And infinity. And beyond, because I can’t resist a Disney reference. Okay I’m done.   
> So there are only a couple more chapters before this story is done! :O  
> Till next time! :)


	32. Dirty Hands

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance and Keith help each other recover. Also Lance has a conversation with his momma.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here’s another one for you! Hope everyone is well. :)

One would not think there was an upside to being stabbed. In many cases (probably most) they would be right. But they would be wrong, at least in this particular case. Keith discovered that there were several things about being stabbed that he couldn’t bring himself to complain about.

One of those things was that he didn’t end up having to take that last final. Sure in the grand scheme of things, he would much rather take a test than take a knife multiple times to the stomach, but hey at least his professor took pity on him and let him skip it. He knew of certain professors elsewhere on campus that would not have taken the same pity. So there was that.

Also, he was never one to do well at the center of everyone’s attention, but this time he could make an exception. Lance and Shiro were the ones most guilty of babying him through his recovery. He usually wouldn’t care for such treatment, but honestly Shiro was no more doting and protective of him than was on a normal basis. He would never ask Lance to be as THERE as he was, but Lance was anyway. 

When he struggled to pack up all the things in his dorm because his pain killers weren’t quite doing it for him, Lance was there to help (and somewhat take over) in packing away all the things he’d worked so hard and stealthily to put up. The room itself of course belonged to the campus, but all of the things Lance put there to mark the place as Keith’s would go with him to his new dorm next semester. So the gesture still stood.

They had talked about moving in together somewhere off campus since Hunk was thinking about moving in with Shay and Lance would need a new roommate, but they decided that they didn’t want to rush things. As great as they thought it would be to move in together, they were comfortable with the pace they were at and for now that was fine. Lance also made a terrible joke about not being able to get homework done if he had a constant boner.

For a minute there Lance and Matt were plotting to rent an apartment for next semester, which was a scary thought for everyone. Hunk made the executive decision to not allow this. He was in no hurry to rush things with Shay either, so they postponed moving in together too in favor of Hunk stopping two of the biggest children in the group from joining forces. Someone had to be the responsible one.

Lance was also much more liberal with his touch. Nothing overly X-rated, but more casual touch. The kind of touch Keith didn’t know he craved so much until Lance gave it more freely. It was common to see Lance with his arm around Keith’s waist, or looped with Keith’s when they walked. Yes, sometimes this was to help support Keith’s weight when his muscles became tired or sore, but Keith still relished the closeness of it. The clear expression of support and affection that didn’t need words.

Another positive thing was discovering Keith had a kink for being kissed on his abdomen. They didn’t discover this until much later when the stab wounds were completely healing and scarred over, and Lance went to kiss them in apology for receiving them on his behalf. Upon making this discovery however, Lance was sure to take full advantage of it. That is, until Keith hungrily took over and Lance- both figuratively and literally- laid back and basked in the glory of what he’d done.

But of things were not easy by any means. With the positive things that came from that night, there were also negative. He and Lance both struggled with eating, both for very different reasons. Keith was still recovering and sometimes eating was difficult. He had to start out small, and he had fallbacks, but he was working through it.

Lance had developed a fear of things being in his mouth due to the gun that had been forced down his throat. This of course affected his ability to eat. Again. He was beyond frustrated at having to do this process all over. In all honesty he might have given up trying had Keith not been there to make sure he was eating. But they were both supportive of the other, and being able to progress (and occasionally regress with someone who understood) helped them get to a point where they were both back more or less to normal.

Lance was not afraid of the dark! Or so he said. It was true so long as he had a nightlight at the very least. And even so, he hated being alone in the dark. He once had a panic attack in the middle of the night. It was the last night that he and Hunk were to stay in their apartment. After it was deemed okay by the police for them to return, Lance was reluctant and no one could blame him. He stayed with Keith for a few nights before he gave in and went back for the sole purpose of packing.

The apartment manager had recarpeted. There was no blood stain to indicate where Nathan’s body had been or where Keith had been slumped bleeding out in the closet, but he could feel it the way one feels a breath on the back of their neck. He wanted to prove to himself that he could face it. He could stay a night, just one night, in this room. He didn’t need a nightlight (it had been packed anyway).

Everything had been put in boxes save for their sheets and a few other essentials and they would be moving back home the next day. But in the middle of the night, Hunk was woken by a terrible scream and Lance pounding on his bedroom door. The empty apartment echoed his distress. After much comforting, Hunk was finally able to get Lance talking. He’d sworn he’d heard someone else in his bedroom- someone breathing, someone gurgling.

It wasn’t hard to figure out who that was supposed to be. Lance was struggling the most with himself. He never thought of himself as a violent person. Hell he worked with kids, and adoring ducklings, and wore tutus. How could someone like that also be someone who took a life? It made him feel dirty. It made him feel unworthy and it’s not like that wasn’t a problem he’d already had trouble with before all of this.

The fact that the police deemed it self-defense and didn’t charge him with anything and the fact that the Garrison took this to mean he was still allowed to study there only made it worse. When he finally went home for the few weeks he had before the next semester started, he knew he wasn’t feeling at his best, but he needed to put on a brave face. He absolutely could not let his momma or anyone else in his family know anything of what happened.

But parents are often smarter than their children give them credit for. It was the weekend and his family had taken a trip to the park. Gabby and Anthony were played soccer in the shady grass while Mateo built a castle in the sand box nearby, his papa tying the label of a water bottle to a stick to act as its proud flag.

Lance sat with his momma at a picnic table watching their loved ones, both smiling, although one smile was genuine, while the other was a bit forced. That was when his momma turned to him, her eyes more serious.

“Conejito,” he looked to her and mildly panicked. She had that look on her face that she always got when she wanted the truth. He gulped. “You haven’t been yourself since you returned from school.” She didn’t voice her question. She didn’t have to. Lance knew what she was asking.

“I’m fine momma. Better than fine, I’m great,” and he flashed a big smile that could fool anyone but his mother.

“Is this about Keith, mi Niño? Did you have a fight?”

“No momma, Keith is great. We’re fine. I swear.”

She eyed him closely, then went for the tactic he knew she would, but worked anyway. It worked every time.

“You used to tell me everything, Conejito,” she took his hand in hers. “I want to know why my boy is unhappy.”

“I don’t want to tell you,” he said honestly.

She stared at him and he dropped his gaze to the ground. “Okay,” she patted his hand, “You don’t have to if you don’t want to. But I am always here for you if you do.”

That cracked Lance’s resolve. Of course his momma would be there for him. She was always there for him. But she couldn’t do that if he didn’t let her.

“I’m ashamed,” he said. Ashamed that he’d allowed himself to be in an abusive relationship. Ashamed that he didn’t even attempt to leave until he was already hurt. Ashamed that he’d killed him abuser.

“Tell me and I will listen.” So he told her everything. From the way he and Nathan broke up, to the court date where Nathan got exactly what he wanted and Lance nothing but misery and humiliation. He told her about Keith, and Jesper, and the gun, and how Nathan showed up that night. He told her (without going into too much detail) about what Nathan had done to him. About what he had done to Nathan. He was in tears by the end of it. So was she.

The park was bright and full of laughter around them and all Lance could think was that he didn’t deserve to laugh like them. Not after what he’d done. He half expected his momma to be angry with him. After all, he had kept many secrets from her. And she hadn’t raised him to be a murder.

The first thing she did was hug him and kiss his forehead. He felt unworthy of even that.  
He found himself hissing out a sour laugh. “Why aren’t you yelling at me? You should be kicking me out. Disowning me!”

“I am proud of you for being so brave.” She looked at him closely. He furrowed his brow, a tear streaking down his face. “It must have been so hard dealing with all of this by yourself.”

“I wasn’t by myself. I had my friends. I had Keith.”

“Then I owe them a lot.”

“But momma,” he was tearing up harder. “I killed someone. I-,” he looked down at his hands like they still had blood on them. He shouldn’t touch his momma’s hands with his. But she took them in hers again and held them tight when he tried to pull away.

“Would you have done it if he had chosen to walk away?”

“No.”

“What if you had known what he had done to Keith?”

Lance blinked. Of course had he already known that Nathan had stabbed and left Keith to die in the closet he would have been angry. Beyond angry. But enough to kill him?

“No.”

“And if you could do it over, and everything were exactly as it had been, would he have let him kill you?”

“No!”

“And see, that’s the difference Conejito. You didn’t kill him because he hurt you, or because he hurt Jesper, or because he hurt Keith. You did it as a last resort and only to defend yourself. He was a sick boy. He needed help. But you didn’t kill him in cold blood. You are not a murderer. You are my boy and I won’t apologize for being glad that you are here and he is not.”

Anthony gave a triumphant cry from nearby as he successfully performed a soccer trick he’d been working on for a while. Lance watched as he then turned to teach the trick to Gabby whose interest turned quickly elsewhere when she noticed a ladybug in the grass. He could also see Mateo now digging a moat for his castle while his papa squinted in the sun, clearly curious as to the conversation he and his momma were having.

He couldn’t imagine missing any of this. He missed enough of it when he was at school, but he also couldn’t imagine the despair his family would fall into if instead of coming home from school in Blue, he come in a hearse. His family would definitely not be here smiling and laughing and playing. His momma would be broken. His papa would be crushed. His siblings lost. He knew he thought low of himself often, but his family did not. He was important to them and they were important to him.

He supposed that, if nothing else, he would not apologize for living either. He would carry his guilt with him always and sometimes it would get the better of him, especially late at night. But he loved his family, and his friends, and his boyfriend, and his life. And he would not apologize for not being done with them. He had a whole lot of life left to live so he would not apologize for living it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn’t write it in without it sounding really dumb so the rape kit that was taken at the hospital was used as evidence toward Lance’s story of self-defense.
> 
> Also holy crap guys, there’s literally only one more chapter before this story is done! What the heck! I’m almost reluctant to finish it. JK I totally will, but that’s just crazy to me.


	33. Cicatrix

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Moving on is hard. But not impossible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright! We have officially come to the end! I hope you like the last chapter of this fic! I will likely be going back to correct any mistakes I made throughout, but other than that, thanks to all of you for your encouragement! It really does mean a lot.
> 
> The only warning I can think of for this chapter is homophobia. I only included that bit because it was starting to seem too gushy mushy with Lance’s family. It felt necessary to acknowledge that not everything is perfect within family dynamics (which we’ve already sort of delved into in previous chapters). I didn’t focus on it much though because that’s not really the purpose of this story.
> 
> That having been said, I will shut up so you can read. Enjoy! :’)

Returning home from the Garrison after everything that happened… so much had changed. The normalcy of being home felt ironic and out of place as a result. After Lance’s talk with his mother, he was able to find the strength to set aside his guilt for various periods of time. The support of his mother helped him to maintain that sense of worth. Seeing his boyfriend helped to reinforce it. Keith came over to visit twice during the few weeks before heading back for school.

The first time, Lance was humiliated. His momma showered Keith in attention and gratitude and Lance wanted hide his head in a [worm]hole from how over the top she went. Lance was glad that his momma kept their conversation in the park to herself as he’d asked. But that meant her behavior was even more extreme to everyone else, who wondered why suddenly Keith was being treated like a King at the McClain house.

Keith was all blushes and humility and embarrassment in face of it all and Lance could only find him adorable. After becoming accustomed to Mrs. McClain’s obvious adoration of Keith, the rest of the household continued as before. Everyone loved him.

Well, not everyone loved him. The second time Keith came to visit, Lance’s older siblings Adrianna and Miguel came over along with their own families. It was a bit overwhelming for Keith. He wasn’t accustomed to meeting so many people for the first time. And he wanted to make a good impression. The approval of Lance’s momma was huge of course, but Keith couldn’t help but want to be liked by these people. They were Lance’s family after all. He’d grown up with them.

Adrianna liked him well enough. She said she liked the way he blushed, which only made him blush more. She had the same easy smile as Lance and the same blonde tipped lashes. Her eyes, not quite the same blue, were always warm. He liked her.

But Miguel was another story. He didn’t outright ignore Keith, but he made no effort to talk to him. Which was fine; there were plenty of other people here to mingle with. Too many people at some points, but Lance always seemed to know when he needed a step back from all the new faces.

But throughout the visit Keith kept finding himself trying to talk to Lance’s older brother. He’d heard so much about him from Lance. He knew Lance looked up to him. He couldn’t help wanting to meet him. That’s when the neutral indifference turned to cold avoidance. Keith was not usually one to try to start a conversation, so when Miguel flat out refused to speak with him, he was a bit thrown off.

Tension grew until Miguel was approached by his momma about his behavior. Then there was a blow out that Lance wished Keith (and his siblings and nieces and nephews) hadn’t heard. It was some argument about it being a family event and that Keith, not being family, shouldn’t be there. It was annoyance at his mother for her favoritism of Keith and some other nonsense. There were undertones of another argument that went unspoken.

But Lance knew it for what it was: disapproval in his choice of partner. Or rather the gender of that partner. Lance knew he would have no issue if he had brought a girl home. There were many things about Miguel that Lance looked up to: his humor, his sureness of self, his determination to stand for what he believed. But he still had faults and one of them was his inability to accept Lance as bi.

And there was little Lance could do about that. He’d tried talking to his brother about it, but in the end decided that, for now, their relationship was more important to him than trying to convince him that there was nothing wrong with being attracted to either gender. It still stung though. More than he’d care to admit. In every other sense, Miguel was a great older brother, but right now Lance was just angry with him, hurt that he couldn’t understand.

He reassured Keith that Miguel’s objection to him was nothing personal, that he didn’t need his approval anyway. Keith told himself that Lance was right, but on some level he was still a bit upset that he didn’t have the approval of someone Lance loved so much. Then again, he couldn’t please everyone. The thought of trying to was just exhausting.

VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD VLD

As much as they had enjoyed their time home, Lance and Keith were both happy to see more of each other when they returned for school. Lance and Hunk found a new apartment that held none of the terrible weight of memories that the old one had. Lance was sure to have a night light in his room, the hallway and the bathroom. Hunk also bought one for the kitchen for when Lance made his midnight snack trips.

Keith was in a new dorm on campus and was settling fine. He found it strange to feel that he actually could. He hung the red curtains in the window, hung his My Chemical Romance, Adam Lambert, cryptid, and Area 51 posters. Shiro seemed to have knack for finding gadgets Keith liked; first having bought him his pocket watch with its exposed gears and now finding him a steampunk clock that almost looked like Saturn if you squinted.

He hung that on the wall with satisfaction. Then he set up his telescope on his desk by the window. He’d never bothered taking it with him to the dorms, knowing he would only be staying there temporarily, but Lance helped him to be comfortable in his own space and his telescope was a comfort. He loved watching the stars and planets through it. He was also absolutely trying to see if he could spot a UFO.

Settling in before classes for the group was easy enough. They did their usual rituals of movie nights and beach visits in the days leading up to the start of the semester’s next classes. The hours were slow and leisurely. There were only heavy weighted glances Keith and Lance’s way to indicate anything had changed at all in their dynamic. That and the addition of a new member.

Jesper was valiantly trying to teach Hunk how to play the guitar and could often be found babbling excitedly with Pidge about various projects. The spark of light in his eyes made an appearance from time to time. It was something they’d never seen before, but were seeing more often and hoped to see more in the future. Overall the whole group were getting back into the swing of things rather quickly.

But the thing that settled Lance the most was his beach date with Keith. They went just before sunset. The sky made for a pretty view, a few stars making an early appearance amongst the soft pinks and blues. The colors swirled together in the clouds as the sun made its decent into distant waters.

The waves rolling and sighing along the sand. They walked barefoot. Hand in hand. The stars twinkled at them as the blues in the sky turned darker. Lance loved the beach equally at any hour. There was always something amazing to see. But Keith loved it the most at night. Partially because it was usually empty and therefore more private- more intimate. 

But it was mostly to do with the fact that a majority of the ocean’s life came awake at night. There was so much happening out there below the surface; things they would never knew about. Things that would live forever in mystery. He got chills thinking of the possibilities the ocean and the universe held.

They sat on the sand watching the waves, watching the stars. They hardly spoke, but they scarcely needed words. Keith leaned into Lance’s shoulder. Lance lay his cheek in Keith’s hair. Beneath the open sky and endless eternity beyond, they felt small. For hours they stayed this way, content to simply exist with the other at their side.

Lance was the first to break that silence when they did finally leave the beach. Keith sat in Blue’s passenger seat watching the late night store fronts pass. Lance eased Blue into a comfortable coasting speed on the overall deserted street. He glanced over at Keith a couple times before he had to ask.

“Do you think everything will ever be normal again?”

Keith’s bangs swept into his eyes as he turned away from the window then looked down at the dash. He shrugged one shoulder.

“Things seem normal enough to me.”

“Yeah, everyone tries to act normal. But they all look at me different. Hunk and Jesper know more details about what happened than anyone else, but they all know I killed someone. But no one has said anything about it and sometimes I feel like I’m going crazy with all the things they’re not saying.”

Keith didn’t say anything. Blue’s hum accompanied the space of silence.

Lance sighed heavily. “I don’t know if I’d rather just try for normalcy and act like nothing happened or just make them come out with whatever it is they have to say. Maybe it’d be easier if they did.” He feared so much that the others’ opinions of him had changed in the wake of all of this- the abuse, the assaults, the killing. Some part of him knew they wouldn’t blame him for any of it, but that’s the thing about doubts and inner demons- they whisper things in your ear, in your head until their voices grow and scream and even your rational mind can’t ignore them. After so much of all that noise, it’s hard not to become overwhelmed and start believing those demons.

“I think-,” Keith swallowed hard. “It wasn’t just you, or Jesper, or me that was affected by all this. Our friends and family- they all feel it too. We’re not the only ones healing Lance.” Keith was unaware of his own hand tracing the fresh scars hidden beneath his shirt. “They just need time. To figure all of this out. We all do.”

Lance slowed to a stop at a red light. They waited at the empty intersection as the lights transitioned for other drivers who were not there. When the light turned green again it took Lance a minute to notice and step on the gas.

Keith noticed the pause and looked back at his boyfriend. “We will figure this out though.”

Lance huffed. “Since when are you the optimist?”

“I’m not an optimist. I’m a realist. And I really do think that we can all move past this. It won’t be the same as before, but we’ll figure that out too. Maybe it won’t be as bad as you think.”

“Sounds like optimism to me.”

“Lance I almost lost you. I almost lost you and there was nothing I could do about it because I was stuck in the damn closet. I don’t ever want to feel that helpless again. This isn’t me hoping and praying that we’ll be okay. We’re going to work for it and it’s gonna suck. It’s gonna hurt and we’re going to struggle, and sometimes it’ll seem impossible-,”

“You know, this isn’t really helping.”

“But I’ve been here before. I’ve felt hopeless and worthless and unworthy, and I almost gave up trying to find a way to be okay...” He was looking out the window again, trying to avoid Lance’s gaze. Which was fine. His eyes were fixed firmly on the road, his hands gripping the wheel a little tighter than necessary. 

“But I found the right people. Or they found me. And they helped me rebuild the life I didn’t think I deserved anymore. They helped me feel like I was worthy to have it. The Shiroganes, and Shiro, the others, and you,” Lance felt Keith’s eyes on him again, but he didn’t look. “You don’t even know how much you changed my life Lance. I have so much because of you. You’ve done more for me than I can ever tell you.” He watched the trees pass as they pulled onto campus, following the road to the dorm parking lot. 

“I’ve been here before where things are hard and you have to fight for every little victory. But you have people on your side. You have me. We’ll be okay. That’s not optimism. That’s truth.”

Lance didn’t respond, but something in those words quieted his worries, at least for now.

Keith held Lance’s hand as they bid Blue farewell for the night, walking the lamp-lit path to the privacy of Keith’s new dorm. Lance had planned on sleeping over and so he was sure to bring the essentials: his blue robe, slippers, skin care products, and of course Poseidon.

Cuddling in close to Keith, Lance hugged the whale shark to his chest. The plushy was a symbol of the beginning of his and Keith’s relationship however stuttered it may have been. If he breathed in deep, he could still smell the clean linen and sweet rose scent that lingered. It was a smell that never failed to spark a deep happiness and gratitude for what he had with Keith- what he could easily have missed out on.

He smiled as Keith’s fingers explored his jaw line and hummed happily when Keith kissed him, parting his lips so Keith could explore deeper. The galaxy swirls on the ceiling cast it all in a calm amethyst glow. They pulled apart slowly. Reluctantly. 

“Keith,” Lance looked up at him with an expression of open vulnerability that urged Keith to kiss him again, slower this time so he could really savor it. Keith’s hand on his jaw moved gently into his hair, fingers curving lovingly through the strands. Again they parted slowly.

“Keith?”

“Yeah?”

“How long have you liked me?”

Keith answered simply, “A long, long time. An eternity.” 

Lance’s lip pouted out. “You never answer me when I ask you that. Not directly.”

“Because you’re asking the wrong question,” he said, giving another kiss, this time along Lance’s furrowed brow.

“What question should I be asking then?”

“How long will I love you,” Keith smiled. “And the answer would be the same.”

Lance smiled again, a real smile that bowed his eyes.

They both had new scars- physical and otherwise. For Keith they were simply new marks to accompany the many old ones. For Lance they were pinpricks of scar tissue lighter than the tan surrounding them like little stars on the soles of his feet. They were reminders that, although once these wounds bled, the body could continue on. And so would they. 

Keith traced out every bit of tanned skin he reach. This skin was not meant for bruises, or cuts, or scars at the hands of another. This boy should be marked in nothing but signs of love and affection. Those eyes were meant to spark with life and happiness, his smile easy and genuine. Keith would devote all he had to make it so. Careful to take his time and savor every little shiver, shift in breath, every whimper and sigh, Keith spent the rest of the night covering Lance in constellations of kisses.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there it is at its conclusion. I really hope you all have enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. Thank you to everyone who read, and gave kudos, and commented. You have no idea how awesome it’s been to read your thoughts on this work.
> 
> I’ve been thinking of a few ideas for possible future fics. I may go forward with a few of them as a result of the amazing feedback I’ve received from you guys. So maybe there will be more fluff and angst from me in the future. We’ll see. Till then, bye everyone and thanks again! <3

**Author's Note:**

> Please Comment to let me know if you think this is something I should continue. I hope you all like it so far! :)


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